How do those of us who want every pearl from your fingers find you? Lots of us are tweeps, you know.

The GOP has doubled down on this brand spanking new technology (or as Michael Steele would say, “tweeting is bad, it’s phat!”)

By July, twittering will be, like, so 2008. Just like “Myface.”

It is the twilight of the twitterati.

So, here’s my Lileks/Twitter story.

Last fall he started following me and I noticed I hadn’t tweeted anything political so I politely informed him that maybe he hadn’t scrolled far enough back through my history and that, in the long run, he might not be happy with me. He assured me that, as long as I was funny, he was open-minded enough to handle it.

I thought “Oookay” and, against my better judgement, followed him back.

About a month later I noticed someone else responding to him and realized I hadn’t seen him in my timeline in a while. I thought that was odd because even if he had stopped following me, I hadn’t stopped following him so I should still see him.

Turns out that not only had he stopped following me, he had *blocked* me. Now, those of you not familiar with Twitter might not get the passive/aggressive implications here, but blocking is generally reserved for spammers, someone who’s deliberately picked of a fight with you or someone who might be stalking you.

Conservatives, apparently, just use it when the uncomfortable realization that they’re not nearly as open-minded as they like to think they are strikes.

I set up a Twitter account yesterday figuring there would be gold in them thar tweets and, so far, I’m kind of disappointed.

S’what you get for following me. Watch out for the Blippers — they’re the kids on your lawn of Twitter.

So I spend a few days in the hospital, only to find out that Lileks is now a-twittering? Fuck, if it wasn’t so expensive, I’d take more books with me and go back.

I suppose I’m showing my age, but I just don’t get Twitter. But then I don’t even do chat, or text. Sigh.

I think the highschoolish Twitter is the perfect catapult-the-propaganda-tool for the GOP and their fellow whores in the media.

For a clique that has been whining about the blogosphere to latch onto this method of communication is hilarious.

Shorter Twitter: Oh ma Gawd, did you see Michelle Obama’s arms? I mean eeewww….Isn’t John Boehner hawt!

Childish meanderings for a pack of people so grossly decadent and corrupt it boggles the mind.

Hopefully Rove will be able to tweet from the Hague.

-G

You simply lack the twisted combination of rampant narcissism and constant need for social reinforcement of the average 14 year old (or adult Gooper).

Of course it’s not a chat. This is a Chat:

http://wildphotosphotography.c…..d_chat.htm

I hated text so much I had the phone company block it permanently. Guess where I stand on twittery?

I have to say that I don’t really know what twitter is and I don’t care. I will not participate in the twitter program. I’m twitter free and damn happy about it!

Exactly.

It’s basically freaking IM without the interactive part (maybe they should call it M. And I hate IM to begin with.

Bleh. What’s the frickin’ point?

Get off my lawn, ya damn kids!1!!one!

After all that grousing and snarking, YOU CAVED!

I hope you get loads of conservative followers and irritate the living shit out of them.

Btw, Karl Rove twitters. So does K-Lo.

http://twitter.com/KarlRove
http://twitter.com/kathrynlopez

and the lady who hates women in sweaters.
http://twitter.com/annalthouse

Why Twit? Lesley’s remark about aggravating conservatives might make it worthwhile, otherwise, I’m with the guy who mentioned facebook/myspace earlier.

Is that an oversize twittering device in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? I assume you can do this activity on your cellphone while driving…home from the bar…in the fog…

Enjoy.

Personally I’m of the belief that you should twitter fewer times a day than you have to pee. But then, I don’t drink beer so your flushes may vary…

It’s easier to pee when you’re sitting down. Just like Twittering.

You want a Twit to follow? Gaia save me, twit this:

Um, no hors d’oeuvres? No slow jams? No chicks? Sometimes I wonder why I even go to these Klan rallies.

Death beckons. Gaia, almost home.

I thought strip poker involved more wine coolers and fewer stretch marks. Also: Women. Worst webinar ever.

Ooopp! AAaccck! TTHHHpppppp!

You can train an African Grey parrot to beat me at Yahtzee but I guess you can’t train him to not be a big dick about it.

Either someone spilled a Shamrock Shake in my jacuzzi or I just fucked a leprechaun.

In my day, the hand gesture for “doing it” was sticking one finger in one hole. Kids today need like fourteen fingers and that Wii doodad!!!

You can’t beat Warren Ellis

http://twitter.com/warrenellis

Personally I’m of the belief that you should twitter fewer times a day than you have to pee.

Too bad there’s no such thing as a Flomax equivalent for Twitter. Peeing too much and tweeting too much seems to be a problem for the same demographic group (rich old white guys)…

Guy from Ohio, fireland is probably one of the best twitterers out there. He uses it solely for short jokes and they’re usually pretty good.

So, all the twitter haters, yes, there are thousands if not millions of twitterers out there who suck balls by the ton, and there are plenty of twitter conversations that you aren’t going to get because they’re obsessively, insanely back and forth between people and they’re cryptically obscure.

But guess what? So is the blogosphere for noobs. Should someone stop reading Atrios because they don’t get references to “Tweety” or “Timmeh”? What’s this pony everyone keeps talking about? Meh, I’ll just go back to reading cereal boxes.

Okay, I get it, you don’t get twitter, you don’t understand twitter, you don’t want to understand twitter, you need more bran. Whatever. But this grumpy old harumphing attitude just sounds kind of silly.

Oh noooes, something new like that auto-mobile contraption. Give me mah ol hoss and buggy, sonny, and keep your claptrap to yourself.

Again. Whatever.

The thing is, I was once like you. I didn’t twitter, didn’t get twitter, didn’t want to get twitter.

Then I had to start researching it for my work (advertisers are all hep to jumping in on social media; I work for an advertising company; and, yes, I know what Bill Hicks has to say re: advertisers; thanks). I started doing it for work, then after a while I started liking it. I started to enjoy the slow, then fast, then slow again nature of the conversation that was going on.

Maybe conversation isn’t the exact right word, but it’s like the world’s slowest instant message service — and I like that about it. I don’t have to feel pressured to make with a response right this very second. Or I can respond right this very second. It’s up to me. If I want, I can even do it with my phone.

Now, you may not find great social value in this and that’s just fine and dandy. I don’t personally care much for opera.

But guess what, gang?

I don’t go around saying that anyone who likes opera is an asshole because they don’t like something I don’t. I don’t make the assumption that because they like doing something that I don’t that I must have some inherent moral superiority. I gave opera a try, it wasn’t for me. End of story there as far as opera goes. Maybe in another ten years, I’ll give it a go again, see if if takes. I keep an open mind to the possibility.

But the idea that twitter is teh stupit because you once looked at one person’s page and said, “Whu–?” is, well, quite frankly, idiotic.

Meanwhile, I’ll continue personally twittering, as well as serving up micro-micro fiction at http://www.twitter.com/neverworn