Additional Shorter Ed: Obama totally stole my idea to overturn the ban on media covering returning fallen soldiers at Dover AFB.

Shorter works for the diminutive nitwit. Between this ass and the jagoff from CBS concern trolling him, I give Obama props for not wading into the gaggle.

I made some pizza dough the other day that looked like Ed Henry’s head.

He’s a toad. Which is a drag, because I really like amphibians.

Shorter Ed: “Republicans friends thought I did a great job, and they totally gave me a few incisive questions about “birth certificates” to ask next time.”

I followed the link. Stomach-churning. No wonder I mute him if I wander onto CNN for a bit.

Here’s an excerpt from the first draft…

“So I waited patiently and then decided to pounce with a sharp follow-up. From just a few feet away, I could see in his body language that the normally calm and cool president was perturbed. I yelled “How ya like me now, asshole?!? Then the whole press corps gave me a standing ovation.

“Later when I was chilling back at the crib with my girlfriend, Scarlett Johannsen…”

Shorter Ed Henry? What’s that — 4′ 9″ ?

Goddam fucking retard. Probably thinks his dick is almost three inches long, too.

New Zen question, which came first; the arrogance or the idiocy?

His hair is douchey, too.

“After frantic preparation for the prime-time newser […] I had several provocative questions in my pocket.” Shorter Ed: “So, President Obama, do you feel lucky, punk?“

I was heading into this event with the same strategy: make news on something unexpected (I won’t tell you which topics I was working on cause it would ruin the surprise for a future presser or interview with the president).

It was here that I wanted to pour some extremely strong alcoholic beverage in my morning coffee.

Well, Ed, you got your wish for “making news,” anyway.

::

Where was this douche with his “provocative questions” during the Bush era?

Read the responses to his article; ninety percent are smackdowns. I hope he read them, after begging for support from his viewers. Jeez, what a tool!

The president probably was answering this way, under his breath, “Douché”.

Isn’t he one of the guys they invented that color for? You know, maroon?

I’ll bet the pizza dough was smarter.

It’s always the self inflated puffballs that overlook their own smallishness and want to be big.

(Just picture him with his arms in the air, exclaiming “I’m a Big Boy now!”) Feels right, don’t it?

Wow, that’s some serious reality inversion; O’Lielly would be jealous (if he wasn’t such an egotistical blowhard that can’t consider anyone else as out-doing him. Except Crazyboy Beck that is).

So the exchange was a great political Rorschach: Each party saw their own talking points in the reflection of the back-and-forth.

Does he have any idea how utterly meaningless this makes his “journalism” appear? If anybody can interpret reality any way they want, you haven’t done a very good job of presenting reality, have you?

From just a few feet away, I could see in his body language that the normally calm and cool president was perturbed.

“perturbed” might be a little strong, Eddie. Looked to me like the Prez was swatting away a gnat. Geez.

Time for a nickname contest?

Too bad “Special Ed” is already taken. Maybe “Munchkin” works…(”I represent the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids…”)

Does Ed Henry always write in unrhyming couplets? And who could have guessed that a reporter’s recap of the time he got to ask the president a question would be so uninteresting?

Didn’t Ed Henry used to be that guy with the rainbow wig holding the “John 3:16″ sign? Very provocative.

I think that we all know what the euphemism “several provocative questions in my pocket” really refers to, and why he is no longer allowed within a thousand feet of any school.

Dredging the primordial ooze of my previous life as a journalist, I vaguely remember something about it being a no-no to insert yourself into the story. It’s okay for journalists to break rules but not investment bankers? Why aren’t wingnuts outraged over this deterioration of the fourth estate? Oh. Silly me. Hypothetical money is WAY more important than that objective version of the facts we naively consider to be “truth.”

Seriously, though, outrage over AIG bonuses and $3 will get me a latte at Peet’s. Skip the outrage. Those asshats have already trashed the economy. No use allowing them to ruin my digestion….

For a nickname? Since Special Ed is taken?

I humbly submit Bone Ed.