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We really don’t want to know what the hell this is for…
I just want to say that I really really really really REALLY tried to avoid Miley Ray Cyrus’ Scapulagate. I mean, I pretty much viewed it as a tempest in a Disney Princess Tea Pot coordinated by the Disney people, Vanity Fair, her publicist, and her be-mulleted dad.
Even the disapproving fish-lip pursings of outrage junkie Michelle Malkin (who is probably kicking herself for not holding her fire for Selena Gomez, star of Disney’s Carmelita Reconquista) couldn’t get me off the couch.
And then along came The Virgin Ben.
V-Ben and I go quite a-ways back. Maybe not back to the last time someone handled his pee-pee (that would be his bris) but far enough to bestow upon him the humiliating nickname that will follow him to his grave….providing the internets live forever and ever and never leave us like they promised before they went off to war.
Anyway, it appears that Hannah Mileytana has broken Ben’s Achey Fahklumpty Heart:
What is the leading breeding ground for tomorrow’s role models of degradation and promiscuity?
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition?
American Apparel ads?
Lynne Cheney’s All-American Brazilian & Piercing Emporiums?
The Stacy’s Mom video?
The Disney Channel.
Fuck! That was gonna be my next guess. And to think of all that money I spent to get Friday night Cinemax when I could have been watching Disney on basic cable.
On Monday, news broke that Vanity Fair was planning on running "discreet" and "artistic" photos from a topless shoot with pre-teen and tween hero Miley Cyrus. The photos include a shot of Cyrus, barebacked, clutching a sheet to her bosom — a shot no less pedophilic than the infamous Brooke Shields jeans ads of 1980.
Okay. In 1980- I was (carry the three) twenty-five years old and Ben was not even an aspiring zygote, and even I don’t remember those ads. I’m beginning to think that someone has been hitting something pretty hard at Harvard and it hasn’t been the books.
Cyrus’ fan base is largely young girls, who sell out her concerts, buy her clothing line, and sit rapt before their televisions. Now, they’re being taught by a teen superstar, her father, and a willing media, that inappropriate behavior is no barrier to happiness or satisfaction.
Not that a little discipline at the Lil’ Lolitas for Moroni Academy couldn’t beat that out of them.
As I wrote in my second book, "Porn Generation: How Social Liberalism Is Corrupting Our Future," Cyrus is hardly the first pop tart to make the transition from clean-cut role model to promiscuous party girl. And the vast majority of such characters spring from the geniuses at Disney Channel. Britney "Disaster Area" Spears was a Mickey Mouse Club girl before she morphed into the paradigm of personal pandemonium. So was Spears’ former boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, the man who would later be responsible for the term "wardrobe malfunction." So was Christina "Xtina" Aguilera, who sang the theme song for "Mulan" before deciding to get "Dirrty." Lindsay Lohan was wholesome twins Hallie and Annie in "The Parent Trap" before she decided to reveal her twins in the name of art. Hilary Duff was the star of "Lizzie McGuire" before, at age 16, she began dating rocker Joel Madden, age 24; she shortly thereafter denied that she had claimed that she was a virgin, stating, "Whose business is that?"
Ben’s!
Being a youngster Ben is hardly acquainted with some of the earlier Disney Sluts like Annette Funicello who went from this
Cute as a mouses whiskers
to this
With Frankie Avalon, one of the pioneers of awkward oral sex .
So really the Disney people have been in the porn business for years and the Disney Channel is the inevitable next step until they finally start putting porn on teh internets.
Boy is that gonna keep V-Ben up all night.
And now: breasteses!…. gyrations to crazy negro jungle music!… inappropriate behavior!
(Thanks to Charles Kuffner for the V-Ben tip)
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I just posted this on another thread…the MSM WGS stupid is remarkable…
Malfunctioning MSM (MainStream Media) WGS (White Girl Scandal)Robot 319.0:
Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing. Miley Cyrus Right Shoulder Showing.
Enthusiastic Viewer of Malfunctioning MSM WGS Robot 319.0:
Don’t have to think about the illegal, horrible war of aggression; the fact that the CTD economy is the envy of Mali or the terrible reality that my job could be on the next plane to New Delhi.
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh……..
Holy Deep Scary God Voiceover:
White Girl Scandal.
Wags the dog better than any war ever could.
(Scene)
Nicely Done, Tbogg!
Your art is truer than their act!
It’s always a scary when Virgin Ben is anywhere near a story about sexualized minors.
eh. Dang, you are good!!!!
Miley Cyrus?
Is that the girl in the photo that’s 3/4’s covered in a sateen sheet that I keep seeing everywhere?
Cause if that’s what’s got them upset, I think I’ve got a copy of Penthouse Triples around here somewhere – that should really send off their collective rockers.
.
Bosom? I dunno…..that was a pretty dated term even 40 years ago. Where’s Ben getting his terminology from? His great-grandmother? Gawd, this guy is one insufferable prig. But I’m sure we’ll be reading about Ben in 10 years or so…he’ll probably get busted for some bizarre morals charge, involving an Alzheimer’s patient.
