Lisa Schiffren truly is the gift that keeps on giving.
I did not want Corner readers to miss out on Fred Schwarz’s fascinating post at the Media Blog on the new rules for single women and sexual adventures. Noting Maggie Gallagher’s reference to the "jaw dropping" idea that monogamy in gay marriage can include "the odd threesome," he points out that this is also increasingly common in heterosexual culture. He writes:
In the June issue of Glamour, under the heading “5 things to say no to,” item 1 is: “Any threesome in which you’re committed to one of the other two.” If you’re not committed to one of the other two, presumably, Glamour would say: “You go, girl!” Admittedly, this advice is mostly directed at single women, so they do have some respect for marriage, especially when in item 4 the magazine turns suddenly and mysteriously prudish by telling its readers to avoid “Married men. Seriously.”
The question is, is it mainstream behavior for women to have threesomes? If so, how did that become the norm? If not, why would the editors at Glamour write as if it is the norm? There is no serious data on such things.
We’ll stop here to point out that Glamour is not exactly Foreign Policy or Actuary Today, so it’s possible that, no, there is no serious data on the prevalence of the three-backed beast outside of male fantasies and possibly David Vitter with a $500 gift card and his wife out of town. I tend to think that articles like this are meant to be titillating and more along the lines of private fantasy fodder to be whispered into the ears of guys like Mr. Lisa Schiffren in order to better speed up the whole ordeal because there’s a Barneys catalog on the bedstand and it’s not getting any younger…
Schiffren doesn’t quote this part of Schwarz’s post:
Still, one has to wonder. At National Review we are often told that opinion journals contain so few ads because advertisers don’t want to be associated with anything controversial. Now, Glamour certainly has no trouble selling ads; its issues are as fat as its models are thin. Evidently, then, the idea that it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to have sex with two people at once, as long as they’re both strangers, is now considered entirely mainstream.
Have these people ever looked at women’s magazines before? "His secret fantasies and how you can fulfill them…", "Readers share their steamiest secrets!", "Turn your guy into a sex genius" "Two wetsuits and a dildo: Do’s and dont’s!"
Whoops, Sorry. That last one came from the Liberty University Alumni Report proving that, even with fundamentalist Christians, love is in the air… even if it’s dangling from an overhead beam.
While National Review could certainly use a little somethin’ somethin’ like that to bring in the big advertising bucks, I don’t think that that is where Kathryn Jean Lopez, Mona Charen, Kate O’Beirne, and Lisa Schiffren’s talents lie, if you known what I mean and I think you do and probably wish I hadn’t brought it up.
But let’s get back to Lisa who, when not using her Hubble Telescope of Fashion Empowerment to check out the latest trends, goes small screen and reads the sexual tea leaves as embodied by Samantha from Sex and the City:
The people responsible for making threesomes seem ubiquitous among young women are, among others, the writers and producers of Sex in the City. Samantha had at least one such episode, in which she decided to invite a younger woman into the bed she shared with her on-and-off boyfriend, whose name I have forgotten, as a birthday present for him. It was cringe-inducing. We were supposed to notice that the boyfriend was more interested in the younger woman than was comfortable. And we were also supposed to notice that even the entirely sexually-liberated and omnivorous Samantha felt a twinge of jealousy.
So they were trying to tell us that it was bad.
Or not.
One real difference between the movie and the original show is that the movie portrayed the characters as middle-aged women, with all that implies for their happiness and desires. The original HBO series was frequently, and I always thought correctly, said to be written by gay men, who projected a lot of the norms and behavior of gay culture onto the female characters. This was especially the case with Samantha, whose voracity, promiscuity, and utter lack of guilt, shame, or desire for something deeper than sex was a better representation of a type of gay man than any common type of woman.
Yes. Only gay men are voracious and promiscuous, lacking guilt or shame. They can’t be bargained with. They can’t be reasoned with. They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they will absolutely will not stop, ever. They are Sexual Terminators.
The rest of us guys? We’re just want to cuddle.
Talk about your unrealistic fantasies…
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I wish these pesky, young, single women would stop propositioning my wife and I for threesomes. Keep your mainstream behavior to yourselves, I say, whenever they approach me while I’m minding my own business and thinking about monogamy.
Look, nobody wants to fuck Lisa Sciffren.
Not now, not in a milion years, not ever.
Nobody.
What about a spoon and Ben and Jerry’s? I assume that’s still a “go”.
Back in my wild and crazy days, I will admit to having part of a threesome or two. I came out of the experience thinking that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. But maybe I need a bigger sample size, (or more practice) it was just a few times.
Shouldn’t the title be “Everyone is hav[ING] more and better sex than you”? Minor grammar complaint.
having part, taking part, w/e. Stupid grammar.
Fixed.
”any common type of woman”
wow. that statement is so meaningful on so many levels.
I mean, I don’t think she means common as in low class, but it’s kind of fun to think of it that way.
But just going to the intended meaning, I would love to see schiffren’s typology of women. I wonder if it correlates with the ”semiotics of female power. . . .” WTF?
I have two hands, which means I have two palms … better go back to reading about the demise of the PGA now that it will once again be relegated to selling wares on McCain’s website now that Obama’s secret Muslim cousin has declared he’ll sit the rest of the season out.
