Jonah gets an email from a "DC based television writer" who starts his email off like a Penthouse Forum masturbater writer ( "I’m a freshman at a small midwestern univerity and I never thought this would happen to me…") and complains that Peter Mark Roget is a fascist word-Nazi or something :
I was looking for a good synonym for the word "advanced." (I am writing about dinosaurs.) I went to one of my usual sources, Thesaurus.com – - the on-line version of the esteemed Roget’s Thesaurus.
So just what words are listed as synonyms for "advanced?" – - how about "liberal" or "progressive."
Main Entry: advanced
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: ahead in position, time, manner
Synonyms: avant-garde, breakthrough, excellent, exceptional, extreme, first, foremost, forward, higher, late, leading, liberal, precocious, progressive, radical, state-of-the-art*, unconventional, cutting-edge, leading-edgeThen, just for fun, I clicked on the word "liberal" – - and got such hits as "enlightened," "humanitarian," "intelligent," "rational," "unbiased," unprejudiced" and "unbigoted" – - as for antonyms try "conservative" and "narrow-minded."
[...]
I am a great fan of your columns – - and maybe somewhere in the creeping leftism of something as supposedly benign as a thesaurus will give you some fodder for some future writings…
Jonah responds:
While annoying, none of this surprises me. I can’t tell you how many people have told me that my book is idiotic on its face because the dictionary says so.
Oddly enough, even the free-market Financial Times thought Jonah’s book was, well, let them explain:
Ever since the “Reagan revolution”, conservative intellectuals have dominated the battle of ideas in American politics. But the success of Jonah Goldberg’s silly book, Liberal Fascism, suggests that American conservatism may now be in some intellectual trouble. The book has done well in the United States. It reached number three on The New York Times bestseller list. Yet it is dedicated to an absurd proposition – that American liberals are the direct ideological heirs of Mussolini, Hitler and Franco. This is the kind of ya-boo politics that has deformed American talk radio for years. But it is depressing that you can get a bestseller out of such nonsense.
Goldberg is not a stupid man. A pundit and commentator, he writes fluently and occasionally amusingly – and he has read lots of books about fascism. The opening pages of his own work are a quasi-learned dissection of the central tenets of fascism. But the purpose of the book is not to understand fascism. It is to discredit American liberals. Goldberg piles example upon example, to draw harebrained comparisons between American liberals and fascists. Liberals buy organic food. But did you know that “Dachau hosted the world’s largest alternative and organic medicine research lab and produced its own organic honey”? Well, I never.
Over the course of almost 500 pages, Liberal Fascism pursues a tedious argument of insidious intent to lead us to an overwhelmingly stupid question: “Was Bill Clinton a fascist president?” Surprisingly, the answer to this question is No. Clinton, it seems, wasn’t even good enough to deserve the label fascist: “To say that he was a fascist himself is to credit him with more ideology and principle than justified.”
[...]
At the end of his book, Goldberg encapsulates his anger at the unfairness of American liberals by recalling with approval an exchange between Gore Vidal, the leftwing novelist, and the late William F. Buckley, who founded the conservative National Review (a publication that now boasts Goldberg as a contributing editor): “In 1968, in a televised debate, Gore Vidal continually goaded William F. Buckley, eventually calling him a ‘crypto-Nazi’. Vidal himself is an open homosexual, a pagan, a statist and a conspiracy theorist. Buckley, a patriotic, free-market, anti-totalitarian gentleman of impeccably good manners, could take it no more and responded: ‘Now listen, you queer, stop calling me a crypto-Nazi or I’ll sock you in the Goddam face and you’ll stay plastered.’”
Buckley himself swiftly regretted his outburst. Goldberg has taken it as the inspiration to write an entire book.
If Goldberg’s book were the best that American conservatism had to offer, the outlook for the American right would be extremely gloomy.
Jonah’s book isn’t "idiotic on its face".
It’s idiotic to the bone.




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For a synonym for advanced that relates to conservative thought (is that an oxymoran?), it might be best to look at the medical lexicon, as in an advanced case of anal warts.
In automotive terms the opposite of advanced for timing of an engine is retarded.
Why are conservationists and conservatives in opposite corners on environmental issues?
Goldberg is not a stupid man.
I call bullshit.
