I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m pretty pumped about Levi Johnston showing up at an otherwise boring and empty convention with his little puck bunny, Bristol Palin. God knows that what this four days of the living dead needs is some brews and some Jaeger shots, maybe crank up a little 36 Crazyfists (warning sound) to get this par-tay rawkin’. Aaaa-ooo!
High five!
Down low.
In the snow
Too slow!
And even though the maybe-gonna-be newlyweds haven’t had time to register at the Stampin’ Moose (you thought I was kidding, didn’t you?) just yet, what with thirty six hour engagement and all, you can still leave them the gift of a suggested name over at Slate for the next Palin-Johnston/ Johnston-Palin/ potential object of a protracted and ugly custody battle .
Remember that the Palin’s tend to the esoteric when it comes to names, so be creative. And short. Short is good too.
As for me, I went with Puck in honor of ole’ hockey dad since he’s the one who "put one between the pipes", as they say. Woo! High five!
"Puck Palin", that’s fuckin’ money, dude. They should totally go for it since it’s about the only choice they’re going to get to make involving this baby…





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Notsnhoj Nilap Palin Johnston
I am going to have to go with Zipper Palin as my choice.
Puck’s a great name. But what if they have a boy…?
If it’s a boy: Pinto. If it’s a girl: Flounder.
Seven, a beautiful name for a boy or a girl, especially a girl …
The name will be Johnny – Johnny Johnston – after the man that made them famous
The world would be a better place with a Broseph Palin in it.
Personally? I’m fond of Blade. Blade Palin. Now that’s a name the will stop the jukebox at the corner bar and mooseburger grill.
Bong.
“Dude, here comes Bong.”
It offers that real Alaskan flavor. Buzz Palin works well, too, as does Blunt Palin.
OK, TBogg. Short Palin it is. They can call him/her “Shorty” for short. Except that’s longer. Oh, well. . .
How about “Mitt” or “Tagg?”
what? no one has stated the obvious, yet??? MAVRICK Palin … named after the guy without whom the pending nuptuals wouldn’t be possible.
(Mav Palin, for short)
if it’s twins, will the other one be “Goose”?
Well if we’re on about Hockey, Puck is a good name, then they could nickname him Bisquit. Oh how precious.
But what of the other Hockey names:
Zamboni
Crease
Sog (shot on goal)
Deke
Grinder
Mucker
Onetimer
My favourite: Fivehole. Though that may be a little crass for a first name. Maybe it should be his (or hers) middle name.
Pow for a boy
Trollop for a girl
Im
Excellent suggestions! How about “Goon”? Of course, in hockey they always add an “ie” on the end, so we’ll have Goonie Johnston. Works because Daddy claims to be a kick-ass kinda guy — heh?
(Go Pens!)
Keg or maybe Kegger
Glacier
Snowshoe
Grizzly
…I don’t know,I think Keg is the winner out of my batch. Jager might be good,but it’s sorta foreign sounding….
Bauer – hockey and 24 !
Rig
Bit
Crank
Ooops
Moose. As in Moose Palin. Of course, given mom’s predilection for the good word, maybe his or her middle name can be Jesus. Moose Jesus Palin. Has a certain tundra-trailer-home-rapture feel to it.
Anyway, this whole sordid affair better end soon (or, well, not), because Mr. Tbogg is clearly enjoying it way too much — the last couple of posts have been over-the-top coffee-on-keyboard hilarious. The GOP: the party that never ends and keeps on giving.
Shell if it’s a girl
BeePee also if its a girl
Exxon if it’s a boy and Valdeez for the girl if its fraternal twins
Chevron could be for either
Arco for a boy
Plain ole Oil or Lio
To commemorate “that” moment, and this election season: Yes-I-Can Palin.
Also Anwar but it sounds Muslim and ofcourse Drill would be a super duper name.
Hey, all of those oily options suggest another name: Slick Palin. Saves them all the trouble of cookin’ up a nickname when he goes into Republican politics twenty years from now.
Biff – whether boy or girl.
I’m wondering whether Grandma Governor Palin has had even the slightest second thoughts about pushing abstinence-only for the whole country now that it’s worked out so well for her family. Naw. Second thoughts are for wishy-washy Democrats.
Sweet Crude Palin
Pipe Palin
Vet Palin
Changed my mind: Pump Palin
Oh please please please let me be home Saturday for Sat. night live,
I can just see the writers room now. Probably been going non-stop since Monday.
If I was Lorin Michaels, I would do a special.
Eric in Austin
Oh yah, how about Skelly (anyone remember Skelly oil co.? Anyone? )
Trooper for a boy (in honor of Momma’s brother-n-law)
Abstinence for a girl.
Short Drill Palin-Johnston.
It’s so freakin perfect.
I got a kick out of the Repubs response to the news of the pregnancy: “My friends, we’re all Palins now.”
If only it were curling – then it’d be obvious.
Stone Palin.
Or Rock. Rock Palin.
Or Skip! Skip Palin Johnston!
Or Broom.
How about Eagleton?
Why Flounder? (Burp) WHY NOT!?!?!
Puck has too much of a literary connection. That wont fly with the book burning crowd. How about Slapshot? Works for both genders. I know the dad will like it and who cares what the mom thinks, they’re Republicans.
Hacalugi, whether it is a boy or a girl, Hacalugi is the one!
Obviously, Trout Fishpicker
Choice. Choice Palin.
“Shinny”
Dim Palin
Snowflake
Polar Bear Palin
or
Aip Palin (for the Alaskin Independence Party)
Skink
after the road kill eating ex gov in the Carl Hiaasen novels
“Rouge Cou” if it’s a girl.
“Fuckin Rouge Cou” if it’s a boy.
She should name the kid Barack if he a boy, Hillary if she’s a girl. Only fair.
