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Bill Kristol’s cabana boy, Matthew Continetti, is all over the place this week strewing rose petals before the mukluks of the Alaska almost-writer lady. Besides his regular gig at the non-profit Weekly Standard, Continetti has been popping up like a whack-a-mole at the Wall Street Journal, CNN, and now the Washington Post’s Book World.
Continetti begins his Palin tongue bath review in an amusing way:
Like a lot of people, as soon as I got my copy of Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue,” I immediately thought of the German literary critic Hans Robert Jauss.
He really wrote that. For reals.
Surprisingly, Continetti didn’t start off his latest paen to Palin with:
It must be very strange to be
President BushSarah Palin. A (wo)man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, (s)he can’t get anyone to notice. (S)He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his her time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile. Also. Too.
Oh wait. That would have been Ben Domenech.
I get these juice box pundits mixed up all of the time.
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“Hans Robert Jauss” actually translates into English as “Give me a wedgie, please, I’m begging you.”
Like a lot of people, as soon as I got my copy of Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue,” I immediately thought of the German literary critic Hans Robert Jauss.
That would make even Michiko Kakutani laugh, and Michiko Kakutani never laughs.
Now, c’mon Matty. You know the first things you thought of when you brought the book home was where you left that box of kleenex and bottle of non-scent Jergens lotion. And get ready for some hate mail from the right after claiming she had a ghost writer. No wayz! Her fan club says she wrote it herself. 400 pages!
Incontinetti is making a go at the GOP Boy 2.0 thing, having flamed out as GOP Boy in the Bush years.
Oh, for a televised fluffer-off between him and Jamie Kirchik, using those giant Q-Tips from Gladiators.
Like a lot of people as soon as I got my copy of “Going Rogue I farted/ vomited/ laughed my lily white ass off/ cried/ laughed maniacally/ immediately downed six ice cold PBRs in quick succession and wondered what the fuck it was that we did to the whole world that was so bad that this woman continues to be taken seriously.
Then I sang sad ballads to the stars and dreamed wistfully of long winter nights, soft snowfalls and shooting wolves from helicopters.
Then I passed out.
For this asshat, Caribou Barbie brings a whole new meaning to the term right wing whack-job.
Maybe somebody needs to suggest to young Matthew that if he yanks his crank with his left hand, it’ll feel just like screwing a liberal.
Doughy Panload’s been falling for that line for years.
“But for what it reveals about our current political culture, Hans Robert Jauss would say it can’t be beat.”
But why the fuck would anyone ask him, much less care what he says? Nationalize the Ivy League. “Columbia Junior College” sounds OK to me. Don’t know what Hans thinks about that. Don’t give a shit, either.
She’s still going to fuck you Matt.
Of course I meant NOT
Jeebus. He looks like he’s about 15 years old and dressed up to play a Senator for a day in Model Legislature at his high school. Are those braces on his teeth or am I seeing things?
Hans Robert Jauss would definitely approve of that!
Woke up to that simpering twit on C-span at 5:30 the other morning.
Still pulling staples outta my eyelids.
Levi would hit that.
That’s what that little fucking twerp looks like? No wonder he’s so fucked up. He must have gotten his ass kicked from kindergarten through 12th grade continuously.
Continetti looks like the type who will shoot his load when he sees Palin’s book on top of his on the remainder table. Of course he also looks like the type who keeps a roll of duct tape beside the hamster cage.
For taping their little feet to the floor?
This.
“Juice box pundits.” Perfect.
Like a lot of people, as soon as I got my copy of Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue,” I immediately thought of the German literary critic Hans Robert Jauss.
Uh … why? I refuse to click on the link.
Aw, g’head. It’s way exisitential. Like Ren and Stimpy.
You should see his Palin drag act. Does Cobalt have an amateur night?
Clearly you’ve never seen photos of Herr Professor Strauss lecturing on his Grundriß der romanischen Literaturen des Mittelalters, shirt unbuttoned to the waist, a stray lock of hair falling over one eye…
TRANSLATION: I took that course in hermeneutics in college because it was the only class that didn’t contain kids who would ruin the curve for the rest of us “Real Merkins.” Of course the knowledge imparted has been invaluable for padding vapid book reviews and impressing functionally illiterate bloggers on the Internet.
Does this make Continetti a “Jauss Books” pundit?
There is an opinion among some of the Washington Post commenters on Continetti’s “review” that the Hans Robert Jauss line is a vastly witty bit of satire. It’s either that, or he’s a pretentious little asshole.
