The Texas statute criminalizes the selling, advertising, giving or lending of a device designed or marked for sexual stimulation

Lending?
ewwww

Teddy, does that mean I can keep the thing, you know…the thing, you gave me? Thanks!

BZZZZZZZZ!!! Gaspgaspgaspgasp AAAAGHGH SWEETHOLYJEEBUS. . .

Excuse me. I just got back from the store in Fort Worth.

What about reselling? I saw an ad for two used wetsuits the other day…

Just in time for valentines day.

So lending is bad but borrowing was alright?

If that thing is contagious, please do.

My coal-fired antique cell phone can’t be set to vibrate. It doesn’t fold. It doesn’t have color, or take photos. All it can do is ring when I’m in traffic, with unknown callers offering fantastic deals on sleeping pills. That’s not all it can do: I do appreciate my phone, however, for allowing me to call AAA on two occasions–also in heavy traffic–when my auto’s fuel line detached and the motor went dead.

But one of my favorite quotes about sex toys came from Molly Ivins, of blessed memory, who quipped that having five or more dildoes in Texas made one a felon, whereas fewer than five meant you were a mere hobbyist. And some dear lady who runs an intimate toy boutique somewhere in the South (naturally) said something along the lines of, “They can have my vibrator only when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!” Presumably she’d also have a smile of remembrance on her face, no?

The fact that sex toys used to be illegal in Texas tells me all I’ve ever needed to know ahout why that place is so royally fucked up. Now it completely makes sense.

Well, that and the intense refinery fumes.

The Texas statute criminalizes the selling, advertising, giving or lending of a device designed or marked for sexual stimulation.

So VIAGRA is illegal in TX?

Surely you jest! And the pecker pills are covered by insurance, too!