So, all the twitter haters, yes, there are thousands if not millions of twitterers out there who suck balls by the ton, and there are plenty of twitter conversations that you aren’t going to get because they’re obsessively, insanely back and forth between people and they’re cryptically obscure.

But guess what? So is the blogosphere for noobs. Should someone stop reading Atrios because they don’t get references to “Tweety” or “Timmeh”? What’s this pony everyone keeps talking about? Meh, I’ll just go back to reading cereal boxes.

Okay, I get it, you don’t get twitter, you don’t understand twitter, you don’t want to understand twitter, you need more bran. Whatever. But this grumpy old harumphing attitude just sounds kind of silly.

Oh noooes, something new like that auto-mobile contraption. Give me mah ol hoss and buggy, sonny, and keep your claptrap to yourself.

Again. Whatever.

The thing is, I was once like you. I didn’t twitter, didn’t get twitter, didn’t want to get twitter.

Then I had to start researching it for my work (advertisers are all hep to jumping in on social media; I work for an advertising company; and, yes, I know what Bill Hicks has to say re: advertisers; thanks). I started doing it for work, then after a while I started liking it. I started to enjoy the slow, then fast, then slow again nature of the conversation that was going on.

Maybe conversation isn’t the exact right word, but it’s like the world’s slowest instant message service — and I like that about it. I don’t have to feel pressured to make with a response right this very second. Or I can respond right this very second. It’s up to me. If I want, I can even do it with my phone.

Now, you may not find great social value in this and that’s just fine and dandy. I don’t personally care much for opera.

But guess what, gang?

I don’t go around saying that anyone who likes opera is an asshole because they don’t like something I don’t. I don’t make the assumption that because they like doing something that I don’t that I must have some inherent moral superiority. I gave opera a try, it wasn’t for me. End of story there as far as opera goes. Maybe in another ten years, I’ll give it a go again, see if if takes. I keep an open mind to the possibility.

But the idea that twitter is teh stupit because you once looked at one person’s page and said, “Whu–?” is, well, quite frankly, idiotic.

Meanwhile, I’ll continue personally twittering, as well as serving up micro-micro fiction at http://www.twitter.com/neverworn

Personally I’m of the belief that you should twitter fewer times a day than you have to pee.

Too bad there’s no such thing as a Flomax equivalent for Twitter. Peeing too much and tweeting too much seems to be a problem for the same demographic group (rich old white guys)…

http://twitter.com/warrenellis

You can train an African Grey parrot to beat me at Yahtzee but I guess you can’t train him to not be a big dick about it.

Either someone spilled a Shamrock Shake in my jacuzzi or I just fucked a leprechaun.

In my day, the hand gesture for “doing it” was sticking one finger in one hole. Kids today need like fourteen fingers and that Wii doodad!!!

I thought strip poker involved more wine coolers and fewer stretch marks. Also: Women. Worst webinar ever.

It’s easier to pee when you’re sitting down. Just like Twittering.

You want a Twit to follow? Gaia save me, twit this:

Um, no hors d’oeuvres? No slow jams? No chicks? Sometimes I wonder why I even go to these Klan rallies.

Is that an oversize twittering device in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? I assume you can do this activity on your cellphone while driving…home from the bar…in the fog…

Enjoy.

http://twitter.com/KarlRove
http://twitter.com/kathrynlopez

and the lady who hates women in sweaters.
http://twitter.com/annalthouse

I hope you get loads of conservative followers and irritate the living shit out of them.