Nothing gets a Rod harderHey remember that Republican guy whose idea of “food, folks and fun” is wine, football, and beating and choking the shit out of his girlfriend so that she can’t say the safe word “green balloons“?

Here’s what we know: The woman, who lives in Sikeston, Missouri, told police that Jetton and she spoke by phone on November 15th about their plans to have sex that night, according to the blog of a TV station. Several hours later, she says, he went to her home with two bottles of wine. According to the woman, Jetton poured the wine in the kitchen, out of her view. He then returned to the living room and handed her a glass. While they were watching a football game, the woman says, she started ‘fading’ in and out and lost consciousness several times.

The woman added that she and Jetton had agreed on the phrase “green balloons” as a “safe word” that she could use if things got too rough during sex. That’s not uncommon among people who enjoy sex that involves dominance and submission.

But somehow things seem to have gotten way out of hand. The police report continues:

[The woman] recalls Jetton hitting her on the face very hard. She then remembers waking up, lying on the floor and Jetton was choking her. [The woman] said she did not know what happened with her memory because she had been drunk but had never had the blank spots in her memory.

Yeah, well anyway, this Rod Jetton (his porn name is Sheldon Bernstein, CPA LLC) thinks that maybe Charlie Crist, probably Lindsay Graham, kinda-sorta Mitch McConnell, and “some people say” John Boehner (his porn name is John Boehner) are a bunch of pervy pervs who perv other pervs with their pervy parts:

In a 2007 op-ed he wrote for the Southeast Missourian newspaper, Jetton explained why he had recently removed Rep. Scott Lipke, a fellow Republican, as chair of the Committee on Crime Prevention and Public Safety. Lipke, he wrote, had sponsored and handled a bill to protect children from sexual predators, which Jetton supported.

But, wrote Jetton:

“Lipke chose to use the bill to delete 14 words from our laws in order to repeal the gay sex ban in Missouri.

Thanks to that deletion, it is now legal to engage in deviate sexual intercourse with someone of the same sex here in Missouri. This law had been on our books for decades.”

As a result, Jetton stripped Lipke of his chairmanship. “It was a tough decision,” Jetton wrote, “but Lipke’s actions left me with no choice.”

Someone should tell The Institute on Religion and Public Life’s SexyTime Advice columnist Gateway Pundit Jim Hoft about this. Just as soon as Jim is done fisting the truth.