Bill Hennesy who “edits” stlouisteaparty.com (because a blog that gets 480 hits a day requires a real hands-on no-nonsense editor to keep it all focused and shit) takes to the pages of Andrew Breitbart’s BigSocialistACORN!!ACORN!!Government and goes all St. Crispin’s Teabagging Day because they are totally going to elect Doug Hoffman to be the most important Congressman in the Universe Who Can Stop The Colored Guy:
Before the polls open in upper New York on Tuesday morning, thousands of Tea Partiers from states as far away as California will have had an impact on what might otherwise have been an unnoticed special election. Local Tea Party Organizers across the country are overwhelmed by their people’s desire to help. Hoffman’s offices are overwhelmed with volunteers who are just showing up.
If you’re a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of person, Robert Stacy McCain has provided a picture from Doug Hoffman’s Fortress of Electoral Invincitude:
To be fair, someone just left to make a Jamba Juice run and someone else was in the bathroom. But Hoffmania!
But wait. There’s more. Sandwiched around Hennesy’s call to arms is a brief history of teabagging:
While the Washington literati sipped Fair Trade coffee, the Tea Partiers shifted form, as they have many times before. In February, it was the angry mob telling government, “no more bailouts.” Government continued bailing out its favored corporate lackeys, and the angry mob morphed into a massive movement with 1.2 million people protesting government growth on Tax Day.
With quiet parties on July 4, the Tea Party’s Divisions split into Companies or Platoons and deployed into Congressional Town Halls. Beginning with Missouri Congressman Russ Carnahan’s embarrassingly funny gaff-fest on July 21, the Tea Party folks weathered the SEIU thugs’ fists, the White House’s violent rhetoric, and Nancy Pelosi’s base taunts. With Gadsen flags and chattering teeth, they stormed Congressional Offices in August and delayed the Washington healthcare takeover by at least 3 months. But the morphing continued.
On September 1, Tea Party Nation struck back against a hard left boycott of Whole Foods Market. Instead of signs, megaphones, and chants, this protest was a “buy-cott.” In dozens of cities, Tea Partiers lined up to shop at Whole Foods, confounding the left, overwhelming the boycott, and gaining press from the like of Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show.” The left was flustered.
…and a warning to libtards to look upon their teabagging and despair:
Those patriots will soon conduct perhaps the strongest get-out-the-vote campaign ever targeted on a single Congressional election. Imagine a thousand people from a dozen states calling “friends” in a single Congressional district a continent away to say, “we love our country; we know you do too; please vote for Doug Hoffman for us; we’ll return the favor for you as soon as we possibly can.”
It’s as if God has given Tea Partiers the lever that controls the course of the sun. If they all pull together, they make it Morning in America.
From the ice and snow of the first gatherings last February, to the tidal wave of electoral assistance this week, that “whatever you need” attitude identifies this movement and its members.
U-S-A! U-S-A!
Cue Lee Greewood’s Proud To Be An American. Wave little Gadsen flag. Woverines. Also. Too.



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[..] But the morphing continued. [...] — more like: as a ruderless ship, the brigade of intellectual zombies has reacted to Glenn Beck’s every brain fart with a lurching change of direction; sometimes eating their own, sometimes idly nibbling on their soggy tea bags of mass destruction while awaiting new orders from Fox & Friends.
[...] The left was flustered. [...] No, we’re flattered, fascinated and profoundly entertained. Please don’t stop comparing yourselves to a crack suicide squad of righteousness. It’s like those youtubes of kids crashing shopping carts into brick walls, only less metaphysical and abstract.
Well, whatever it takes to get them out of their mom’s basement I suppose. Next, if we’re lucky, maybe they’ll sign up for a civics class at the local junior college.
…then die of embarrassment.
Awesome! That is Wingnut Hall of Fame material…
I really hope they win, otherwise they might be discouraged. And discouraged people sometimes are unwilling to make public spectacles of themselves.
Wolverines!
“With… chattering teeth…in August ”
Fever? Withdrawal symptoms? Or were they carrying those wind-up teeth you could buy in novelty shops back when novelty shops existed.
With the fury of an X-class solar flare, the burgeoning righteous ecstasy of all-consuming Hoffmania erupts into a thrash-metal epiphany.
Imagine the harmonic drone of a four dollar electric toothbrush in the hands of Maestro Steele conducting the simultaneous explosions of right-wing ardor and conservative fury in a raging, poll-destroying rampage the likes of which can only be felt by playing Akercockie’s Axiom on one tab whilst playing Oceano’s “District of Misery” on another tab. At the same time!!
