“Besides, no one believes anything anyone says. Unless they actually like you anyway.”

Yeah, I have found that a key strategy on the first date with a woman is to automatically assume she’s lying out of her ass, and then I move on from there.

“On top of that, I think if anyone is really interested at all they’re going to start an intelligence-gathering mission to determine how happening you are. So they’re going to ask things to elicit information about what kind of stud you might (or might not) be; you really don’t have to offer that up from the get-go.”

I usually take care of this straight off, when, while listening to the lying bitch across from me, I pull down my pants and ask, “Studly? or Studliest?”

Ya know, these motherfuckers have about as much insight to what a real woman sounds like, feels like and acts like as I do into the inner workings of high fashion.

He still thinks that there was some chance, in middle school, that guys were “scoring” some “tail?” oh puh-leese. The eleven to fourteen year old set may be able to get it up, but they don’t really know what to do with it no matter what they may tell the other gullible fools around them.

aimai

The other thing is I think guys still all smart from the “strategy” employed by the middle-school studs (I say middle school because that’s where the most intense memories of rejection and the unfairness of life began; by high school it was already just accepted… mostly).

You don’t say?

They were scoring because they were richer, better-looking, more athletic and more popular than everyone else. Their attitude wasn’t getting them all that tail tail, it was getting so much tail that was giving them that attitude.

Some choose celibacy, while others aggressively stalk it out of a sense of fear.

Shorter Ace: Yes, I’m still a virgin. Why do you ask?

Shorter conservative blogger Dawn “Tagg Eyes” Eden:

I like libruls, I’d totally be into screwing libruls, but the voices in my head forbid it.

In one way, this is just terribly sad, that an adult male still thinks the ‘other guys’ were getting all that action in middle school. The upside, though, is that this poor schmuck is most certainly not going to be procreating.

Everybody knows it’s happenin’, not “happening”.

If I still thought about middle school-era rejections and considered them meaningful, I certainly wouldn’t be the happy, well-adjusted man about town I am today.

There may be a lesson for Ace in that.

The trouble with our stupid male brains is, I think, we got the idea those dudes were scoring because of that strategy, whereas, in fact, they were going to score no matter what they did, being studs and all, and thus they weren’t scoring because of that strategy, more like in spite of it.

Here’s a hint for chick wranglin’, Ace. This single sentence has 55 words, 5 commas, and uses eye-glazing phraseology like “whereas”, “in fact”, “and thus”, and “more like”. I hope when you iz out scratchin’ for some, your delivery is a little cooler. Otherwise you are going to come off like that Miss America contestant last fall.

You’re right, Ace, on one thing: I never believe anything you say.

“First of all, you never let on how much you like a girl. ‘Oh, Debbie. Hi.’

Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.”

Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?”

Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.”

And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

I see women running “intelligence gathering missions” on men all the time. Why its a rite of Spring; clean your Mac-10, check perimeter anti-personnel mines, and start intel mission on prospective mate.
Ace, you are a pathetic loser.

Well Moon, at least commenter 61 over at Ace’s place knows a thing or two about anatomy …

A guy to get laid needs to have balls.

The first interviewed conservative blogger, Cassy Fiano- Wizbang, is showing off her boobies! Alert the ANN! Pictures of blogger-boobies cannot be tolerated! The Althouse must respond with 20 posts trashing any woman that pushes out her boobies! We cannot let the Debbie Schluessel* get aroused!!!

*= http://www.hairyfishnuts.com/a…..51006725AM

Geeze, I never had to wear the coolest clothes, drive the coolest car, flaunt the biggest wallet, act like a dumb jock, or any of that nonsense. I was poor, hitchhiked till I was 19, didn’t have to spend much money beyond a movie now and then or a sixpack. And picking flowers was always free.

Pretty much all I had to do was like them, having conversations about things that interested them: school, work, music, life goals and dreams mostly. And when they’d feel comfy around me, I’d just whisper something like:

“Bobby supports the lettuce boycott” or “McGovern will end hunger” or “Have you noticed all those pencildicks signing up for ROTC with their Spiro Agnew buttons?”

And they’d handcuff themselves to the bedposts or perform trapeze acts for weeks having multiple orgasms while we conspired to overthrow the empire by getting nekkid anywhere anytime, while quoting Chairman Mao.

It was simple, Ace. Just find the cutest girl in the school, who’s always a liberal, and like her.