Justin Timberlake was a Mickey Mouse Club girl before he was a man? Is there no end to the depravity of these people? And don’t get me started on Donald Duck going around without any pants all the time.
paradigm of personal pandemonium…?
Piffle. Don’t go there V-Ben.
Even Eric Idle recently changed some lyrics in one of the songs in Spamalot to avoid making fun of Britney… and went after Posh Spice instead.
Harvard and Yale have a lot to answer for: this asshole and 42 Bushes.
Re: Beach Blanket Bingo advert vid- Annette & Frankie invite her bazooms AND YOU to buy tix to the movie @ the local drive-in.
Except the drive-ins are all swapmeets, soon to be plowed under for track homes.
Good to see that V-Ben saves his outrage for that which is really important. He’s sure to follow up with a hard hitting piece on the dangers of heavy petting.
Well, fat dogs can be a problem. Trust me on that one…
First, who knew Linda Evans could sing? Next Beach Bingo is sooo much hotter than Cyrus Montana I can’t even tell you. And lastly any holier than thou dude is outed as a pervert within a few months of pontificating. Look at sleazebag pedophile/all round sexually disgusting billorally
I know, humorless of me. that picture reminds me of some adorable pictures a friend of mine had taken of her naked toddler sitting on daddy’s lap. Really adorable pictures, you know, quite artistic. Later it turned out that the well known society photographer was, in fact, arrested for some seriously horrible child porn. How old is that girl? I ask because I’ve got an eleven year old with the body of a sixteen year old and that photo, or a better one, could have been taken of her. But I wouldn’t think it appropriate. I’d think it was sick. On the other hand, I”m not pimping my girl as a future star either.
aimai
Goodness knows that before modern media, Secular Humanism and moral relativity, no young person ever made poor choices. I blame Darwin.
Oh man, I lurves me some Stacey’s Mom video.
…just sayin’.
“Britney “Disaster Area” Spears was a Mickey Mouse Club girl before she morphed into the paradigm of personal pandemonium. So was Spears’ former boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, the man who would later be responsible for the term “wardrobe malfunction.” So was Christina “Xtina” Aguilera, who sang the theme song for “Mulan” before deciding to get “Dirrty.” Lindsay Lohan was wholesome twins Hallie and Annie in “The Parent Trap” before she decided to reveal her twins in the name of art. Hilary Duff was the star of “Lizzie McGuire” before, at age 16″
Weren’t all of them raised in conservative households? And isn’t Disney a huge contributor to Republican and conservative campaigns? And the title of his book is “Porn Generation: How Social Liberalism Is Corrupting Our Future”.
God, he’s such a fucking idiot…
The VF cover certainly reminds me of an earlier clothing ad campaign.
Was Ms. Cyrus going for the haunted “heroin chic” look on her chubby little face?
Bosom? I dunno…..that was a pretty dated term even 40 years ago. Where’s Ben getting his terminology from?
Between that and the Brooke Shields reference, I think Ben is the person whose columns are ghostwritten by Malkin’s husband. Or by someone. I think a lot of these wingnut bloviators are Milli Vanillis, chosen for their demographic appropriateness to be the mouthpieces of fodder cranked out in bulk by other anonymous wingnuts.
Perhaps B.S. (and were initials ever more appropriate?) could console himself by singing a little George Formby ditty:
Now, I know I’m not handsome
Got no good looks or wealth
But the girls I chase say my plain face
Will compromise their health
Now, I know fellahs worse than me
Bow-legged and boss-eyed
Walking out with lovely women
Clinging to their side
Now, if women like them like men like those
Why don’t women like me
Look at Empress Josephine
The most attractive woman that ever was seen
Yet Napoleon, short and fat
Captivates a lovely looking girl like that
Now, if women like them like men like those
Why don’t women like me, hey-hey
Why don’t women like me
So does this mean my soon-to-be four year old can’t watch the Disney Channel’s Handy Manny any more?
Or is that okay since Ben knows all about being “handy” … ?
/rubs chin thoughtfully
//Ensures everyone that it’s only his chin
In 1980- I was (carry the three) twenty-five years old and Ben was not even an aspiring zygote, and even I don’t remember those ads.
I’m about your age, Tbogg, and I do remember the ads — Shields looked directly at the camera and boasted that “nothing comes between me and my Calvins.” Pretty racy at the time, esp. since “Pretty Baby” had only come out a couple of years previously.
Walt Disney, the porn-dragon… It all makes sense now.
Judging by that photo, I think you mean “aural sex.”
Waiting for the other shoe to drop: Miley C. is fucking Goofy.
I was 16 in 1980. I remember those Brooke Shields ads very well…
God help us all if Ben should walk into an art museum and realize that the Catholic Church has spent hundreds of years paying artists to depict flying babies showing their junk.
I’m around Tbogg’s age and was a lifeguard at san diego beaches late 70’s early 80’s.
