Thanks for making me howl with laughter this morning, and for improving my temper after considering health insurance with Attaturk and the big kids. “Princess Jesus Boobies…” [snort]

Darn! I thought “Sunday Morning” was the Spanky and Our Gang song. Oh, well, now I want they should sing “Perfect Day.”

So, I was having one of those mornings where I felt more tired when I woke up than when I went to bed last night, and while walking the dog she decided to do her business in the tall grass, which meant I only found it when I halfway stepped on it, and Mother Nature was being all snide by flashing cute little rainbows on the clouds just to highlight the fact that it was still raining, and we were out of coffee, too.

One of those mornings.

So “porn for the blind” came in really handy — not because it gave me a hard-on (it didn’t, really) but because it boosted my spirits and had me laughing out loud with tears in my eyes. Whenever I do that, Mrs. Thing always gives me that “you’re reading fucked-up blogs again, aren’t you?” look, and as I try to explain to her what this is, she just shakes her head and hits the shower… Ah, well. Thank you, tbogg. There’s hope for Wednesday after all.

(monotone reading voice) “…and then this chunky Reese Witherspoon type…um actually more like bloated Tina Yothers, is, um, saying, ‘I’m on the pill!’ The young man…. is…is he?…yes, he’s crying…and star wipe and fade to black.”

Dude, he’s just quoting the Simpsons.

Saying something he almost certainly believes is the literal truth, but still, HE IS JUST QUOTING THE SIMPSONS.

“Jimmy Carter is “history’s greatest monster”"

Do you remember, those of an older generation, when Jimmy Carter was President? A governor of Georgia, Lester Maddox (look him up and check specifically for pick handles), accused him of being a liar. Carter’s press secretary, Jody Powell, said that being called a liar by Lester Maddox was like being called ugly by a frog. Now, apply that logic to Erick (and where did that final “k” come from? Is someone missing a “k”? Is a group going around calling themselves the “KK”?).

Bwahahahahahahaha! Princess Jesus Boobies! Pr0n for the blind. I am cackling in glee here. Thank you, TBoggs, for a great start to my day.

What’s that song that goes, o/~ My baby’s feelin’ funny in the morning…. o/~

Jimmy Carter, although he had his problems as a president, still did a hell of a better job than the affable criminal who followed him.

First of all, congrats to the Lovely & Talented Casey!

Secondly, I’m reminded of how the Republican’s Patron Saint of all That is Good and Holy in the Entire Universe, Ronald Reagan, used “Born in the USA” during his Presidential campaign. Ronny even called him “Bruce Springstein.”

How is it that a party that campaigns using songs lamenting fucking over Vietnam vets, running blind, and little pink houses with interstates running through their yards, still exists?

And Jimmy Carter? Best ex-President evah!

“Baby’s feelin’ funny in the morning
She says she’s got a lot on her mind
Nature didn’t give her any warnin’
She’ll have to leave her wild ways behind…”

Though Jackson eventually made an honest woman of his girlfriend, Phyllis Major Browne ended up killing herself before their son Ethan turned three. A really sad story. On a more sadistic note, my favorite line line from “Redneck Friend,” as applies to $P:

“The damage’ll do you good!”

“Ready Or Not,” I think. It’s also the one where “she’s havin’ trouble gettin’ into her jeans.”

I have a bootleg of Jackson and David Lindley performing in Bryn Mawr in 1972. The best song on it is:

You Asshole You (Doug Haywood)

Well it came to me as you came,
You don’t even know my name.
You’d just as soon be fucking a doorknob,
You asshole you.

You’ll fuck anything that moves,
And I’ll tell you what that proves:
You just want meat, you don’t want me,
You asshole you.

Well you wish that I was stronger,
and could last a little longer.
I get so mad that I could spit.
I don’t need that kind of shit.

Well you toyed with my affection,
And you laughed at my erection,
And its lack of circumsection,
You asshole you

Man, what a great campaign song!

Surprisingly the campaign elected to not use Browne’s Redneck Friend to introduce Sarah Palin

That song started to make a lot more sense to me when it was explained to me that the title actually refers to a certain portion (presumably circumcised) of Mr. Browne’s anatomy.

Which might have made it a more appropriate song to introduce Bristol Palin.

Oh, and why is Matthew Sweet taking grooming tips from the Poor Man’s title bar?

Damn it, I just assumed that Princess Jesus Boobies was Sarah Palin until I watched Countdown from last night! Now, it’s even funnier.

oh my weird, last night dreamt I watched U2 perform Go All The Way

And now, at this late date (51+) I finally get why folks with better taste/much bigger playlists than mine like Browne…it had to be for more than Runnin’ on Empty and the live version of The Load-Out/Stay. DAMN you, Top 40 radio!

I thought porn for the blind was “Henry and Jenna Make a Porno” and “I am Curious: Megan” and “The Devil In Barbara Bush.”

I thought porn for the blind was “Henry and Jenna Make a Porno” and “I am Curious: Megan” and “The Devil In Barbara Bush.”

Those are more like “porn that makes you blind.”

Princess Jesus Boobies has landed a book contract with, surprise!, Regnery.

The unimaginable tragedy of “writing” a book and then being unable to read it.

“Then the unpleasant looking porky one with the lank, greasy blonde hair licks her lips with a sneer…” Hey, ur right, can’t see a fucking thing…

Man, that was the best line, DennisSGMM. Perfect combination of mock concern and faux pity.

“The Devil In Barbara Bush.”

Shit — wasn’t that living in the White House for 8 years?

I don’t think any post that relates to Barbara Bush is complete without the cogent analysis of her by one Richard M. Nixon:

“That woman sure knows how to hate.”

Richard Nixon thought Babs knows how to hate?

Just WOW.

Nixon added admiringly, “She’s really VINDICTIVE!” True fact!

Do Republicans ever read the lyrics?

Well, Reagan sure fucking didn’t when he tried to claim Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” as a feel-good-about-America anthem and the Boss replied (in a Rolling Stone interview) that the Gipper obviously hadn’t been listening too closely.