After that, the only basic requirement (so you should check this with a physician right away!) is that you be in the possession of and capable of locating your actual penis.

Of course, if you’ve already found it and used it with a conservative girl, it’s possible it may now be half its original size and stuck there for eternity. I’m surprised your mother didn’t warn you about that while you were breastfeeding as a sophomore.

Ace:

…I say middle school because that’s where the most intense memories of rejection and the unfairness of life began; by high school it was already just accepted… mostly …

Poor Ace, I guess he’s still having trouble in the “gettin’ some” department. Hell, all he needs to worry about is how many teeth they have and whether and if spermicide is a condom-ment for them.

Do you suppose if any of those free and easy hippie-chicks in middle-school had let Ace get to 2nd base he’d be such a wingnut?

Well, just as there are other choices than fuckfuckfuck and abstinence, there are other choices between abstinence and fucking guys like Ace.

To be fair, there were guys getting laid in middle school. But their partners were basically just the handful of girls who were acting out after being sexually abused. So really, even just pretending to pay attention to them would probably have gotten Ace some, but I’m guessing he was one of the guys so terrified of sexually aggressive girls that he mock-coughed “slut” to his pals whenever they walked by. Which probably doesn’t work as well as he’d have hoped.

Another repulsive wingnut raucously declaring that his development was arrested at middle school.

His mama must be so proud.

No wonder Ace never got past the bacon and Play-Doh stage of his sexual development.

To be fair, there were guys getting laid in middle school. But their partners were basically just the handful of girls who were acting out after being sexually abused.

Sheesh, I know that guy, although it was high school. He was a senior (still 16), she was a soph. She was gorgeous, drop-dead gorgeous, fun, open and umm …. frisky.

After some mild canoodling following a concert, his sister, also a soph, heard through the grapevine about it.

She opened his eyes, shocked him, not with rumor or mean-spirited gossip, but with care. She knew about the girl, knew about her family, knew about her stepdad and what he had done to her.

Ya see, she was just beginning her now 25-year long career in working with the disabled, the crippled, the abused, the shunned and she wanted to make sure that her brother would never take advantage.

He never did.

She taught him more about himself and his view of girls/women in that brief, five-minute, almost off-the-cuff conversation than he would have ever learned on his own.

Cassy Fiono: “Have you ever done online dating? If so, what was that like?

I have done online dating quite a bit and I have had absolutely zero problems with it. It worked very well. …”

Meaning? adultfriendfinder so got me laid

I’m guessing he was one of the guys so terrified of sexually aggressive girls that he mock-coughed “slut” to his pals whenever they walked by.

That’s really what it’s about. How the other guys percieve them is the rationale behind the various poses taken by Ace and his commenters.

Freshman year I was sitting at a table near a bunch of guys and they were having the most astonishing conversation. Its exactly what TomMil is talking about. Its a long time ago now–25 years–and I can’t remember it in detail but they were talking in the most degradign terms about the women they (claimed) to know and (claimed) to have had sex with. The more or the more exotic the sex acts, the more degradingly they evaluated the girl. But the most important thing was the relationship they were establishing with the other guys at the table. They were performing for each other and the more grotesque their evalluations and comments on the women the more cheers and applause they got from the other guys. I remember myself as having the nerve to get up and say to them “why don’t you fuck each other, that really seems to be what interests you?” but somehow I can’t believe that I really did.

aimai

But, but, but…It’s one of his Trademarked pickup lines!

“hey, baby! Tell me about your playdough and bacon!”

It’s got to work, eventually. Just GOT TO. He only has to try it on the remaining 2 billion+ women, and he’ll eventually find Miss Right.

Okay, it has about as much chance of success as McCain’s Iraq strategery, but if you believe in one, then you have to believe in the other.

I’m guessing that Ace truly prefers sausage to play-doh and bacon.

take it from me ace, being a middle school stud isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. those 12 year old girls can be so bitchy!

Reading Ace and his buddies on this topic is like reliving Jr. High, only with a slightly larger vocabulary on the part of the guys lying about their imaginary conquests.

Any adult woman who would willingly fuck one of these losers needs a very serious talking to and the phone numbers of a few excellent mental health therapists practicing within reasonable driving distance.

Oh my Lord! My youngest son occupies the front passenger seat of our Sullen Middle School morning carpool. The idea of him having anything at all to do with the ladies [fits of unrestrained laughter, because I’m home alone]…