Ivel Palin (dad’s name backwards)
Veep Palin (in honor of grandma)
Barack Palin – IN HONOR OF THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE US OF A!
So wait – is this a normal sex baby, or an eye baby?
Tbogg – look what you’ve done – I can’t stop thinking of names. But I think I’ve got the perfect one-
SUDS!
after all, that’s what mommy and daddy were blasted on when they made little sudsy.
Abby, short for Abstinence — the class Mommy flunked at home school.
C’mon… it’s no contest: Regan.
(which is actually, one of the two disloyal princesses in Shakespeare’s “King Lear”.)
“Chance. Chance Palin.”
Wailin Pailin – whom they will be jailin’.
Vlad D. M. Palin
Snowflake Palin Johnston
Five For Fighting Johnston
High Sticking Johnston
Sin Bin Johnston
Moose Nugget Johnston
Trig2 (alternate: Trigtoo)
Maybe
Brewski (dad would like that one, I’m betting)
Bud (or BudLite if it’s a girl)
Nochoice
Noway
Spin (Spun if it’s a boy)
Flood (see Johnston Flood)
Graft
Stash
Shorter five for fighting: Major M(misconduct) Palin
I love snowflake for a little she Palin
Bork
Tump
Bridge
Pork
V.P.
Chester
Reagan
Peewee
Newt
Rush
Uhoh
Girl:
Novak
Tundra
Ptarmigan
Permafrost
Boy:
Vogler
Blowback
Vetted
Shotgun
Chastity?
Moose
Silvertip. That’s how a redneck I knew referred to his scary mom, as in a silvertip grizzly.
Wait, maybe that’s going to be grandma’s name?
How ’bout “Ice?” Short, punchy, Alaska- and hockey-related.
Husky Palin. (well, it’s better than Exxon)
Yosif[a] ([Wo]Man of Steel) Palin. On account of being so close to Russia, doncher know.
Prairie D Palin. Du-du-DAH!!
I gotta be honest. 5-hole had me ROTFLMFAO, but I wish we were renaming Mom.
Since the family seems to like short and simple (and weird):
Van Palin (are you in a band?)
Otherwise, I’m inclined to defer to Frank Zappa: “If it’s a boy, name it Dweezil, if it’s a girl, name it Moon Unit.”
Least likely choice: Michael.
Check Palin
Trig2.0 Palin
POW Palin
Slider Palin
Pipeline Palin
This is almost as much fun as when Wonkette had us name the baby pandas.
I like Avalanche Sidney myself.
Already got the youngest Palin daughter named “Piper”. The ‘First Gentleman’ of Alaska said the kids names were Track, because Todd ran track in high school and Sarah was really into sports, Bristol is named after Bristol Bay, where her daddy fished, Willow is named after a little town outside of Wasilla (and we can only speculate what happened there)and then Piper just because “there aren’t many people named Piper and it’s a cool name”.
When I read that I thought “Cool name, sure. I wonder why he’s reluctant to admit they named a kid after the Pipeline.”
Shotgun:
1. The wedding, obviously.
2. It’s how Daddy and Grandpa drink their beer. Grandma too, probably.
3. That all-important NRA vote.
Can’t miss!
National Enquirer Palin
Awesome Orr Johnston.
It works for a boy or a girl!
Damn, you get here late and the good ones are taken. How about Blotto Palin? Hell, use it for a girl, too.
Is Johnny Mac giving the acceptance at the Metrodome?
“…(and we can only speculate what happened there)”
Hmmm, how ’bout “Backseat?”
“Backseat Palin”
I like Halloweenjack’s “Shotgun”.. “Shots” for short?
Guns
Gunny “Sack” Palin
And the ever-popular: Oopsie!
Oh, it’s the gift that just keeps giving!
You should number “Can’t miss!” as number 4.
It works.
I’m guessing that the grandparents will push for a name that looks good on the roster of Skull & Bones initiates 19 years hence:
Conoco Phillips Johnston
Busch Preston “B.P.” Johnston
Of course if it’s a girl, the obvious choice will be Sidney!
Van Palin has so much going for it. Think of the family tattoo options. Plus it makes wedding march music kinda easy.
I just noticed at Think Progress dot com that the person in charge of the teen pregnancy house that Palin slashed funds for in a line item veto in April’s last name is Trigg, John Trigg.
April 2008 was Trig/Trigg month.
Rhythm Method Johnston (”Methodee” for short)
Poster Child Johnston
Wrapyer Johnston
Gordie Palin
Howe Palin
Bobby(ie) Clarke Palin
Hat Trick Palin
Lord Stanley Palin, or Lady Bing Palin
Dudley Doorite Palin
Smoked Palin
Igloo Palin
Ding Ding Ding!!!
We have a winner!
Wrapyer Johnston
But what if its a boy??
Meth Johnston
Meth Johnston
Could always go by “Crystal”.
But what if its a boy??
Rapture Johnston?
Rapture Johnston?
Bwaaaahahahaha!
I can just see him as a future politician. Loses his first attempt at Governorship, and his second campaign uses this slogan:
“If you had Rapture Johnston, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Or “Rapture promises to serve only one term if elected. Why? Well he knows things…”
Shelby
Boy: Gotta be Hanson, in honor of daddy’s spiritual cousins, the Hanson Brothers (see photo above).
Girl: Abstinence. Just perfect.
Pad
Post
Fivehole
Mask
Jock
Icing
Olson Johnston, whose descendants will go on to found Rock Ridge, Alaska.
Okay, I’ll play:
Trap Johnston
McCain for a boy; Jaeger for a girl.
Rapture Johnston FTW!
Lesol or lysol , enough said
Earmark Johnston
Bonus. Grandma Johnston said the baby was a bonus.