As long as opposite marriage has defenders like Sam, ”homosexual marriage” will eventually win.

Big day for the oleaginous. Shit on him, too. Moron pus wad.

Wrong picture! He actually looks far worse. You need the jewishworldreview.com pic.

Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult

Mmmmmmmm. NOT. Speaking as an actual cultural anthropologist, as opposed to a butt ignorant misogynist asshat, that is about as far from the truth as possible. Marriage is found in all societies, yet many of the world’s cultures do not require female chastity outside of marriage. Women of the Southeastern US Indians that I work with have traditionally had full sexual freedom outside of marriage. Among the Trobriand Islanders, women even had full sexual freedom in marriage (they traditionally had no notion of adultery). I do wish rightard asshats would confine themselves to commenting on those things about which they have some actual knowledge (wanking, nose picking, and ass scratching complete the list I believe).

Hell, Sam is enough to make me want to gay marry and I’m straight.

God damn it TBogg, that’s still the wrong guy. Fix the picture NOW.

I tested this theory using my own scientific process by reading it out loud to Mrs. Hatmandu over lunch. She spit into my Cobb salad. Theory fail.

I’m sorry, any one who trots out an argument using the term “licit” with regards to sex — any kind of sex — clearly hasn’t gotten any in a really long time, or what he “got” was so pathetic that he could’ve mistaken it for a pulled ligament.

Sam: “But, honey, sexual intercourse between a married couple is licit!”

Mrs. Schulman (any one of them): “I don’t care if it’s kosher *and* good for your skin; you’re still not getting any, you schmuck!”

If you ask me, he’s never had sex at all. How the hell would he even know? A woman could just run in a circle around him for fifteen seconds, singing “hey nonny nonny”, and he’d think he was the biggest stud in Schenectady.

Hey! i’m over at emptywheel’s reading intellectual stuff and i can’t concentrate because of this rolling marquis pointing out to me that my vah-vah is not warm and safe! Geez!

Indeed, among some pre-Christian groups in eastern Europe, a commentator was shocked and disgusted to to discover that not only did men not care if their brides weren’t virgins, but were put off if they were, since there must be something wrong with the woman if no man wanted her before. Maybe this was a distant Shulman ancestor.

My short answer to all his arguments: So? Gay men are not attracted to women. What the fuck are they supposed to do?

Loved the header…’I will keep your vagina safe and warm.’ I would only add the words ‘and moist.’ Who are these people and where do they come from? Why do they think what few others think?

Sex is great, though personally I think that marriage kills it after a while (unless you’re really lucky). Procreation, if that’s the wingnut goal, would be better served by letting us all screw on the front lawn on a softly humid summer evening…to hell with the neighbors and the morals police.

Shit, I’m getting myself excited. Need to stop…

I will keep your vagina safe and warm

Best be talkin about Mrs.TBogg there buddy.

Oh, and what Dr. Dick said.

Sorry, but Sam the Sham’s argument against same-sex marriage is merely pathetically predictable. (Or is that predictably pathetic?) The fact that he’s a serial “licit” vagina abuser is also pathetically predictable and/or predictably pathetic.

The most ingenious argument I’ve seen recently comes from the always irrepressible Michael Steel: same-sex marriage will cost society money. Weeping crocodile tears over the poor small business owners (also predicable, when convenient ), he asks, what will become of them if they suddenly have to provide the same health care benefits to their zillions and zillions of gay and lesbian employees’ spouses and kids as they do to their straight employees’ spouses and kids? Not to mention survivors’ pensions benefits (assuming that they have any), etc., etc. Why, America would collapse! The sun would explode!! Within minutes!!!

Following this logic, of course, Corporate America should only employ unmarried, straight eunuchs. I could have said, “sworn celibates,” but we’ve all seen how well that one works out.

I’d ask Sam the Sham or Mr. Hip-Hop if they realize how many ways LBGT Americans subsidize them by paying for benefits they don’t receive in equal measure, but that would be a silly question.

the most awesome part

There are no questions of ritual pollution… Do Irish women avoid Italian women? A same-sex marriage fails utterly to create forbidden relationships.

Irish/italian miscegenation is a forbidden act of ritual pollution? I can’t wait to tell my parents.

“Sexual intercourse between a married couple is licit”

Betcha can’t say it 3 times fast!

illicit clit licks
illicit clit licks
illicit clit licks

I’m thinking that Sam’s sexual access to a woman is of the paid variety.

Oh yeah, because marriage in 2009 is about keeping women safe and controlled. I’m guessing since he’s been married 3 times Sam’s had a hard time controlling his women folk. Guess what guys? If you want to control my vagina – hands off! On the other hand, if you want to pleasure it….

Not even that, I would say.

Few men would ever bother to enter into a romantic heterosexual marriage–much less three, as I have done–were it not for the iron grip of necessity that falls upon us when we are unwise enough to fall in love with a woman other than our mom.

So this pompous fuckhead, who apparently vowed life-long fidelity three separate times (so far) and then moved on to the next wife–this asshole presumes to lecture anyone on what is and isn’t “licit?” Maybe he and Rush and Newt can start the Serial Marriage Family Values Do-As-I-Say-Not-As-I-Do Hypocrites Society.

This is as genuine as W.C. Fields old routine, “The Temperance Lecture”– “Now, don’t say you can’t give up spirituous liquors–I’ve done it dozens of times.”

And don’t get me started on that creepy “falling in love with mom” bit.

De-licitous.

Ol’ Sam is just rehashing his November 2003 piece in Commentary on the same theme. And he’s arguing not just against gay marriage but against all “romantic” marriage – that is, marriage as it is generally understood in the modern West by everyone except celibate priests and orthodox rabbis. Good luck with that.

Shorter multiple choice Sam Schulman:
Women and Gays are second class citizens. Let’s keep it that way because:
a) I’m a lousy lay
b) My penis is embarrassed to be seen with me
c) Strong self-assured women anger/make me uncomfortable
d) I’m a momma’s boy
e) I’m f’ugly and inadequate and men and women laugh at me
f) Nice guys finish last but I’m not a nice guy so what’s wrong?
g) All of the above

Sam’s argument that marriage is about “vaginal security” inspires almost the same feeling of well-being as JP Morgan-Chase’s ads about keeping my money safe.*

*I tried to get the sign painter to print “go home” under the new CHASE logo on the door of the old WaMu. Unfortunately, with $32 billion of my future earnings and yours at their disposal, Chase could afford to pay him more than I could.

a butt ignorant misogynist asshat,

I’m making a list of insults and putting two stars next to that one!!

Sitting around the house all day and masturbating to Straw Dogs is no way to go through life, Sam.

My guess is that it’s the bear trap scene that leads to Sam’s money shot.

Licit
Licit
Licit… damn, the manly Mr. Biscuitbarrel won’t be home until 7:30 pm, or in bed until at least two hours later…

Licit
Licit
Licit