(Hmmmm. Which is it?)
Fap, fap, fap……..fap. fap. fap……I’m almost done with the review of Sarah Palin’s book Ma! Close the door!
-Jonah Goldberg
You’re assuming he’s made it through 12th Grade. Judging by the fact he looks about 13, I’d suggest he still gets beat up daily.
THAT’S the guy with that long Italian name? J.H. Christ. The Weekly Standard must be like a small village in Spain, from which all the men over the age of 18 have been drafted and are never seen again. And so the youth must manfully shoulder the burden of the planting, the harvest, and all the other tasks their fathers and big brothers will never be able to do again.
Clear-headed and careful readers will notice he didn’t say, “as soon as I’d finished reading…” or even “as I worked my way through…”.
No, “as soon as he got his copy”. Which is an interesting phrase for a book reviewer to use, especially given his name-dropping of German literary critic Hans Robert Jauss, what with its not-quite-English pivoting on the word “got”. Y’know, as opposed to “received” or “obtained” or “as soon as my copy showed up” or what have you.
Palin/Best Reviewer 2012!!
Either I was late to the earlier party or I was early to this one. Whatever. The dude is a dribbler scooped from the shallow end of the gene pool.
Total crap, but a fairly clever bit of sophistry. I think pseudonymousinnc got it exactly right; Matty’s all in for a spot on Team 2.0…
That there might be a significant number of undecided, persuadable non-haters is as a laughable as him tagging Spice as a Global Celebrity.
Oh, for a televised fluffer-off between him and Jamie Kirchik, using those giant Q-Tips from Gladiators.
While wearing these:
http://www.cafepress.com/instapundit3.6293746
He wants some Nanookie.
Sagra, FTW!
Ha! He’d not hit what, also?
Left this in Matty’s Review comments: Hi Matty!
Folks are reviewing your review here: http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2009/11/17/matthew-continetti-will-continue-to-stalk-you-until-you-promise-to-love-sarah-palin-long-time-joe/
Lot’s of helpful tips there, but prob the best would be that you and Levi need to hook up…..
how old is this kid – 14?
David Brooks – Going Vague
(bows to d r i f t g l a s s)
haha, go vote for Jesus General’s review at amazon.com! hilarious.
check out his review of Carrie Prejean’s doorstop, too. fall down funny.
When Matt finally graduates from high school his opinions might be more amenable to ridicule rather of outright derision.
Where do the right wingnuts manufacture these faux intellectuals—in the armpits of Sarah Palin?
Can anyone imagine the state of conservative journalism 20 years from now given the trajectory over the past 20 years?
Weekly Standard fetuses will be interviewing presidential candidate Bristol Palin about the child she had with David Letterman.
Where is the next Paddy Chayefsky when you need him….
Where’d this kid go to school? Ashbrook Institute of Indoctrination?
That is a thing of beauty.
Oh, Lit Crit Fabio. I get it now. thx!
Previous comment was replying to DennisSGMM @23. Stupid software didn’t pick up the quote.
It’s a bit moot given how far the WaPo has descended, but it was completely inappropriate to give Continetti that review. Oh well, I guess it leaves Karl Rove free to “review” George W. Bush’s “book.”
And SeeKay on the crotch rocket clears the downhill with ease!
Somewhere in Elysium, Molly Ivins is sighing, adjusting her halo, and saying “Thanks be to God that this twerp isn’t a Texan.”
This little wanker makes The Virgin Ben look like a thoughtful, rational thinker. I agree with the other commenters; a German literary critic was NOT his first thought upon buying the book. More like, “Hmmm, will I go with the lotion, or play it rough with myself?” Once again, the GOP and its supporters prove themselves to be boys playing at a man’s game. Kind of sad, but I eagerly await the Palin-Obama debates. He will kick. Her. Ass.
Busted. Are you one of “us?”
I don’t think that his balls will have dropped yet by ’12. I’m not sure that his thoughts about Palin are even sexual yet; he probably hopes that she’ll buy him and his
friendsWorld of Warcraft guild beer.I feel sorry for the dead German.
Enjoy.
Plus, according to Ann Landers (or maybe Dear Abby)going lefty will lead to your dangle heading to the right.
Hans Robert Jauss
Who the hell IS that? I don’t want to click through to find out, or to discover why Kid Continetti thought of him even before he cracked the book. Something about her picture on the cover? Urp.
Signed,
Confused in the Comments