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John Ziegler, last seen squirming and giggling when attacked by the Invisible Tickle Monster, pleads his case at BigHo where self-promoting isn’t a bug, it’s the only reason people write for them. Among his many "interesting" observations littered with "air quotes":

First, one of the ways that those on the left have used to try to avoid having to hold their nose and support the free speech rights of a rabble-rousing “conservative,” is that USC is a “private” school and therefore they had the right to kick me out for no purpose. I even saw one prominent blog with the headline “Ziegler Arrested for Trespassing on Private Property,” which is just laughably false. 

While USC is indeed a “private” school, this does not in any way legally make their property like that of a private residence. First, they take federal tax money, and second it has a very “open” campus and the area I was in has direct access from a public street without even a gate blocking the way. At any given moment there are many people walking on the sidewalks where I was arrested who are neither students, faculty nor invited guests of the University. I had every right to be there (outside the building where the award ceremony took place) and I did nothing to provoke or warrant being handcuffed, arrested or removed from the property.

And, you know, that whole USC thing?  It wasn’t a publicity stunt:

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, while obviously I welcome anything that raises awareness of my film and its truth, THIS WAS NOT A PUBLICITY STUNT and I had absolutely zero intention or expectation of anything like this happening. I honestly thought that I would go, ask a few embarrassing questions of the authorities, give away my film, and hopefully be able to speak to some of those who were going to the event so that I could share with them the real truth of the matter. 

For those cynics out there (I am one, by the way) who still don’t believe me, I ask you to answer the following questions. 

If this was a publicity stunt, why didn’t I force the authorities to book me so that I would get a mug shot and face formal charges which would exponentially increase the media coverage of the event? 

If I anticipated anything like what occurred, why did I park my car in a metered parking space where if I was gone for more than an hour the chances of my car being towed would be extremely high? 

If I wanted this to occur, why did I not have any scripted lines ready to go or any sort of publicity machine mobilized to take advantage of the news potential of the incident? Why did I have to call my lawyer after I got kicked off the property to see if what the law said about what one could do at a “private” university. 

While I completely understand the skepticism, any objective look at the facts or at who I am as a person will force you to conclude that my motives were actually rather pure here.

Actually, it was a publicity stunt, just not exactly the publicity stunt John wanted. Ziegler went to USC accompanied by a camera crew with the intent of filming himself annoying people while plugging his DVD . It was at that point that things, as they often do in John’s life, went horribly terribly awfully, yet hilariously, awry.

As John once said, things haven’t gone well for him in LA:

Ziegler fought back tears during a second day of testimony Thursday as he described his current life in Los Angeles:

"My life has been not disrupted — it’s been destroyed," Ziegler said at one point. "On numerous occasions, I have lived in 10 different states, largely because — almost entirely because — of this career.

"I am not married. I have no children. I’m now living 3,000 miles from the closest people of my life. I’m missing my nieces and nephews growing. I hate where I live. I don’t even feel like LA is America. I feel like when I come here I ought to go into the international terminal, show my passport."

If reading John’s story fills you with sadness and overwhelming despair at the notion that life  is nothing more than a downward spiral of emptiness and heartache and failed dreams, well, this should cheer you up:

You’re not John Ziegler.

That’s like winning the fucking lottery.