Wait a minute. Didn’t they just totally disprove Maggie Gallagher’s point, which was that gays should never be allowed to marry because they are so uniquely depraved that they might have sex outside the marriage? But hey, now women are so depraved that Glamour has to warn them against threesomes with married men. I guess women shouldn’t get married either. Who’s left for all the straight white men to marry, themselves?
Hey Mark
A buddy of mine called Austin “the world’s slowest orgy”. I’ve always loved that line. So apt.
Having lived there during my college years, I can confirm that it was shockingly easy to have a threesome AND it was pretty uncomfortable being the Male Appendage. I, like Samantha, began to question my girlfriend’s commitment to me. On the other hand, women are better looking and sexier, so I also understood her enthusiasm.
And then there was the time I saw the kindling for “let’s have an orgy” start and decided it best to leave.
I don’t claim to be a sexual explorer or anything, but Jesus Christ, these vaginaphobic shut-ins wouldn’t have made it through one year of my life.
Aw, hell. I was a young man in the Sixties. We free-loving, drug-addled Freaks were downright decorous about sex if Schiffren is correct (Which I kind of fucking doubt).
Mona Charen? You mean:
I’m not dumb but I can’t understand why she walked like a woman and talked like a man, Mona!
M-O-N-A, Mona!
I dunno, it’s probably somewhat more common than Maggie thinks, but less than Vogue would have her believe. I dunno WTF she’d do with those of us for whom the threesome was a several-year-relationship ended against our collective will. Believe me, if we could have gotten married, we would have. (And not only because it would have saved a lot of legal hassles at the end.) Does that make us more or less depraved than the married couple with the occasional third? Frankly, it’s a wonder any straight marriages have survived….
Lisa’s piety stands as a tall pillar of morality in a cesspool of other people’s personal business – a mighty phallic symbol of judgment for all to behold.
I have no use for NR or any of it’s non-ink-stained wretches but its not only right-wingers who write this bilge. Eric Alterman made no secret of his loathing of SATC (the series) and beat NR to the punch with noting that the creator and the producer were gay men and that Samantha was a gay man in a woman’s body.
And it’s 10 PM in the East; do I know where your bassets are?
They really need to get out more spend some time around “the base”. I have rather fond memories of of the “voracity, promiscuity, and utter lack of guilt, shame, or desire for something deeper than sex” of the Redneck women of my native Oklahoma (who are all probably voting Republican now).
“new rules for single women and sexual adventures”
Who susbscribes to these “new rules” and where do I sign up?
Signed,
A voracious and promiscuous heterosexual man who lacks guilt, shame, and desire for something deeper than sex.*
*Unless said sex involves Lisa Schiffren, in which case we can skip the sex altogether. And the movie. And dinner…
The NR crowd aspire to write with the realism and clarity of letters to Penthouse Forum. But the PF correspondents appear to have more credibility on the topic of sex.
C’mon, TB…we know you’re just interested in the junk..
I graduated from San Diego State at the height of it’s reign as one of the top “party schools” in the country and was never approached for a threesome, or for anything else very interesting now that I think about it. Too much hanging out with frat boys before being rescued by Tbogg. However, when I worked at Nordstrom in men’s furnishings, after selling this couple a very expensive pair of cuff links, I was solicited by them for a 3-way roll in the hay. I was 6 months pregnant with the L&T Casey. I declined their offer(and was seriously freaked out by the whole encounter) but it goes to show you that not only is 3-way sex much more mainstream than the right cares to admit, but the next thing you know a “threesome” with some Hollywood starlet will be in the Neiman Marcus Holiday Catalog. Buon Natale!
I heard a rumor that JFK had a threesome with a couple of Hollywood starlets on Inauguration night. Ring-a-ding-ding!
Originally.
Mabye this is why they are so hot for warrentless wiretaps – to spy on the folks getting more than they are.
Personally I’ve never been in a threesome – never even been asked. (Sighs once quietly and walks away in a distracted manner)
Poor, deprived conservatives. They don’t realize that threesomes are so common that the French came up with a phrase waaaaay back when to describe them – a phrase that was more elegant than “hey, wanna have sex with me and my boyfriend?” Granted, I heard it put that way, too. Maybe if they had hung out with the really, really liberal people when they were single, they would have been presented with the option of as many threesomes as I was. Yes, I declined most that were offered. But they were fairly common in certain circles well over 20 years ago. You would think that someone might have asked them. Or, you know, not.
BTW, voracity, promiscuity, and utter lack of guilt, shame, or desire for something deeper than sex is the definition of a vast portion of twenty-somethings, isn’t it? It’s also a pretty common strategy for the recently dumped or terminally disappointed. I know quite a few women who swear by this and are quite happy. None of them is a common woman, though, so that might explain it.
Now MY opinion of an “odd threesome” is one that reportedly took place in 1984 among George W. Bush, a man whom he later appointed Ambassador to Poland, and a woman appearing as hired help. Now that’s odd. Who’d want to touch Dubya’s parts under any circumstances? Is Lisa Schiffren repressing knowledge of this incident?