Dude, there were 14 15 16 year old girls waaayy back then in bikinis!!
skimpy bikinis!
girls who were normal everyday humans wearing bikinis!
laying on their stomachs in public with their top straps off!underage girls!
in the 70’s.
As you can tell. I’m still outraged at the sudden decline in out countries morals.
If Ben Shapiro actually knew anything about popular music he would see Chris Brown getting more sexual on his records because he is, after all, 18 and he does not want to be an idol for little kids forever. This is not a phenomenon unique to the Disney Channel. It is a phenomenon of people working in a very sexualized industry who have a record of being squeaky clean. He might also mention Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood are good possible role models for Miley Cyrus.
Maybe these parents should wake up their own fifteen year olds awakening sexuality, instead of trying to jump all over this stupid picture, which is as G-rated as they come. Or worry about that mind-numbingly stupid show that she’s on and all their kids are watching.
Ya know what would be a laff riot? V-Ben, Miley, Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss and Antonin Scalia dropping acid and sitting around nekkid in a hot tub while they listen to Albert Hofmann read aloud his original FDA approval application. Better for Del Toro to direct than Tolkien, anyway.
In 1980- I was (carry the three) twenty-five years old
We’re as cool as cool can be
We’re the Class of ‘73…
The great symmetry to this, which Ben must know from watching the Hannah Montana show, is that Brooke Shields’ plays Miley’s dead mother on the TV show! (She appears in dream sequences giving the living advice… I wonder if Ben knows about this talking to spirits thing… another indication of Disney’s perfidy and witchcraft!)
paradigm of personal pandemonium…
whoa, easy ben! if i’m not mistaken alliterative phrases involving the letter p are quite sinful…
“Here’s the big question: does Miley Cyrus really need to descend to the gutter to raise her profile? She’s immensely successful, and she can remain immensely successful by continuing to appeal to younger audiences.”
Ms. Cyrus, will no doubt, be calling Mr. Shapiro soon and plead with him to become her agent/manager/svenjalee. Conservative men are always the paragon of family values and experts on wholesome entertainment.
Just ask Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and David Vitter.
Is Pooh Bear a Disney product? ‘Cause if he is, I’ll feel nominally less deviant about the things I’ve done to my bear collection.
Reminds me of big discussions about whether my friends and I could go to see the 60s movie version of Romeo and Juliet. One of the mothers was concerned about some brief nudity.
A friend said, “I’ve seen a butt before, Mom.”
“Achy Breaky Heart” probably exceeds all the evil that the Cyrus family could do even if they ordered Miley to fellate me in the middle of Times Square at noon tomorrow. But, there’s always a chance I could be wrong, so…
Winnie’s owner sold Winnie and all his Pooh friends to Disney. They’re all whores.
Lindsay Lohan was wholesome twins Hallie and Annie in “The Parent Trap” before she decided to reveal her twins in the name of art.
You have to admit, he does have a certain flair. Do you think if the Internets had existed back in the 1840s when Andy Rooney was a teenager, he could have come up with a sentence like that? The VB is clearly a once-in-a-generation talent.
By the way, since he mentioned “The Parent Trap”, would it be wrong for me to mention that I once had a big crush on Hayley Mills? Just checking.
“no less pedophilic than the infamous Brooke Shields jeans ads of 1980″
Perhaps Miley should emulate the degenerate career of Brooke, who went on to attend Princeton from 1983-87.
I don’t suppose that Ben would agree that becoming comfortable with ones physical attributes at an early age, vs. trying to conceal them, might be a more mature, healthy attitude. Because that would require that he be comfortable with the whole idea of sex, which seems to be a non-starter.
Snark all you like, but SOMETHING is making teenagers want to have sex.
Of course, we all know it’s teevee and video games.
Oh yeah, and Elvis, too.
Don’t forget the preacher with two wetsuits on and a dildo up his ass.
Paragon of virtue, that guy.
I don’t get how Brooke admitting going commando is pedophilic. Ben is a sick, sick man.
all this is just god’s vengance for her father’s achey breaky heart
for it is written, the sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the
sonsdaughters.although you’d think that mullet would be punishment enough.
So she got her picture taken by Annie Leibowitz and she’s now saying that she’s embarrassed? Holy crap, her dear ol’ dad sang (I guess you could call it that) “Achey Breaky Heart”, as well as wearing that godawful mess (*) on his head. I think she needs to prioritize her embarassment a little bit better.
(*) That would be the Achey Breaky Big Mistakey, you know.
I had an interesting discussion with my 21 year old daughter a few weeks ago.
She said that until she had had sex she didn’t realize that “sexy” things were about sex. For her as a younger girl it was a style choice like goth or preppy. It was about advertising your own taste not your availability.
I expect many young girls perceive it in the same way. They aren’t prepared for the responses from ordinary men once they show the least sign of developing, let alone adopting “certain” looks.
I’m not surprised Cyrus is now embarrassed, but I don’t see it as a problem of the depraved left. It’s the right that’s invested in pornification of young women.