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This post is Palin-free.
Oh…. Well… fuck.
Anyway, as you may remember from back in the days when Michael Jackson still roamed the earth, the guys at RedState decided to plan a get-together in Atlanta in August because it’s close by to where Erick Erickson lives August in Atlanta is so awesome. With a fistful of non-refundable $15 deposits in hand, a conference room was booked, double-occupancy hotel rooms were reserved (hilarious hijinks and misunderstandings galore to follow), and guest speakers were lined up, although we expect that the speakers roster will probably contain 100% less Sanford than originally planned.
To keep the anticipation at a fevered pitch (will there be celebrities? an all-u-can-eat-bacon-bar? one of those inflatable jumpy-things?) SuperSmart Grand Commandante Extreme XXL Erick Erickson has been teasing out bits and pieces of information just like an M. Night Shyamalan movie that you know is just going to suck at the end but you shell out $12 again because you’re just kind of stupid that way.
Sunday, Erick writes:
Let’s begin revealing the RedState agenda.
For the next 12 days we’ll roll out the agenda, revealing a bit more each day.
July 31st – August 1st
Grand Hyatt Atlanta in BuckheadJuly 31st*
—————-6:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.: Cocktail Reception.
7:00 p.m.: Special Presentation of John Ziegler’s Media Malpractice with popcorn, of course.
Join Erick and the RedState contributors at the hotel bar after the movie.
August 1st*
—————-9:00 – 9:10: Welcome by Erick Erickson
9:10 – 9:35: Congressman Tom Price (R-GA), Chairman of the Republican Study Committee
9:45 – 10:45 Right Online
*times and listing are subject to change.
More of the agenda tomorrow.
…and so we had to wait a whole twenty-five hours for:
9:00 – 9:10: Welcome by Erick Erickson
9:10 – 9:35: Congressman Tom Price (R-GA), Chairman of the Republican Study Committee
9:45 – 10:45 Right Online
10:45 – 11:15 Hon. Karen Handel, Georgia’s Secretary of State
Mmmmmm. Smell the excitement.
Or maybe that’s the all-u-can-eat-bacon-bar. It’s kind of hard to tell…
(Update): Here’s today’s (7/7) big announcement:
9:10 – 9:35: Congressman Tom Price (R-GA), Chairman of the Republican Study Committee
9:45 – 10:45 Right Online
10:45 – 11:15 Hon. Karen Handel, Georgia’s Secretary of State
11:15 – 11:30 BREAK
Because after 30 minutes of Karen Handel, that 15 minute break will come in handy.
(Fill-in your own joke here)
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Redstaters in the Grand Hyatt Buckhead?
You don’t even need to turn it into a joke. It’s just right there on the vine.
Un. Fucking. Believable. Also.
Isn’t that Bert Lahr in an early production of Waiting for Godot?
I hear Palin’s available.
Oh wait. Traveling to these things is just for lameduck governors.
I betcha Erick’s going to spend hours prepping those ten minute openings. I hope he doesn’t attempt comedy.
To be fair, they need all that time the second day to fumigate and mop up the flop sweat. Not an easy task with that crowd.
10:30 – 10:35 Solo hiking the Appalachian Trail.
When is the teabagging session, or is that confined to the hilarious hijinks in those double-occupancy hotel rooms?
This is sorta like watching an enormous train wreck in super-super-slow motion.
Where the collision is between a circus train (heavy on the clowns and elephants) and the other is a moving asylum of the criminally insane.
No, let me take that back. It’s exactly like watching the above-described train wreck. Also, wolverines!
***SCHEDULE UPDATE***
11:45 John Ziegler will now present the “Discussion of Dating and Marriage” previously booked for Gov. Sanford. Ladies, don’t forget your golf clubs and diaphragms!
- thanks, Erick
***Schedule Update****
After the bar all participants are encouraged to head back to their rooms for a furious (albeit unfulfilling) jack to the Hyatt’s delightful list of softcore pornography. Remember Redstaters, if you push the purchase button, you have to pay!
