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Pugsly wants to be put down. Please. For the love of God…
It seems that Reader-Americans who aren’t enamored with tales of teenage emo-vampires have instead clasped the simple tale of boy, a Christmas sweater, and a LESSON TO BE LEARNED to their collective bosoms:
#1 New York Times bestselling author and renowned radio and television host Glenn Beck delivers an instant holiday classic about boyhood memories, wrenching life lessons, and the true meaning of the gifts we give to one another in love.
We weren’t wealthy, we weren’t poor — we just were. We never wanted for anything, except maybe more time together….
When Eddie was twelve years old, all he wanted for Christmas was a bike. Although his life had gotten harder — and money tighter — since his father died and the family bakery closed…Eddie dreamed that somehow his mother would find a way to have his dream bike gleaming beside their modest Christmas tree that magical morning.
What he got from her instead was a sweater. "A stupid, handmade, ugly sweater" that young Eddie left in a crumpled ball in the corner of his room.
Scarred deeply by the realization that kids don’t always get what they want, and too young to understand that he already owned life’s most valuable treasures, that Christmas morning was the beginning of Eddie’s dark and painful journey on the road to manhood. It will take wrestling with himself, his faith, and his family — and the guidance of a mysterious neighbor named Russell — to help Eddie find his path through the storm clouds of life and finally see the real significance of that simple gift his mother had crafted by hand with love in her heart.
Based on a deeply personal true story, The Christmas Sweater is a warm and poignant tale of family, faith and forgiveness that offers us a glimpse of our own lives — while also making us question if we really know what’s most important in them.
A timely story indeed as cash-strapped Americans face a bleak Christmas exchanging matchbooks pilfered from restaurant hostess stations and possibility some leavings salvaged from Megan McArdle’s trash bins.
Kudos to Mary Matalin, Chief Editor at Threshold Editions, for redirecting Becks energies and shooting down his proposal for The Very Bad, Really Awful, Gone Horribly Awry, Dark and Painful Christmas Hemorrhoidectomy.
Pitch meeting below
To be honest, the Hallmark Hall Of Fame people were finally able to unclench their own butts.
Worst. Christmas. Special. Ever.
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Much Shorter Beck: I’m such a total douchebag because I didn’t get a bike when I was a kid.
How much “wrestling” was done w/ Russell, the “mysterious neighbor?” Inquiring minds want to know.
It’s a variation on the man cold! With more melodrama.
Speaking of Christmas gifts, maybe someone can make a calendar out of those airbrushed-to-within-an-inch-of-their-lives loons in fur. Of course, you’d have to pay people to buy it.
It’s a shame that narcissism doesn’t have visible (or better yet, painful) symptoms. That way, perhaps we’d be spared the likes Mr. Beck.
I hear Jesus’ General could give him a few pointers on that wrestling thing.
OMG! A crummy sweater handmade by Ma. That sounds just like Ron Weasley in all those Harry Potter stories! Even Harry got one from Mrs. Weasley!
Kewl.
The greatness! The heroic character! The deep insights into the human condition! And all because he overcame the horrifying trauma of getting a sweater for Christmas. No wonder he was able to survive his asshole surgery with such fortitude. My God, the man’s an inspiration to us all. The only thing better would have been a book by Russell, the mysterious neighbor, with some sweater patterns from Mom enclosed.
In Beck’s first draft, Beck as a child had a bad leg and had to use a crutch. Everyone called him Tiny Glenn (Now, only his wife calls him that). He wanted a Daisy Red Ryder BB gun rather than a bike. His father ran a small local bank that was about to go under until he regained his faith in his work through the intercession of three ghosts.
Just what everyone wants for Christmas — the latest edition of the Christmas glurge story, authored by the lesser Rush Limbaugh wannabe. Didn’t Charles Dickens cover this territory about 150 years ago?
I think Glenn Beck should star in a Reverse It’s a Wonderful Life. He runs around and finds out how great everyone’s life is because he was never born.
-G
Alas, afterwards the doctors couldn’t tell what was the hemorrhoid and what was the rest of the patient. The results speak for themselves.
So now Beck is blaming his widowed mother for the fact that he is a total asshole?
Beck’s mother committed suicide when he was thirteen. She must have been prescient.
Hold on a humbugging minute! Is Glenn Beck suggesting that our attitudes are more important than material possessions? And that we should be grateful for what we have???
Looks like someone needs a little re-Neducation!
“I’ll be honest. I am a 27 year old male who has not read a book since I was forced to in high school.”
Actual beginning of one of the many five-star reviews. A book for people who don’t like to read. Glenn is a marketing genius!
In the whiny video, Beck says he doesn’t want to become “the joke that just will never end”. Ha! Too late Bub, way too late.
I made it to 1:05 in the video. After stopping it, I note there is over 7 minutes of this assholery. Puhleasse.
Today’s euphemism:
“Russell is mysterious”
Go fuck yourself, Glenn.
Is it true that Glen Beck fucked his mother? How many times? Was she still alive?
I realize the Christianists can’t be expected to be like Jesus in everything they do, but could they at least try to be a little less pathetically needy in the way they write parables about themselves?
Russell already had that covered, thanks.
I saw adds for this monstrosity at the movie theater of all places. My girlfriend had to physically hold me down to keep me from jumping up and yelling “Merry Christmas from that fascist fuck?!” I’ll never watch Hallmark or buy a fucking card from them again.
dude, that’s brilliant! Only, there are SO many other contenders for the lead role…..better make it a TV series.
Kids nowadays, they have all that GPS crap to find their way through the storm clouds of life. Little bastards, don’t know how lucky they have it…
The best sweater story I ever heard (saw) was a CBC animated short about a young boy in Quebec who just had to have a #9 Montreal Canadiens sweater and his mother got him a Toronto Maple Leafs sweater instead.
If you’re a hockey fan or like Canadian stories this one is a don’t miss. The Youtube video has really bad sound, but the story is timeless.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJlilwLlBhg
” … the real significance of that simple gift his mother had crafted by hand with love in her heart.”
Using a paper clip, duct tape and a rubber band.
Isn’t that what he had surgery for?
RE the video, doesn’t he mean ”a real brown-eye opening experience”?
That’s Roch Carrier’s “The Sweater” … the story is such a classic that a selection of it is printed on the Canadian 5 dollar bill.
Here’s a better version (except for a bump at the beginning):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD5pctWlzpk
BTW, in case anyone is put off by the beginning, it is supposed to represent the child’s drawings of winter in Quebec, the style changes pretty soon after. It is wonderful to watch on the big screen.