Why do sharks hate America?

Don’t let the sharks get Fenway!!!

Hey! U guys stay outta Scottsdale in teh winter and we’ll stay away from u in teh summer.

But I would like to come over and play with Fenway’s ears.

As one of those Arizonans, I resemble that remark! And yes, keep the KILLER SHARKS away from me — Disneyland sounds just peachy.

Bassets make good bait…just sayin.

Bassets are friends, not food.

Yes, bad jest.

And don’t come to DC either please. The Cherry Blossoms are past, you’ll just hog the Metro and there’s a limit to how many midwesterners we can fit into Air & Space at once…

Oh, and when you’re riding the escalator in the Metro system, if you’re just going to stand there, please stand to the &$^#%@ right side!

Please show Fenway standing on four feet… or was he born in Iraq?

Yeah and stay out of western Montana or the grizzlies and pumas will eat you. They are really hungry right now and really like tourists (locals are much too tough and stringy and we smell bad).

Here in Oklahoma, we’re a bit short of monstrous, hungry predators. We make up for it with tornadoes. It’s generally safer here for bassetkind, though. With their low centers of gravity, they are less susceptible to being blasted away by a Category 5 twister than, say, an aluminum house trailer would be. You just need to make sure the ears and jowl flaps are facing downwind.

Only a weather-spoiled resident of San Diego would think that temperatures “in the low eighties” would deter people from visiting.

Don’t bother Tbogg,

Sharks, crocodiles, poisonous jellyfish, spiders and the 10 most venomous snakes on earth…nothing has kept American tourists away from Australia.

Don’t visit here, either. We have sharks too. Gay sharks.

With laser beams.

They particularly don’t like people from ARIZONA who come here every summer and CLOG UP OUR STREETS and DRIVE SLOWLY

It’s funny that you say that about Arizonans, who spend six months saying the same damn thing about Chicagoans.

Here in Colorado we feel the same way about Californicators.

South Carolina welcomes all visitors… well, their money certainly.

Them boiled peanuts don’t eat themselves.

Dr. Dick, I’ll trade you two obese families from Kentucky in NASCAR outfits for a Wisconsin family in Bermuda shorts…. The man-eating rats in DC are getting tired of the usual fare…

OK, I’ve been holding this in for over a week now since I first saw Fenway.

hoos a cute doogie? you is! yes u is! cute doggiez! num num num num num.

Ok, whew, that’s better.

Come to Austin for our Tourist Rehab Program. Listen to Willie, drink a Shiner Bock, and enjoy the blistering heat.

I’m bucking for MBay Aquarium for our anniversary this year. Killer sharks are practically the draw. Well, okay, I’m more in it for the mola mola, the tuna, and the freakin’ awesome nautiloids. We don’t have them here. Relax, though, we promise not to drive. We’re get-a-hotel-close-and-walk types.

jnfr is correct, with the addendum that SW Colorado is really, really tired of the summer Texan horde. If they could just be a little quieter and quit buying up all the nice ranch land….

Mola Mola’s, cutest big fishy of the West Coast!

Here in Seattle-Tacoma, we have the killer Dungeness Crabs, along with a dreadful baseball team and lots of drizzle. Yes, LOTS of drizzle…all you tourists, disregard all the rumors that the weather here clears up in the summer…it’s all a lie, it drizzles here CONSTANTLY. Stay away, I tell you, stay away! Or we’ll make you watch the Mariners!

And yes, I can’t resist Fenway either.

What’s with the coy pose? We demand puppy penis!!!

Still giggling about the KILLER SHARKS (and the huge SHARK! headline of our local North County Times newspaper). Remember, you may think your safe just wading in ankle deep, but the KILLER SHARKS will jump out and get ya!

Well, here in upstate NY, we have mosquitos and black flies. Sorry, it’s just not the same…

I have two words for you. Sand gnats. Well, three words — VORACIOUS sand gnats. Y’all come, you hear?

That’s the beautiful part of living in Minnesota. No tourists. Who would want to come here?