***Schedule Update***
Don Surber will lead a session entitled “Challenging the Left Intellectually-Five Strong Conservative Women.” Don will be speaking about how getting fired or quitting are excellent career moves.
Lingerie show to immediately follow.
I know that strip in Buckhead quite well. The Grand Hyatt is just a short walk from one of the all-time great restaurant experiences to be had in our land, Dante’s Down the Hatch. http://www.dantesdownthehatch.com/. Yes, it’s a pirate-themed fondue restaurant with live jazz. You heard that right. There are live crocodiles and crabs floating around in a lake in the middle of the restaurant which also contains a ship wherein performs the jazz club and the special tables where you pay a cover to sit.
Oh there’s also life sized puppets of Mark Twain and Albert Einstein.
And a big Israeli flag on the wall.
It’s fuckin’ awesome. Can’t wait till they hit the bar.
Lesley, I’m pretty sure Erick the Red State can’t avoid being comical. Oh, you mean telling jokes, and the like. Never mind.
What I wanna know is when are they going to hand out the super-secret decoder rings? You know: the ones that can translate Palinese into something intelligible.
11:20 – 12:00 Juan Alvarez from the Argentinian Consulate offers “a newcomers guide to barhopping in Buenos Aires.” Free Berlitz handouts (aka “the Sanford Cliff Notes”) with handy Spanish pickup lines.
I assume that more of the agenda tomorrow means he is making this up as he goes along.
Wait what’s that coming over the wire?
***Schedule Update***
2:00-3:00
Family Values Seminar. Guest speaker Rudy Giuliani.
Thank you so much for that link – I laughed as much as a good TBogg post. Crocs and Fondue – mmmmm
UPDATE:
Please join us as very special guest, and true American(TM) Patriot Paul Wolfowitz (kinda funny sounding name though) gives a demonstration on “How to Tie Your Shoes.”
And we’re pleased to announce the addition of Jeff Gannon/Guckert, who will lead a panel discussion on “Deep Throating the White House: Getting to the Bottom in Today’s Information Age.” (special breakout session in Jeff’s hotel room later that evening…invitation only).
Here’s tomorrow’s (7/8) announcement:
11:30-3:00 LUNCH
I think the kids today would type:
FTW!!
It’s awfully amusing that Eric believes he’s somehow building up excitement by making people wait 24 hours to be informed of a … break.
Dear lord these people are clinically fucking stupid.
I’ll be attending a convention in Atlanta a little over a month after “Tragic the Gathering” which has, I believe, 2 major differences with Eric’s great “Red Dawn” fan club meetup. First, unlike Eric’s convention (which is of course SEERIUS POLITICKL BIZNESS), the convention I will be attending is all about silly Japanese cartoons. Second, the projected attendance at my Japanime convention will probably dwarf Eric’s by at least 2 orders of magnitude.
Just sayin’.
I must say that I love, love, love the fact that the Google adbot (or whatever the hell it is) has hit upon the mention of Karen Handel in your post, and now there is a “Donate to Karen Handel” ad playing on Tbogg’s site in the upper right corner. It’s perfect; her campaign is now paying for an ad on a site that is ripping the Red State soiree a new one, at which she will be a featured speaker. There’s all kinds of awesome in that.
Oh yeah, working HARD for columns like this, what with their writing themselves and stuff…
So, Karen Handel has a GED, and Erick son of Erick is calling it a dirty trick by her opponents to point that out? That is fucking awesome.
Maybe Handel should emulate Sarahcuda and announce that if she’s elected, she will not serve out her term.