According to Jonah’s dad, the dictionary is every bit as repressive and totalitarian as Roget’s. The insidiousness of the vast Liberal Media octopus is truly, er, insidious.
“Grizzly bears eat salmon. I eat salmon. Therefore I am a grizzly bear.”
That is the logical construct of the entire book. When confronted with the argument that the logical is easily proved invalid by pointing out that by definition a human being cannot be a grizzly bear, his counter argument is that the definition must be wrong, and therefore the dictionary that provided it must be biased.
In a way its an unintentionally brilliant strategy. He just backs up one logical fallacy with another. If you attempt to prove the second one wrong, he’ll use a 3rd logical fallacy. This never ends. And since people are stuck arguing about the later strings, he takes this as proof that the original statement was never proved false.
From this day forth I’m gonna use “quasi-learned” in every comment I make.
Zing!
I’m not sure that Jonah is stupid so much as he is deeply, profoundly lazy. A narrow distinction, but noticeable.
And speaking of laziness, here are a few things that Jonah would have spotted if he’d spent two minutes punching up Merriam-Webster Online. The M-W thesaurus lists faithful, loyal and steadfast as related to “conservative”: extremist is listed as an antonym. “Liberal”, meanwhile, features indulgent, permissive and extreme among the synonyms.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that pedantry can prove a lot of things, “liberal” and “conservative” have non-political meanings, and Jonah needs to stop publishing all his emails before he winds up posting another fake one.
I think Jonah’s point is basically this: Liberals, as they claim to know what’s best for us, are taking away our freedom to, say, ride a motorcycle without a helmet, eat uninspected meat, sell our kidneys, beat our slutty daughters, smoke in restaurants, purchase untested medicines, call our neighbors fags, own slaves, bet on dogfights, and die of botulism. They’re stealing our freedom and our individuality, and therefore they are fascists, who will use the power of the state to compel us to behave how they think is best.
Your mom, of course, is not a fascist because she has set you a curfew. But it seems that way when you’re sixteen. The police are not fascists when they enforce the speed limit, but it seems that way if you’re convinced you’re a safe driver at ninety MPH. The government is not fascist because elected representatives want to use tax dollars for the good of the community, but if you don’t use parks and have less money to buy beer then it probably feels that way.
The philosophy on display here is “It’s a free country!” It’s an immature philosophy (and not particularly accurate), but not quite as immature as “I know you are but what am I?”, which tends to be the easiest read of Jonah’s book.
IOW: He’s slightly smarter than most people are giving him credit for, but not so much that you’re any more likely to pick him out of the sperm donor catalogue.
It’s possible that Jonah is a brilliant deconstructionist and I’m just missing it. It’s also true that the received English language reflects the patriarchy that owns it. OTOH, within my limited sense of epistemology, you really can’t make words mean something so far out of the range of understood usage and still communicate with people trying to use existing language. Even Shakespeare didn’t do that, and he perhaps wasn’t trying to.
Accordingly, i still think Jonah and his ilk are goddam fucking anus lapping shitwad servitors of a KKKulture that doesn’t exist yet and which I hope never does. Motherfucking turdbite, sadistic, unevolved, nasty, privileged, running dog corporatist scrote stroking retarded fucking fucks that they are. Douche nozzle fucktards.
To a very small extent, Doughbob Loadpants and his fellow travelers earn a smidgen of pity from me. It must be terrible to go through life examining EVERYTHING in the context of politics. Is this movie liberal or conservative? Is this beer liberal or conservative? Do the order in which the definitions appear in the dictionary indicate a liberal bias? To prove my conservative cred, do I pull my right sock on first? Or would leaving the left for last imply that I consider left to be best?
How horrible to twist and confine your own thought process that way!
Well-articulated. Somewhere down the line they eventually corral the debate to a place where there’s no escape, and even though that point is 15 times displaced from the original point, they say “HAH! See? You ARE a salmon! Therefore you eat bears.”
He and the rest of the right wing noise machine have truly found freedom in that they have “slipped the surly bonds” of language and reason. Once your realize that definitions and facts are whatever you want to make them, you are free. The Texas Longhorns recently won the NCAA baseball college championship, once you learn to call them the LSU Tigers. I could go on and on with examples of how this works.
