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Needs little smiling suns dotting the ‘i’s. Maybe a palm tree. On fire.
It would be easy to sit here and mock former McCain spokesfail Carly Fiorina and her cutesy-poo carlyfornia dreamin’!!! website, but she did draw the line at only three (3!!!) exclamation points because she didn’t want to look too eager, preferring to appear coy so that she can be all, "Wellllll…if you really want me to run…Okay!!!!".
But we’re not going to talk about Carly tonight because I figure she’s just egomanical enough to be in it for the long haul and, hey, I’m not leaving the state anytime soon.
No, tonight we want to talk about another Republican Carlyfornia senatorial candidate, the choice of the RedState Generation, Chuck DeVore, who can best be described as a comfortable old loafer in a fuck-me pump state.
There are two candidates who have a chance to win the Republican nomination for Senate in June 2010. One is Chuck DeVore. One of our Fighting Four candidates this primary season, he announced last November his candidacy to defeat Senator Barbara Boxer. Term-limited from his state Assembly seat, he’s committed to victory.
The other is Carly Fiorina. A political novice, never having run for office before, she doesn’t even know if she’s running for this office yet. In big, black letters her own, brand-new website asks “Coming Soon?” It’s no wonder she won’t even fund her own campaign. Why spend that money when she might not even run?
Chuck DeVore is on Facebook. Chuck DeVore is on Twitter, and he’s active on both. Carly Fiorina’s webpage has placeholder, non-functional links to both services. She may, or may not, show up to engage Republicans, and will do so only when it’s convenient for her.
Yeah! The bitch! Only showing up when it’s convenient for her. What kind of serious potential national leader pulls that kind of shit? So the movers and shakers at RedState have added Chuck DeVore to their Fox Force Five or whatever, joining the Mexican guy, the black guy, the other white guy, and probably an Asian guy to be announced because they need somebody who is really good at math. And kung fu.
So hows that Fab Five Freddy fund raising thing going, RedState StrikeForce Wolverines?
Hmmmm. With six days to go we’re looking at a shortfall of …carry the three…. um….. a lot.
Fortunately Chuck has learned (probably the hard way) to not depend on the kindness of strange men and he has his own pledge drive going.
Chuck?
Eh. Not so good.
Obviously Chuck will be forced to call upon some heavy hitters. For example here is Chuck with the World’s Worst Liza Minnelli impersonator and Andrew Breitbart of BigHollywood.com (conservatives complain about the culture), BigGovernment.com (conservatives complain about the government… but only when a black guy is in charge), BigMac.com (conservatives complain about fast food and the Mexicans who serve it), and BigFlamingDouchebag.com (Andrew’s personal website).
Here is Chuck with Mike Huckabee and the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins. Here is Chuck with John Bolton. Here is Chuck with some smug white guy and a "Go Nuclear with Chuck" science fair project.
And there is nothing Carlyfornians love more than nukes, religious fundamentalists, and a warmonger with anger issues.
Chuck is fucked.
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Really though the quadruplefecta of using 1) a nickmame for the state that managed to evoke the word “carnal”, 2) Arnold’s infamous “Gully-FORnia” mouth-mangling along with 3) its echoes of “fornication”, and 4) do all that on the day when “California Dreamin” and all those other concepts are bursting, mixed together, from the tabloid that is our national discourse..
Well. It rarely gets as good as that. Chapeau, Carly.
The timing is splendid for a Mamas and the Papas reference. Carly, you shriveled old twat, are you mad because your daddy never wanted to marry you?
I would love to get involvec with Carly. But does she know how to spell HP?
Also. Chuck can shoot laser death beams from his eyes, so he’s a shoo-in. Cawleyfornyawns love super heroes.
Thank god you people are on the other side of the country. At least here in FL we have a wide selection or Republican nitwits (and one lone Democrat who doesn’t have a chance) to choose from. And it ain’t gonna be the mexican lookin guy anyway.
As for Carly, sheesh, no wonder she was tossed out on her ear.
Segolene Royal turned 56 on Wednesday. The comparison between her on the one hand and KKKarly and Mrs. (former) Governor Sarah P OTOH is perhaps instructive:
http://www.facebook.com/segoleneroyal?v=wall
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S…..A8ne_Royal
Barbra Streisand sings at the Village Vanguard on Saturday. Also
Quaere: how’d we get stuck with loser chix like Carly and Sarah istead of Elizabeth Warren?
See, they gave Joe Wilson all their money.
The website shot is um, different.
What the hell is happening to California? That website is a travesty. I got nothing today. I am with JDM3. Viva la France!
I’ll tell you why we get loser chix like La Fiorina and La Palina–because incompetency rises to the top of the GOP. We need a hot, smart chick on the left who can titillate while elucidating progressive talking points.
Why is the RedState fundraiser for their mod squad of choice brought to us by “Devore for California”? Is Redstate looking to pay down their Skittlebräu bill by fronting for him, but thought he needed some cover to make it look like he has grassroots support, so they included three other soon-to-be-losers in his fundraising / email harvesting scheme?
Tbogg, you’re missing Chucky Devore’s most attractive quality to the wingnuts: Author of the greatest, most scariest novel since, well, anything Newt Gingrich has written. China Attacks!
From the website:
Told through the eyes of five main characters: a young, brash and beautiful CIA analyst; a rock-solid Marine Corps colonel; an Army National Guardsman; a Chinese commando officer; and a member of China’s Communist Party elite, China Attacks, leads the reader through deception, betrayal, brutality and triumph.