I would go just for Bill Krystol’s seminar:
2-3PM Through a glass, darkly: How to eke a living predicting the future to rubes
No, that’s just some of Erick’s n-dimensional chess! The frustration just heightens the anticipation and eventual climax. But Erick has to orchestrate this carefully and avoid peaking too early in the day (he’s cribbing off Creed concert songlists)….oops:
11:30 – 11:35 Biting your seatmate’s tie
Wow! Several presentations by two politicians nobody’s ever heard of! Where do I sign up?
I thought the RedStaters will be bringing the crabs (scratch! Scratch!) I know, that’s gross – but what the hell!
schedule update 7/7
11:15 – 11:30 BREAK
11:30 – 03:00 LUNCH
03:00 – 09:00 CONSERVATIVE STRATEGY MEETING AT HOOTERS
09:00 – 10:00 DEVOTIONAL TIME (AKA PRAYING TO THE PORCELAN GOD)
10:00 NAP TIME
It’ll be just like Netroots Nation, except without the people. I certainly hope someone’s there to take pictures for posterity.
Perhaps we finally learn the meaning of, “what is the sound of one hand clapping?” or, more to the koanic point, “does Erick Erickson speak if there is no one there to listen?”
******Update*****
11:00 p.m. – 4:00 a.m. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE STANCE PISSING!
Aha!
That is Bert Lahr in Godot.
His later life was troubled, although he made the transition to straight theatre. He costarred in a much-praised version of Waiting for Godot in 1956 at the Coconut Grove Playhouse in Miami, Florida in which he played Estragon to Tom Ewell’s Vladimir. Lahr thought of himself as the top banana in the production, telling Ewell “not to crowd him.” When Beckett learned of this, he complained that the play was being taken away from his major character, Vladimir. Lahr later played Estragon in the play’s short-lived Broadway run.
When I was in Atlanta 13 years ago, the Buckhead section was very upscale, gentrified, and quite gay. Here’s praying every gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender organization crashes Erik’s party. We’ll be reading about the RS-ers’ resulting trauma for months, after they discover that the “manly men,” African-Americans, and sexy blonde chicks are all, well, you-know….
IIRC, Sanford was a “tentative” from the git, and jeez, as the schedule now stands, you could knock out all these “major events” on Saturday morning and everybody’d be able to get home in time for lunch.
‘Course you’d miss the chance to buy Dork Dorkson a drink, which I guess is what his purpose is in all this.
Yes, it’s a pirate-themed fondue restaurant with live jazz.
What, another one? Man, I am so sick of pirate-themed fondue joints.
This looks an awful lot like last year’s epic PUMA convention at the Washington-Dulles Country Suites Hotel:
http://www.rumproast.com/index…..out_c_o_n/
*** SCHEDULE UPDATE ***
Unfortunately, the August 1st evening Pissup In A Brewery has fallen through.
Of course for those early risers, there’s always the “Sunday Silicone on the Greens” golf match with the local Cougars; with Cheetos, beer and WiFi afterward in the clubhouse.
Oh wow. Those pics at the link are hysterical. “Say Whopper with CHEESE!” Can’t…stop…laughing…
When I was in Atlanta 13 years ago, the Buckhead section was very upscale, gentrified, and quite gay.
Nothing’s changed except there are more hotels.
I personally can’t wait until they grab cabs (no MARTA for these people)and venture into Midtown, where Erik bin Erik should have had the “corn-vention” anyway.
A shame, because there’s one right across the street next to the Rooms-to-Go. Maybe it’s a good thing because they’ll get the two confused.
“Rock Bottom”=choice of speakers. Also.
Woohoo, popcorn! There’s also a special secret event open only to “selected attendees” (men only, which is to say probably just about everyone” that goes by something like “Stag Nite at the Clermont Lounge.” Be sure to save some of that melted popcorn butter for afterwards!
Jazz? The site was playing “Alone Again (Naturally).” The description of the music emphasizes “soothing.” If this is representative, Kenny G would be a step up. Play this music in elevators, and they’d only go down.
Midnight viewing of ‘Red Dawn; The Director’s Cut’, half-price popcorn if you bring an automatic.