“one of South Carolina’s most respected social conservatives”

Whatever. Me, I’d like to meet one of South Carolina’s least respected social conservatives. They’re people too, aren’t they? Mainly?

The Hairy Palmetto State!

Ohhhh, my. Oh my my myyyy…!

Wow, I think I know Kristin!
When I was in college in South Carolina and working for a plumber my co-worker, a double amputee named Matt, and I once visted the apartment of these really hot coeds to hose out their drains, and MAN oh Man, they were really Wild! And one of them was named Kristin Maquire!!!
See what happened was these superhot and nasty coeds greeted us at the door wearing nothing but little panties and, get this, one of them was wearing an really sexy elephant mask!
Things got really crazy when, later, I was holding Matt up by his stumps so he could snake out the elephant chick’s plumbing and…….

“Maguire believes that a former friend is leaking the information to the media in an effort to ruin her political career.” — yes, I guess that would be the very definition of “former friend”, now wouldn’t it?

Look, I don’t particularly care if that ex-friend is doing this because the devil told her so, I say: bring it on, girlfriend, bring it on! This kind of extradeluxesnarkaliciousness, is the sole reason the Good Lord invented the intertubes, is it not?

Pass the popcorn…

Wash away the bullshit from almost any evangelical social conservative and you’ll find a perv.

Tsk tsk tsk. Proper conservative women fantasize about being the junior wife in a polygamous marriage, subject to the authority of an extraordinarily strict and demanding senior wife.

Being a “social conservative” is apparently like being a “man” attending a stoning in Life of Brian.

Amen to that, brother.

And you know what? I don’t find anything wrong with sexual fantasies, even in conservatives. Problem is, they have to try to convince me how lilly pure they are, and then try to mandate that I am as well.

And they wonder why they are called hypocrites.

It’s a damn shame I’m at work. I’d like to go to that archive site to see if the prose is a step up from Douchehats “Chunky Reese Witherspoon.”

“I was working, topless, in the garden. Imagine my surprise when Kristin Maguire and Mark Sanford showed up wearing nothing but their leathers. She had him hooked up to a collar and was walking him on a leash….” Sometimes, the Penthouse letter just writes itself.

So, tell me again how teh gayz are ruining traditional marriage? How is that abstinence-only program working for you?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Until you can practice what you preach, STFU.

“Yes, baby! Give it to me! Your cum slut wants it all!”
It’s all the argument I need for journalistic footnoting.
But, hey, where’s the “MFF (threesome?)”
Nevermind … I’ve gotta have a cigarette.

Mmm-mmmm. That IS some tasty prose.

I daresay Ross could learn a thing or two from Ms. Maguire.

Wow. My dad never did anything like this for my birthday. Lucky Casey.

I was just relieved to see that, amongst all the hot monkey sex, Kristin doesn’t mention anybody wearing a condom. Cause that might be a bad influence for the children.

The “former” friend did her a huge favor. I smell HBO — better yet Skinamax — series. Political machinations coupled with live action dramatizations of her “stories.” It practically writes itself. Talk about your complex characters. I suggest Ed Norton Jr. in drag or Ms. Jesus Boobies herself.

How long till Larry Flynt offers his version?

Yes, because sex must never ever ever be without heavy-duty life-changing (if not life-ending) consequences. That’s the Christian conservative way!

Kristin Maguire may be a Christian conservative but her alter-ego, “Bridget” is clearly a conservative of the cumpassionate variety.

(Groan, I know…)

A world of secret hungers
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away
In a drawer . . . in a desk
By a naugahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

Brown Shoes Don’t Make It — Frank Zappa 1966

Since I’m home, I already took a look, and Mrs. Maguire isn’t even up to I-Don’t-Douthat level. Though as her oeuvre, “Continental Cuisine,” begins, I was relieved to learn that the anonymous Dane whom the protagonist was fellating with enthusiasm was “clean, not like most of the students in the Munich train station.”

A billion percent awesome. The online persona, the idea that she was one of the philandering hypocrite’s “closest education policy advisors for years” (you don’t say! maybe they too spent time walking the Appalachian Trail together), the alleged lap dance she gave to the staff of the Chief of Staff — the GOP is in the fatal decadence phase of their existence anyway. They’re about two years from declaring Columbia the new seat of the Republic of Salo 2, the Saloing.

“I fantasize about being the ’second’ F (female) in a MFF (threesome) where the other two are in a committed relationship,” the sultry “Bridget” writes on one post. “I would like to focus on pleasuring her and ‘enhancing’ their intercourse …”

This is much too vanilla to be a Republican sex scandal. Somebody is hiding something.

Hmmmmmm. Either I’ve been married too long or “Laurens Masturbatory Musings” seems way out of a repressed Conservatives’ league.

Prior to being elected Chairwoman, Maguire led the panel responsible for approving education standards taught in South Carolina classrooms, including what textbooks were to be used and how teachers were to be certified. She has been a strong supporter of “abstinence only” sex education, as well.
When Maguire was elected to lead the S.C. Board, her appointment was hailed as a victory for social conservatives and feted on Christian blogs and websites across the Southeast.

http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/08/31/sex-education/

With Fundy Christian Friends like this Mark Sanford’s wife must be wondering if Mark is safer at a Pagan church orgy at least there she would know just who her husband is sleeping with she would not be getting lied to anymore.
Any bets this girl has been with Mark?

