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I didn’t do a Shorter Douthat post earlier today because his column was kind of a garbled mess but, from what I could glean from it, Ross was pointing out that old people generally like Democrats but now they hate them and that Republicans should totally take advantage of this. However, by doing so, Republicans run the risk of old people starting to like them, and then Republicans will be obligated to visit them on Sundays and waste the whole afternoon looking at pictures of their grandchildren and then taking them to Coco’s for early-bird dinner when they’d much rather be playing human wheelbarrow with their whore girlfriends at their C Street fuck-pad.
So basically, Republicans need to pretend to care for old people and briefly treat them really well, but they shouldn’t get too attached to them since they’re inevitably going to vote to kill them because old people are, like, veal.
Or something.
I just haven’t figured out how Chunky Reese Witherspoon fits into the narrative.
Probably something about nipples and being milk-fed.
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gawd .. that’s a sick fuckin’ card ..
douthat’s card … right ??
On Friday Bill Maher joked his show was dominated by sexy men, naming Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher, and General Anthony Zinni. His exclusion of Il Douthatche was not missed by Ross. He looked crestfallen.
dude
You passed on Shorter Douthat? No problem. The kids over at Sadly, No went all…well, went all Sadly, No on his ass.
“Maybe Republicans will be able to cast themselves as the protectors of entitlements today, and then impose their own even more sweeping reforms tomorrow.”
Dunno, Rose. Ya think?
Nationalize Harvard and Rose. Then send Rose to Afghanistan. He can take the NYT with him. And if he is mistakenly convicted there or here after a full, fair, impartial trial, kill him anyway.
I don’t know how much he deserves credit, but Douthat did say that there were no death panels. In refreshing news, my husband had never heard of death panels until I said, “Don’t count Sarah Palin out for 2012: she can make people believe things like that”.
And the U of Virginia does not have the same problems with privilege that Harvard does?
Shudder. The fact that this man is given such an august platform really dismays me. Go back to your infantile fantasizing about Chunky Reese Witherspoons, Douthat. Less harm and more mockery will come from that.
I think I can do a shorter Douchehat:
Republicasn may gain a short-term political win by joining the anti-Grandma-killing side of the current healthcare debate, but there’s a huge downside: Grandma gets to live.
That is the best shorter Douthat I’ve read so far!
But isn’t that a contradiction in terms? (See: Swift, Jonathan.)
“Now, watch very carefully, young man. Here’s the queen of spades and two other cards. I’ll just place them face down on the table and (whisk whisk whisk) rearrange them. All you have to do is tell me which one is the queen of spades. That one? Oh, too bad. Want to try again? It’s easy, just watch the cards. . .”