I left him some advice in the NYT comments, but I don’t know if it will get through their moderator, so…

Dear Ross

“Dude, you need to get out more, you’re just weird. I’m not trying to be an ass, but seriously, just stop, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

superfly

I don’t know whether young Ross has ever actually had sex—but from the look of those teeth, he’s definitely been chowing down on something nasty. I mean, c’mon, at a $80k a year you’d think his frat brothers at Harvard would have learned to at least wipe properly.

Oh is that Ross Douthat? I thought it was Trig.

Ross is so dedicated that, at thirty, he’s already grown The Extra Chin of Conservatism. At this rate he’ll look like an elephant seal by the time he’s fifty.

That is remarkably accurate in its simplicity.

Also, funny how in that photo he’s holding a microphone and has another clipped to his shirt. Yes, it’s good to double-up when Douchehat speaks. With asinine-ishness of that caliber, you do not want to miss a word. Also, or something.

I can’t wait for his review of Shakespearean classics.

- “Romeo and Juliet is one of the most conservative of Shakespeare’s works, and the lover’s flagrant premarital passion is justly rewarded with tragic early deaths.”

- “Macbeth is one of Shaespeare’s most conservative works, and when Macduff announces that he was “from his mother’s womb untimely ripp’d”, a clear reference to abortion, the protagonist is justly rewarded with an early death.”

We all know ole Ross has sex with his Turner Diaries when no one is looking!

That’s some serious homely there. Can’t imagine he’s ever not had to pay for sex in one way or another. The boy probably couldn’t even get a pity fuck from a sex addict.

He’s no Vincent Canby. He’s more like Alessandra Stanley.

It’s a good thing Doughbutt thinks that being chaste is a virtue , it saves him the embarrassment of finding out that he couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of fiftys.

Meth maybe?

So a great conservative movie is about death and divorce, but with dick jokes? Very enlightening, Ross. This insight might the key to reigniting the whole conservative movement. More adolescent humor.

He was turned off because she was on the pill? Does he really want to get married and have kids that bad? Wait if he is staying pure more power to him the less they breed the better.

Even shorter Ross: I base my morals on Judd Apatow movies.

Another fine example of Ross pulling absolutely nothing out of his ass to back his opinion.

in defense of the douche hat, he IS funnier than adam sandler

and the fact that the douchehat doesn’t know he’s funny, and isn’t trying to be funny, is icing on the cake

adam sandler tries TOO HARD to be funny, which is just sad, pathetic, and unwatchable

adam sandler is the anti-douchehat

and judd aptow sucks too

Apatow’s probably going to be pissed that Douthat blew his cover.

Douthat: “Apatow’s movies are totally cool because they portray guys like me as being the real winners and everyone should see them because then they’ll want to totally be like the people in the movies and they’ll also appreciate the true coolness of guys like me. I mean, who can forget everyone turning themselves into giant robots after ‘Transformers’ or the way everyone started dancing the Can-can after ‘Moulin Rouge’ was such a hit? And I became obsessed with Uranus after I saw ‘Star Trek’.”

He looks like Rod Steiger at twelve in that pic. He also looks a little too comfy with that “mike” in that position. Wanker.

Oh, and many of you made me laugh out loud in this library…I think the librarians are scheming up a plan to bum rush me…

Unsurprisingly, Douthat completely misses the point of Rogen’s line and comes to the wrong conclusion concerning Apatow’s movies. The obvious conclusion is this: Right-wing morality makes great farce.

Also, this comment jumped out at me:

Ross Douthat seems to believe that values such as personal responsibility and marital fidelity are peculiar to conservatives, and the fact that so many Americans share those values means America is a conservative country. Then why do we have so many failed marriages, unwed pregnancies and abortions? Because, he says, “we’re conservative right up until the moment that it costs us.” So the ideal is conservative, but the failure to live up to it is liberal. That’s pretty self-serving.

“Reality has a well-known liberal bias” may be the most profound thing said so far this century.

Chunky Reese’s pieces irritated me, so now I slather on the Skippy.

TMI, dude

keep the slatherin comments to yourself, eh

nobody care what you do in the privacy of your own home, as long as I don’t gotta hear about it …

(wink)

TBogg, you neglected to credit Jack Kirby for that Douthat drawing.

I hate myself for clicking on my link. Time and time again, I tell myself, “Don’t do it. You will have to wash your eyes out with lye.” Time and time again, I click. Why, why, why? Am I a conservative at heart that I HAVE to do something I know goes against my moral values??????

Ugh. Chunky Reese gets more disgusting by the column–and by the picture.

I agree with asiangrrlMN, Ross is absolutely irresistible. Mmmm, yummy… {{{ licken mah lips }}}

All right! Now I understand why I’ve never made it to the end of an Apatow movie: they’re conservative! Who knew?
My liberal creds come from the heart. They kick in even when I’m not consciously aware of what’s happening. Cool.

Ross: Check into “Glamour Photos”. They can make anybody look good dude. http://www.photorestorationand…..our-photos

Why is Douche-shat writing movie critiques? Doesn’t The Grey Lady have a stable of movie critics?

OTOH, with some practice, Douche might become a better movie critic. With his apparent excellent peripheral vision skills and his man-sized brain, Douche could critique two movies at one sitting.

You’re secretly wondering what it would be like to be enveloped by his furry chins.

Because, he says, “we’re conservative right up until the moment that it costs us.” So the ideal is conservative, but the failure to live up to it is liberal. That’s pretty self-serving.

Conservatism is expecting everyone else to live up to your ideals while you do whatever the fuck you want.

Fixed version of Angry Ewok’s column:

In other words, [conservative politicians are] conservative right up until the moment that it costs us [politically because they’re revealed as hypocritical bastards, at which point they magically become liberals].

How dare you make fun of John Ensign, David Vitter, Mark Sanford! They all remain as committed as ever to having us do what they say.

I wax nostalgic for the Chunky Reese Witherspoons I’ve had the pleasure of knowing in the biblical sense.

Doubtfirehat is kicking himself in the ass for letting that one go.

I hate you now. I really, really do. You put an image in my mind that cannot be undone.

“They can make anybody look good dude. http://www.photorestorationand…..tos”

Um, yeah. In the first picture, they chop off enough of the chair that it no longer makes any sense. In the 4th pic, in their sample, it’s not even a human arm anymore.

IIRC, Ross is gonna be part of the panel on the next Real Time With Bill Maher. Given Maher’s overt fondness for bending brain cells and getting his knob polished, hilarity may ensue.

Duuchehat’s picture puts me in mind of what Leonardo DiCaprio would look like if he had to bulk up to play a fat retard,with bad teeth.