P.S.,
It should be obvious that their revolt against tyranny of word definitions, common understanding, empirical evidence, and the prinicples of logic makes them very liberal, perhaps even radical. And as they stretch forward in a circular manner, to bite their own tails, they are progressive.
Normally I’d agree, but Jonah lost any sympathy I might have had when he repeatedly argued that liberal fascists politicize everything.
Out of their own mouths . . .
Absolutely priceless
“I am become Jonah, debaser of words”
From thesaurus.com:
Main Entry: harebrained
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: stupid, unthinking
Synonyms: absurd, asinine, barmy, bizarre, careless, changeable, crazy, dizzy*, empty-headed*, featherbrained*, flighty, foolish, frivolous, giddy, half-baked*, heedless, inane, irresponsible, loony*, mindless, preposterous, rash, reckless, scatterbrained*, unstable, unsteady, wacky*, wild, rattlebrained
“Barmy” that’s new to me!
“…goddam fucking anus lapping shitwad servitors…”
JDM3, THAT is brilliant!
Every time I hear someone putting Jonah’s book down I feel more compelled to read it. It sounds deliciously awful; the “Plan 9 From Outer Space” of political hackery.
The only thing saving me is there is absolutely no way I am going to pay for a copy.
Maybe Jonah and his emailer would feel better about themselves if they checked out the etymology of “sinister” or “gauche”.
“This is the kind of ya-boo politics that has deformed American talk radio for years. But it is depressing that you can get a bestseller out of such nonsense.”
The Financial Times has obviously never been in any American bookstore chain, with its racks of Coulter, Hannity, Savage, O’Reilly pulp fiction.
I wonder how hard would it be to get Jonah to post a fake email.
If I wasn’t at work, I’d look up the word “masturbation” and see if Jonahs name came up.
I don’t know anyone who has bought a copy of Liberal Fascism. I’m serious–who would have that on their bookshelf? And if we check Amazon, the two top-selling books are by Glenn Beck and Mark Steyn–the former is crazy, the latter a grade-A asshole (which is an insult to grade-A assholes but I digress).
I’m serious here–does anyone in these parts know anyone who actually bought and paid for a copy of “Liberal Fascism?”
Well, there is an awful lot of facial pudge to go through in order to get to the bone.
My God, your first paragraph was really scary – has JDM3 been replaced by a pod-person? Second para restored nature’s balance – well done.
Debasement of language seems to be a primary characteristic of the far right. Occasionally they have a brilliant framing thought, like Pro-life vs. Abortionism, but usually it’s non-sequiturs like Liberal Fascism. We can’t have a rational discussion with them because we are speaking different languages. Some might say their debased English accurately mirrors their thought processes, but the point remains. You can’t have a debate when the other side buys its dictionaries on Pluto.
We should have seen the coming reign of oxymoronia in 2000 when George W. ran on a platform of compassionate conservatism. People lapped up that shit sandwich too.
-G
Swear to the hebbins that I’m not stalking you, but this reply was perfect. The first paragraph was wonderfully-crafted, and the second was searing.
As for Goldberg, I saw him on Jon Stewart’s show, and he (Goldberg) is stupid AND intellectually lazy. Not a good combination.
Doughbob has found his equivalent of Friedman’s taxi driver. Both are made up.
Jonah:
Someone needs to email Jonah a nice rant about the corruption of modern dictionaries, that started right around when they removed the word “gullible”.
Calvin Trillin is right. You can learn a fuck of a lot from reading the NYT wedding announcements:
http://www.nytimes.com/2001/08…..dberg.html
That woman is not merely six years older than Fatso: she also played basketball against La Palin.
Even more sobering (and saddening), they have a daughter.
I haven’t been this rattled since Grendel’s mom made her appearance at the mead hall.
When a fascist liberal waves the flag, it’s the green red, black white and orange blue, or “Young Old Glory Infamy.”
Let’s assume that’s he’s stupid too, in the absence of evidence to the contrary.
Sadly, I am almost certain that nutjob who shot up the Unitarian church in…Tennessee(?) had a copy of Liberal Fascism on his shelves. Along with other terrible dreck…
She is, wisely, “…keeping her name.”
Here I thought this post was going to introduce us to that newly discovered dinosaur, the “Thesaurus.”
That was brilliant.
Why must you torment me so with the couplings of the most disgusting rightwing creatures? I find the fact that he has a daughter profoundly sad.