Go ahead and try it — you too will know motivation’s highest pinnacle! Feel the raw dynamism that pits pure American Power and Exceptionalism against droopy dithering bleeding heart liberalism. Is it even a contest?
Liberuls will rue the day that they deigned to mock the forces of Bush, Cheney and Doughy Pantload…
Tune in… turn on… drop out you liberal Republicans! Conservatives Rule!
Yes, that’ll show them damn arugula-eating liberals! We’ll buy…arugula! And that Frenchie (but not French’s) mustard! U.S.A.!
Yes, because that’s just how horrible the left is. They actually read, and, and, and, they want to treat brown people in other countries with a modicum of respect!* WOLVERINES!
*Full disclosure: I both read and drink Fair Trade coffee.
I hope nobody tells them that Whole Foods sells mostly fair trade coffee – it might make them choke on their arugula.
“Government continued bailing out its favored corporate lackeys”
That’s what I object to. Who bails out their lackeys? If they’re your lackeys, it’s their damn job to bail YOU out.
Plus, everybody’s always crying “wolverines” but I NEVER SEE A SINGLE WOLVERINE ANYWHERE. So where are they? Are they invisible? Great. Just what this country needs. A bunch of invisible wolverines.
Snide remarks rained down like… rain, and still they kept on. Through the barrage of rolling eyes, their intrepidity never wavered. Bombarded from every side by bemused and dismayed exclamations of WTF? and Teabaggers?, their resolve was steadfast.
Swords and tequila!!
With Gadsen [sic] flags and chattering teeth, they stormed Congressional Offices in August and delayed the Washington healthcare takeover by at least 3 months.
That sentence would win the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest in a walk. Too bad that Hennessy would likely regard such literary distinction as elitist.
Tea Partiers lined up to shop at Whole Foods, confounding the left, overwhelming the boycott, and gaining press from the like of Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show.” The left was flustered.
And yet, those of us devoted to Trader Joe’s beat back the Teabaggers of Doom, achieving our goal of cheap champagne, quality nuts and fine, fine cheeses.
Pretty sure the “chattering teeth” are like the best party favor I ever got in third grade, you know, the wind up dentures that walk across the table (or congressional district).
Those teabaggers are a swell bunch.
….
Shape-shifting Tea Partiers. Mystery series soon coming to a lieberry near you.
Is that like lower Missouri? I mean, who the hell is this person?
“…thousands of Tea Partiers from states as far away as California will have had an impact on what might otherwise have been an unnoticed special election.”
There was a time when they would be called outside agitators.
Ia Nyalarthotep!
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
TBogg, once again, through your keyboard you have “pwned” the opposition, as the kids would say. Not a fair battle of wits, as these geniuses are only half-armed.
According to TPM, the treasonous, moderate republican candidate in NY-23 (Scozzafava) has suspended her campaign due to lack of funds and bad polling, and now the NRCC is getting behind teaparty love-object Hoffman as election day draws near, so hey, chalk one up for the teabaggers!
This is only going to encourage them you know, which means one thing we can count on: the snark shall flow, deep and delicious, as this insurgency reaches its inevitable conclusion*: Palin/Cheney (Liz) in 2012 as a super-duper, no-holds barred, ultra-conservative, 3rd party ticket.
*Glenn Beck has thus prophesied. Plus O’Lielly says he finds $arah “fascinating”, which is code for Louffah-bait. The Head Dude better watch out about who’s stalkin’ his meal ticket.
WTF? you edit that damned thing after posting and all the paragraph breaks go away, even when you put them in twice!
Sorry about the run-on; place breaks in 2 places – you decide where they’d best be located.
I love it when conservatives devour their own, especially the more marginally rational fringe.
Lots of “wolverine animal” pix on Google Images — snarling with mouths wide open, and brainless. Just like the right wing.
Alright, now this blog platform is just messin’ with me…
It’s as if God has given Tea Partiers the lever that controls the course of the sun. If they all pull together, they make it Morning in America.
Goodness gracious yes! Yet us go back to those halcyon days of Ronaldus Maximus, that we may once again taunt nuclear superpowers and take credit for their self-inflicted demise, fund nun-killers in South America, and run up staggering deficits in the name of Small Gubment.
These folks have been drinking the Kool-Aid a long, long time. Too bad we can’t fit them all with virtual reality helmets broadcasting Bizarro World 24/7, and get them to leave the rest of humanity the hell alone.