Take me I’m yours, because dreams are made of this..

It isn’t often that Ross Douthat writes something that makes me think, but today he mentioned The Problem With John:

Now obviously the powers of the Vice Presidency have increased considerably during the last two administrations, and just as obviously being veep in a McCain presidency is a special case, since the heir-apparent aspect of the office will be magnified by McCain’s age, his disinterest in vast swathes of policymaking, and the possibility that he would only serve one term.

On the one hand, this may be part of McCain’s problem with Conservatives because they don’t want to become emotionally invested in someone who isn’t going to be with them for too long which is probably why they have so many divorces when they’re not trolling for companionship at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

But moving on to my bigger point, for many greedy grasping egomanical power-mad Republicans (yes, I have a stutter) a victorious John McCain is the perfect hook-up. He is the ticket to the Promised Land.

John McCain is J. Howard Marshall.

Hypothetically, let’s say that you’re a one-term Governor from a liberal northeastern state that we’ll call "Pmassachusetts" (no, the "p" is not silent). And let’s say, for example, that you’ve just spent millions of dollars of your own fortune (money that could have easily been handed down to your five sons, their wives and your 161 grandchildren) in an attempt to win the Republican nomination figuring that your political lineage, business background, and Presidential looks would trump the fact that you’re a serial flip-flopper who belongs to a crazy magic-underwear fertility cult.

Unfortunately reality intervened and the political consultants who convinced you that this was possible were wrong and you were forced to drop out of the race. Your consultants, on the other hand, were forced to go back to their waterfront homes and cigarette boats (that were paid for with your kids inheritance) and ponder life without $1000 a day hookers who could be charged to the campaign…. particularly because nobody could convince Bloomberg to run.

But then it occurs to you that the presumptive nominee, John McCain, is about 89 years old and not the healthiest looking buck in the herd. How long can he last? Anything could happen. He and his wife could get onto a little tiff on board her private jet, the Drug Mule Clydesdale II, and next thing you know, a little trip down the gangway, a broken hip, pneumonia, and now who’s a trollop and a c**t, Mr. Straight Talk Express To The ICU?

So here we have all of the presumptive VP candidates lined up at the bar; skirts hiked up, ties loosened, maybe a couple of extra buttons unbuttoned. The arched eyebrow, the come-hither look, that lascivious lick of the lips, stirring their Manhattans with with an elegant outstretched finger and then licking the finger clean with a swirling tongue. Each one wondering how much rough sex they would have to put up with before the old guy’s ticker says "no mas".

Even a Vice Presidential candidate has to have a dream…