Ah, the indomitable human urge to display our failings to all and sundry. When all that’s left of the human race is rubble, we shall be known by these messages left behind in the ether.

I need a drink.

This is where some of my employees spend their time when they should be working.

Writing them or reading them?

“Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that. “ — okay, tbogg, you just managed to convince me that there are some redeeming features to Twitter of which I had until now been blissfully unaware.

Read thru the first five pages of that awesome site and had to stop b/c of the tears running down my cheeks. Damn, that’s some excellent slice-of-life there. Of course, for an old married fart like me it’s all so painfully illustrative of just how b-o-r-i-n-g my life is compared to the average college kid’s. — Honestly, I like it that way. I figure I’ll get a good night’s sleep, then live vicariously when my kids go off to college in a few years. Ho hum.

High-fucking-larious. Like thingwarbler said, a great place to exercise your tear ducts.

Another excellent site for similar is http://www.spamusement.com — single-panel comix based on actual spam message headers. I laughed, I cried, etc.

There are many redeeming features to Twitter. The trick is finding the right one.

“I tell people I met my wife at a methadone clinic because it’s easier than trying to explain the internet.”

(702): Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.

I’ve been saying this for years, but have gotten no traction.

Just great! Another place to waste my life away at.

Best FML so far:

Today, I woke up happier than I’ve ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on facebook was FML. FML

It’s not an FML, but it goes a little like this…

How many nickels could Nickelsuck suck if Nickelsuck could suck nickels?

[Here’s a hint…if they can suck nickels (and they can): they can suck infinity nickels.]

Down here in OZ, they haven’t learned that apparenthere has to be someone left for me out theeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeee!1!!11!!!!11!

Bwa. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Good luck getting THAT out of your heads…

This one cracked me up…

“Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, “Oh don’t your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?” Without thinking how it sounded, I said, “Oh no, it’s not a problem. I’m on my knees all the time.” He’s yet to stop hitting on me. FML”

And this one:

“Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML”

I sincerely believe all those texts are real, just like all those incredibly legitimate-sounding letters to Penthouse.