Got more bling than a Mr. T starter kit

Kathryn Jean Lopez explains why the Catholic Church doesn’t want young women getting it into their pretty little heads that they can grow up to become priestatrixes:

Pope John Paul II may have been best in articulating the Catholic perspective on women — with great love, appreciation and, to use a popular word, empowerment. He wrote in his 1995 encyclical "Evangelium Vitae" ("The Gospel of Life"): "In transforming culture so that it supports life, women occupy a place, in thought and action, which is unique and decisive. It depends on them to promote a ‘new feminism’ which rejects the temptation of imitating models of ‘male domination,’ in order to acknowledge and affirm the true genius of women in every aspect of the life of society, and overcome all discrimination, violence and exploitation."

During a speech in Rome this February, Benedict reiterated John Paul’s message: "In the face of cultural and political currents that attempt to eliminate, or at least to obfuscate and confuse, the sexual differences written into human nature, considering them to be cultural constructions, it is necessary to recall the design of God that created the human being male and female, with a unity and at the same time an original and complementary difference. Human nature and the cultural dimension are integrated in an ample and complex process that constitutes the formation of the identity of each, where both dimensions — the feminine and the masculine — correspond to and complete each other."

John Paul the Great and the former Cardinal Ratzinger have not been reinventing a women-hating church. They have been reiterating what Christ taught and what’s at the very heart of the Catholic Church. The Gospel tells us that the people left standing at the foot of Christ’s crucifixion were women — no weaker sex, but stalwart supports. Women are building the foundation, which is carved into the walls of the Church.

Which is to say that women are "labor" and the guys with all the jewelry and funny hats are "management"…. just like at your job!

Or, to put this in business lingo: the church is not yet ready to acknowledge a paradigm shift or for thinking outside of the box (…and you can just make your own smutty "box" joke here because I’m not going to go to Hell just for your lowbrow entertainment).

As for what Jesus taught, I’m no Biblical scholar, but I think that the Catholic Church is drawing upon the Book of Revelation, in particular Revelation 3:20 which states:

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. Sorry, no fat chicks.”

You can look it up.