In this shocking video exclusive, a disheveled and possibly "baked" Andrew Breitbart (of BigHo kinda might-have-heard-of-him fame) appears before all nine members of (checks notes to see who these yokels are) Americans for Limited Government in some bar with people laughing and shit, and reveals that:

  • Oprah Winfrey is more powerful than George Soros, Rupert Murdoch, Jesus, and Shakira’s Ass combined and that is why Barack Obama is America’s Nubian King today.
  • If you have ever wondered who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all about, and you guessed funky-fresh hip-hop-happenin’ Thaddeus "Rock ‘n Roll Animal" McCotter from Michigan’s 11th Congressional District…well, pour yourself a Zima.

He’s a complicated man but no
one understands him but his woman

It seems that Andrew had to go to Washington and explain to Republicans that they need to loosen up, show a little skin, blow an undercover cop in a public restroom, bang a leggy supermodel before simple godfearing American voters will say, "Hey. That guy is just like me! Except I live alone in a double-wide and masturbate to NuvaRing commercials. I should totally vote for him!"

Someone just like  Thaddeus.

Obviously, this news is too important to be limited to the (checks notes again…. where the fuck am I? Who are these assholes? Oh yeah…) People for Limited Government or Americans for Something Government or whatever, so you should spread it around.

Now. Who ordered the buffalo wings..?