She reminds me of those women in false beards stoning the adulteress in The Life of Brian. “Jehovah!”

So does this lady use birth control or just gets abortions? Its hard to believe she hasn’t gotten knocked up once. Does Mark use Birth control what is his stance on that or does he just pay for abortions. The GOPers make family values an issue so this is fair game.

For the record, she has four kids. Of course, one could wonder why she only has four, and thus what she and her husband use for protection.

Oh, if only we didn’t live in such a Puritannical country, where Jeebus tells us all to be repressed.

Cause that writing is pretty hot. Not bad.

We can all laugh until we puke – and I certainly am – but these fucking people pass laws, enact education standards, enforce social standards, and so much more which are destructive to so many of us. I say this as a queer who is hell-bent on destroying Mrs. Maguire’s marriage (and yours too, TBogg, and all the rest of heterosexual America’s marriages also, too.) We don’t shame people in the charming and effective way that our forbearers did. We should reintroduce the stocks on the common, drag this filthy piece of excrement (filthy not because she seems to love complicated sex. I am in her corner on that issue, but because I know she wants to punish me for my sexuality), lock her in the contraption and jeer and mock her and maybe hurl a bit of organic garbage at her for, I don’t know, maybe a week or two. A bit harsh you say? Public ridicule of these excremental hypocrites is nothing, really, when compared to the cruel and relentless attacks they have made on so many of us they perceive to be godless vermin. Their cruelty can kill. Mine can only result in humiliation and occasional hard to remove vegetable stains (beets are absolute hell.)

Apalachians, and diapers and stalls, oh my.

-G

“Mrs. Blackitt: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?
Harry Blackitt: Because… every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.
Mrs. Blackitt: But it’s the same with us, Harry.
Harry Blackitt: What do you mean?
Mrs. Blackitt: Well, I mean, we’ve got two children, and we’ve had sexual intercourse twice.
Harry Blackitt: That’s not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.
Mrs. Blackitt: Really?
More.

Tab all over the keyboard. Nicely done.

The crucial lack of apostrophe makes that “writer” a perfect scrawler of those teabaggers’ signs…

Apparently more of her literary oeuvre has surfaced. MOST DEFINITELY not safe for work, children, bassets, cats, or potted plants. I have a Hazmat suit if you want to borrow it…

I only looked at the first part of one of them. I’m going to have to burn my laptop now because there’s nothing so wrong as a conservative whackaloon’s sexual obedience fantasies.

Another sample via Gawker:

(Sample line: “The rhythmic sway of the train car added to the bobbing of my head as I sucked deeply.”)

Gives a whole new meaning to “Boxcar Willie.”

I heard a rumor that this obviously sex-starved kitten, Gov. FathersDay best friend, published one of her of dreams on Mother’s Day too. Wouldn’t that be ironic.

Heh. Looks like somebody else found some more of suck-ass erotic stories:

I’ve done all the “research” that I can tolerate today. I’m not gonna click that link, and nobody can force me to! However, it does appear that she’s a much more prolific “author” than the folks who tried to scrub her image realized…

Goes right along with,

The poodle bites,
The poodle chews it,
The poodle bites,
The poodle chews it …

Frank Zappa, “Dirty Love”

Gotta give the hypocritical harlot some credit though. She was able to do something every brave southern male from Jefferson Davis to David Duke wasn’t able to do.

She was apparently able to get “the south” to rise again. And again. And again. And….

(here’s her picture via some religious wingnut site)
http://sunlituplands.blogspot……wants.html

I was hoping she’d say she fantasized about being the F in an MMF threesome.

Sigh…

Come on TBogg! Have a heart! After all the normal setup of two wet suits and a dildo can be expensive for many Christian conservatives!

Combining that image with her literary oeuvre… Ouch. I haz a sore brane…

I come for the bassets and snark; I stay for the T&A… and bassets and snark.

Meg Stapleton scores Kristen’s cell after a frantic Internet search.

“Hi, Kristen. Meg, here. Have you ever thought about speech writing?”

I bet she was talking about doing the threesome with Jenny and Mark. The visual, well, I’m not sure I can even visualize it.

Any mention of teabagging?

Heh. Looks like somebody else found some more of suck-ass erotic stories:

Did you mean suck-ass as in bad, or as in literally?

I’m so inured to this sort of thing by now that it’s not even remotely novel unless it’s slashfic in which at least one of the characters is from a kid’s TV show.

And that “basset chandelier” contraption is WAY too perverse for wingnuttia!

“I fantasize about being the ’second’ F (female) in a MFF (threesome) where the other two are in a committed relationship,” the sultry “Bridget” writes on one post. “I would like to focus on pleasuring her and ‘enhancing’ their intercourse …”

She sounds like such a GIVING sort of person…. Maybe she IS second-wife-in-a-plural-marriage material!

freud called this passionate enactment of what one persecutes with zeal “reaction formation.” just one more shade of hypocrisy.

can’t help but think of major hoolihan.

If they’re on literotica.com, it’s probably both.

“Kristin Maguire has been one of the governor’s closest education policy advisors for years. She’s also Sanford’s appointment to the S.C. Board of Education, which last year elected her its Chairwoman.”

She cares about the public schools…

“Maguire, a professed Christian home-schools her four children”

…but she doesn’t like them.