The future Mrs. Rich Lowry. Now ribbed for his pleasure…
Desperate for a date to take to John McCain’s inaugural ball, manly man Ace O’ Spades goes cruising for one of those imaginary PUMA wimmins. But first he asks the question that keeps men up all night (and not in a good way): "What do PUMA’s want?"
A few PUMAs here on the site now. Maybe more lurking.
I have to ask because I don’t know — I really don’t know precisely how Democrats think, and I’m not being snarky or insulting; I have vague guesses, but I don’t know — what can we all on the right do better to grab up more of your kind?
Not you guys per se, as you’re pretty anti-Obama, but the sorta-PUMAs or disaffected Democrats still inclined to vote for Obama.
What can McCain or Palin do? What can anyone on the right do? Are there, for example, right leaning politicians or commentators you actually trust to a significant degree who would be particularly persuasive making the case?
Is the Wright Stuff good for PUMA-esque Democrats, or does it not work? I dunno.
Is there some aspect of Obama you guys particularly despise which we’re not emphasizing enough?
What are McCain and Palin’s weak spots? If it’s something obvious like abortion, can you think of anyway to mitigate this turn-off?
Perhaps he should take this up with former Clinton supporter and Pamela Harriman manqué Lynn Forrester Bottomsniffer Dumbledore de Rothschild over a bottle of Mouton Rothschild Pauillac 1990.
I understand it goes well with Play-doh and bacon.
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Sarah Palin has a good future on the Jerry Springfield show…
When you’re a politician (or a political blogger), it’s hard to hide the fact that no one likes your actual policies. You can’t ‘mitigate’ the fact that you’re anti-abortion — either you are or you aren’t. You can’t ‘make the case’ when the case sucks.
Guess they’ll just have to deal with the fact that no one likes them.
I meant the Jerry Springer show, of course. It’s been a while since I watched TV. But Palin’s soap opera existence seems just right for that venue.
Is there some aspect of Obama you guys particularly despise which we’re not emphasizing enough?
From my limited conversations with that most endangered breed, they could try making the focus of this last month of the campaign about how great Hillary Clinton is and how she really should have been the Democratic candidate and how she would have been the greatest president EVAR cause she’s obviously the most qualified and accomplished person around but the evil conniving DNC cheated her out of what was her due and so the plan is that everyone should vote for Palin/McCain so that immediately after they take office Palin will resign, McCain will make Hillary his VP, and then follow with his immediate resignation and thus Hillary’s ascension to the Oval Office.
Oh, and Obama supporters under the age of 25 have to get “I is a big rude stupid head” tatooed on their foreheads.
Yeah, I think that would about do it. So get to it, GOP – the PUMA vote awaits!
Now with more playdoh and less bacon. Or vice versa if you prefer.
In the meantime, Troopergate marcheth onward. (Of course, they had to release it on a Friday afternoon–by Monday, there may not even be a stock market, so who knows who will notice–and I’m not sure where they go forward from here–vote for impeachment in the Alaskan lege? But still, hey.)
Reading through the “helpful suggestions” from PUMAs — they’re pulling poor ol’ Ace’s leg, aren’t they. “Give Hilary a cabinet position.” “Put Palin out there, women love her”. “Put Todd out there”. “Put Cindy out there.” Cindy. That’s right, a fragile-looking plastic-surgeried-up designer-dressed trophy wife who inherited everything from daddy while her half-sisters got stiffed — she’ll make the Hilary supporters come running.
I’ve always thought it was wrong to make fun of mentally challenged people.
I no longer think that.
Bwaaaaaahahahahahahahaha…. Whew! I’m outta breath.
Jesus H Christ, is Ace really wondering whether the 20 people who call themselves 56,000 PUMAs are really on the fence when it comes to voting for Obama ? He’s asking them what needs to be done to bring them across to the non-Obama side is he ?
That is one thick virgin right there.
I love the idea that the best way to win a vital national election, where the entire country and its future is at stake, is to figure out what trivial character flaw makes people “despise” a perfectly respectable candidate and then “emphasize the shit out of it.” You know, I hear the Obama doesn’t put his laundry in the laundry basket and that he has morning breath, too. That would definitely cause me to throw my vote to mccain.
aimai
I really don’t know precisely how Democrats think,
Or human beings in general, in fact.
Nothing like watching someone publicly grope around in search of the elusive political clitoris. There’s more than a whiff of desperation to Ace’s wheedling here, and it’s disingenuous even for him. He knows better.
But just for shits and giggles, I would objectively tell Ace that what “Democrats” want, what “PUMAs” want, what people in general and women in particular want, is security. Eight years of empty bluster and abject failure on every useful metric on every major issue, followed by an erratic old man who aimlessly roams during debates and pulls a dippy, winking milf out of his back pocket as a serious running mate — I mean seriously, Ace, who in their right mind votes for all that? “I lost all your fuckin’ money in a poker game — vote for me anyway, baby. Who loves ya?” Talk about your battered wife syndrome.
You wanna know what PUMAs want besides an honest eight inches and for you to throw your back into it once in a while? They want to not lose 20% of their 401k’s in a single week, while our ridiculous failure of a legacy MBA preznit stands there with a glazed “nobody here but us chickens” look on his face.
Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ. People are losing their houses and jobs at an alarming rate, and all the dead-enders can ask is, “What can we do for youse?”, like they’re offering to buy a roofie-laden drink. Says it all.
take a look at this sarah palin video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1exiyBYnJ00