
Shorter Ross Douthat:
I found that smurfs with guns movie to be a deeply religious experience
Bonus Ross
I think you can see why Chunky Reese Witherspoon was spilling her boobage over this hunka hunka burning love.
I lost it at the movies |
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| By: TBogg Sunday December 20, 2009 10:03 pm | |

Shorter Ross Douthat:
I found that smurfs with guns movie to be a deeply religious experience
Bonus Ross
I think you can see why Chunky Reese Witherspoon was spilling her boobage over this hunka hunka burning love.
Of course Douthat doesn’t understand that science has (finally) progressed to the point that it can offer a reasonable explanation for how souls and spirits work in this material universe, and that we no longer need to appeal to the supernatural to explain miracles. Douthat is projecting his own disgust with a deity that insists upon sharing this reality with him; much better to believe in something that becomes relevant in another reality, rather than the here and now.
He gives a weird little smirk at the end. Probably because the announcer went to some shitty public university like Michigan or UCLA.
Meantime, Abinormal Tucker Douthat has been covering the “brutal, secret world of the king of beasts” fer the Smithsonian: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/78440042.html
Itz a mad treat and I can safely say she’s not a better writer than husband Rose:
“Every time I glanced at the grassy riverbanks above I was sure that I would find myself the object of some blond monster’s greedy regard. As I bent to claw stones out of the ground, I knew suddenly, with complete, visceral certainty, why Tanzanian villagers might rather be rid of these animals.
I’d already taken stock of their carving-knife incisors and Cleopatra eyes, observed their low, rolling, hoodlum swaggers, heard their idling growls and nocturnal bellows.”
ZOMG, Abi, dint you tell me they’re like that on the DC Metro, too, but not blond?
“Lions are vigorous when it comes to reproduction; Schaller observed one male mate 157 times in 55 hours.”
Given that there’s no competition for writing skilz dominance in the Douthat “pride,” those ED meds really oughta be working bettah fer Rose. Believe me, he’s not a 157/55 guy. In fact, he’s notta a 1/1 kinda guy.
Ya gotta read the part about species dominance by “dark maned males.” This is the ending:
“I kept thinking of the cubs in the crevice. Their mother might return while we slept. I almost hoped she would.”
I did hope. Does that make me a bitch?
Signed,
Chunky Reese Witherspoon
Russ Douchehat doesn’t know what Pantheism means non-shocker
After GWBush and Palin, I think we have a new and lower intelligence floor for public analysts. In the GOP IQ race to the bottom, I think Ross has found that he can be number one!!!
I missed the stupid in the video. Other than his simplistic BS about the “evul inserants compnees,” what is notable?
nutella: his blandness. He’s like broth-flavored gelatin.
Also, I liked that she pronounced his name three different ways and he never correced her.
I was wondering whether Angry Ewok realized that the real message of the movie was anti-drill-baby drill, so I went Beyond the Shorter, and gleaned this:
I’m sure that, if necessary, his answer would be, ahem, nuanced.
Strangely, it sounds like he believes these movies are real, like documentaries, or something.
That hairline is receding fast.
Noron, meet Moron.
Alternate shorter Ross: Without Jesus, we’re all just mud people.
To qoute Dan Aykroyd, “He’s an ugly spud, isn’t he?”