Also.
From the Authors
This book, now in its second edition, is a fictional treatment of how China might seek to attack Taiwan in the near future. Steven Mosher and I put a year of research and writing into this effort. We’re pleased that the book has been translated into Chinese and sells in Taiwan. We hope you buy our book, read it, and find it hard to put down!
That will show those Chinamen we mean business! It should only be a matter of hours after Senator Devore and Preznit Palin are in place in 2012 that the ICBM board at NORAD lights up like a Christmas tree.
Does anyone know how to say wolverines in Mandarin?
Like a wreck on the side of the road, I was drawn, nay compelled to follow the link to the pic with Herr Bolton. Either Chuck and Liza-Lite are GIANTS or Herr Bolton is one tiny tiny man. I guess he grows the big ’stache as compensation for his smallness…
Loved that part: “Term-limited from his state Assembly seat, he’s committed to victory.” Shorter Chuck’s business plan: his current gravy-train is coming to a screeching halt, and rather than delude himself that he might obtain gainful employ in the private sector (where the standards are so low that Carly was made CEO of HP for chrissakes!), he’s committed to continue living off the public teat indefinitely. The classic GOP mantra: “smaller government now — just not so small that I can’t still draw a solid paycheck and benefits from all y’all for sitting around and fucking things up. No, you’re welcome.”
I guess he could run with a slogan like: “Stop Another Unproductive Loser from Become a Homeless Bum. Give Chuck Another Free Ride!” But “Kill The Chinese and Screw the World” will probably sell better to his (apparently penniless) RedState audience…
Am I the only ones who think those buttons look like pills? A whole ‘nother Carlyfornia dreamin’ there. But someone should really explain to Carly that if she fucks this up no one is going to pay her millions this time to go away.
I can only surmise Carly’s website is a nod to Arnold. Is she hoping to get his endorsement? That may not be such a good idea. The wingnuts hate Arnold and last time I looked they still run the Party. Maybe Carly can work for Quitter in 2012. No wait, Palin hates Carly also.
She can be thankful, though, Redstate’s not doing her fundraising.
Dig Chuck’s pupils in that shot. Better living through chemistry!
Uh, poor Gnarly. What a time to harken back to a Mamas and Papas song. Mackenzie Phillips, anyone?
What the Four For Fumbling site really needs is to add Mark “Not Captain” Kirk, the slightly Jim Henson-ish Illinois GOP rep who wants Obama’s old Senate seat, to join their group, because then folks could throw away their money in four different time zones.
Looks a lot like this Chuck, don’t he?
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_cudK…..-21049.jpg
Damn, I wish I had some Photoshop skillz…
SECOND EDITION!! Ah, the sweet smell of success. The politics thing is just his dilettantism in full flower.
When I worry that the Dems are going to blow the next election by being unable to pass needed reforms in Congress now, I go to that color site and see how fundraising is going for them. It lifts my spirits.
Of course, that is also bound to be a great hit in Califonia since there are so few of Chinese descent living there and they never vote anyway.
That would be this Chuck DeVore:
Q: What’s your take on taxes?
A: “High taxes not only harm the economy, they reduce our economic liberty. I support the Fair Tax — but to really make it work, we have to repeal the 16th Amendment.”
From an interview at the Paulista “Liberty Forest” web site.
DeVore is a product of one of the most lily-white cities (Irvine, 9% Hispanic, 2% black) in Orange County. Despite the fact that the rest of California doesn’t look fuck-all like Irvine, DeVore is convinced that he’ll catch fire with the voters and he’s already made over 113 campaign appearances to compensate for the fact that he has no money, is an asshole, and is losing in the polls to a woman who hasn’t even declared her candidacy.
I guess if this bid fails he can always go back and run for Irvine City Council like he did in 2002. No, wait, he lost that one too.
I’m thinking maybe a career in retail is next for Chuck. Payless, or perhaps Staples.
Or if that doesn’t work out, he can always try motivational speaking: “There’s two kinds of people in this world, there’s winners and there’s losers. Okay, you know what the difference is? Winners don’t give up.”
Is it just me, or are those two big Seconals in the middle of Carly’s website?
“Welcome to WalMart!”
I want to see the Fighting Four fight over the $12k.
Cartoon characters are usually shorter than actual humans.
Never let it be said that Eric Erickson isn’t afraid to humiliate himself with fundraising targets that the club members at the Rubey Ranch could never begin to meet. I’m surprised Eric didn’t go for the gusto and set the target at $1MM. I’ll bet it will be run, like FreeRepublic’s boiler room, where they have a permanent foundraising campaign that raises coffee money for Jimbob…til the last days of the campaign where it mysteriously meets the target and the next fundraising cycle starts the next day.
Thanks for highlighting yet another player on the minor league GOP bench.
This is a valuable service….Perhaps you can serialize this concept? Maybe do a “Scouting Report: Previewing the Next Generation Crazy (VOL. xxx)”. You could do an easy-to-follow ranking stem (on the sane scale of batshit crazy(-100) to too normal to be a Republican(0) and perhaps a snark scale to help us quickly understand if this is simply another harmless conartist prospect being promoted by the Limbaugh Party (say 100) or if this candidate has the real stuff and, if called up to the Big’s, could actually be detrimental to the continuation of human life on Earth (0).
If she had gone with “Carlyfailin’ Dreaming”, I could get behind it.