In other news, Donnie Wahlberg rails against the boy-band aesthetic.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0189589/

Also, see the mini-autobiography. La-dieeees…..

Ugh.

No “SweetCherry69,” I don’t want it. Congratulations, you have breasts. They’re no different from other breasts that have come before yours; you simply choose to put them on display like the Obama family on a tabloid stand.

Hey, watch it! This guy won the “highly publicized national comedy competition on Myspace”! He knows from funny, people! Just read his obviously self-penned imdb bio!

So many of these little wingnuts suffering from Premature Curmudgeonism. It makes me remember the days when I hated those sluts and gymrats who ignored me because they couldn’t recognize my obvious superiority. Then I hit twelfth grade, and everything changed.

Judging from the photo and his comments, this young ubermench is obiviously totally and completely heterosexual. Just like Larry Craig and Ted Haggard – who is so completely heterosexual that people are writing songs about it.

Lookit that tiny head amongst those massive shoulders.

Seems that one should have spent a little less time developing the former at the expense of the latter.

More’s the pity…

He starts with:

“Whereas the last column discussed Americans slowly giving up our liberties, here I hope to discuss a perpetual loss of sexual identity.”

And then goes on to say that sexual identity is more important than sexual liberty. At least it remains so as long as the women in the moisture-wicking shorts aren’t giving him blowjobs.

If the douchebag could get a date, he’d be praising all the metro dudes for their dropping out of the competition for real women. Instead, he’s obviously another example of Man Who Blames the Women (and Womanly Men) for his Lack of a Convenient Warm Hole. Nothing wrong with him, no. I’m sure he joined that gym just to lift weights and grunt, too.

What I obviously meant is that one should have spent a little MORE time developing the former at the expense of the latter.

Yeah, I’m smart. Smart like a platypus, which also clearly has identity problems…

Steven has since appeared in numerous films, television shows and radio programs, all the while, taking his unique brand of humor across the country garnering countless accolades and winning the hearts of fans (still, no dames).

No dames? I can’t imagine why. . .

So let’s review:

- Mousses up hair
- Disgusted by women who speak to him at the gym (and their ordinary, everyday breasts)
- misses all the manly men hanging out at the gym, who fight bears, or look like bears, or something.

Next stop, stall no. 2, Minneapolis Airport.

I think Steven should make this a regular feature.

I suggest he call it ‘The Diary of a Not So Deeply Repressed He-guy’.

A verry parfait gentil knighte, indeed, the form of a Perfect Man. Soon enough to be headlining at the mens room in the back of Plato’s Cave.

It won’t be long before he and Pro-Whiz Jeffy start cock slapping each other.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Oh no, she didn’t!

Gone were the strongmen of old who liked to lift heavy things and bare-knuckle box black bears.

I think that we just figured out what Miss Steven really wants.

I went over and had a look at the comments – I honestly can’t tell which are real and which are parodies.

Then again, the article is the same way. Are we sure that Big Hollywood isn’t some gigantic SubGenius prank?

He’s so many he won’t even give you a reach-around!

argh. “many” = “manly”

How can a guy that obviously plucks his eyebrows call out anyone for being metrosexual?

And why do I get the feeling that he really doesn’t understand what metrosexual means?

Is there a limit to IQ scores in order to be a writer at Tiny Hollywood?

It’s really kind of sad that someone this young is so douchy. By the time he is actually middle aged, he’ll be in full crank mode.

His hair looks like a fluffy helmet head. or one of these unfortunate hats I saw all over the EU. except the hairhat pod people have more flavor.

He’s got a real purty mouth.

You know, if you really has this insatiable urge to test your manhood and grapple with iron, there’s always the army, son. See how you don’t like big titties and moisture-wicking “fitness tarts” then.

It’s as if Crowder hasn’t figured out that many gyms are meat markets as well, and would actually be offended by the prospect if he knew. Personally, in my gym-rat days, I considered it extra incentive to work out harder. But I’m nutty like that; I actually like women. Steve’s still too afraid of Teh Bacon ‘n’ Play-Doh to recognize an opening line when he’s hit with it.

With that ‘tude, maybe he should invest in a medicine ball and a kangaroo, and set up his He-Man Wimmin-Hater’s Club in his garage.