Tiger Woods addresses a waiting nation and declares that he likes to fuck. A lot.
Will we ever laugh again? Will we?
“I said ’I’m so proud of you. Never think you stand alone. Mom will always be there for you and I love you,”’ Kultida Woods said.
I am laughing, RIGHT, NOW!!
I think he should have done the wild thing right up there in front of everyone, just to show the world who is boss. That’s how yer real hound doggies keep it real, knowwhatImsayin?!?!
If it weren’t for the foot and a half or so of snow on the ground here, I would go out and shoot 18 right now.
With tears in my eyes.
(Mainly from my choked shots, not from that asshat.)
No more laughing. Only fucking.
Veronica Siwik-Daniels, one of Woods’ alleged mistresses and a former pornographic performer, watched the event with her attorney in a Los Angeles radio studio. She said she wants an apology for the unwanted attention the scandal has brought her.
“I really feel I deserve to look at him in person face to face in the eyes because I did not deserve this,” she said.
Like, totally! All she wanted to do was fuck the most famous golfer on the face of the earth, who happened to be married. And it wasn’t like she wanted to get paid for it or anything. She wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition!
fuckin’ & laughin’
laughin’ & fuckin’
laughin’ at fuckin’
it was good for me.
was it good for you.
clown car of fuckin’ & laughin’
I wonder how many young men are converting to Buddhism today.
I really feel I deserve to look at him in person face to face in the eyes
In Tiger’s defense, he may have been under the impression that looking at her in the eyes would involve paying extra.
Tiger is missing a golden opportunity to take televised golf to the next level. At present it’s a tough choice between the Golf channel and the Watching Paint Dry channel. Imagine the numbers if, after making the putt, the golfer then had to fuck the closest member of the gallery. Man, woman, goat, whatever. It can’t miss.
As for the apology, I’d still give five to one that Tiger Woods would fuck a snake if someone held its head for him.
Imagine the numbers if, after making the putt, the golfer then had to fuck the closest member of the gallery. Man, woman, goat, whatever. It can’t miss.
Good Lord, Dennis, have you ever seen the typical gallery member at Augusta? You wouldn’t fuck them with Bea Arthur’s dick. Scores would skyrocket, and a round of golf would last longer than a half-time show featuring The Who.
Overall, I thought it quite douche-a-licious. David Vitter is my senator, so I know.
And, commieatheist, NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Whoa, there cowboy. How about starting at PG, borrowing from boxing, with ‘Tee Off Girls’ in bikinis and heels holding up placards with the hole number before each foursome goes at it.
heehee She said foursome.
Or perhaps K-Lo can just give him a standing O after each birdy.
I liked how the seating was arranged so that after he hugged his mom he got to grope that one hot babe…
Tiger won’t settle for cougars any time soon.
C’mon. Ya gotta feel sorry for the guy. A year ago, he would (and could)fuck anything that moved. Now you have to imagine he hasn’t had any in three months. That sucker is probably ready to explode.
I think if you worked some Teabagging into it you’d have a winner.
Tiger’s always been known for his long putts.
Ever since Trudeau declared in 1967: “There’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation” (1967), Canadians have cared less. Actually, they cared naught before he said it, but when he made the declaration it sort of became official. What adults want to do consensually is nobody’s business.
Conservatives are trying to change all that by implying that to believe such a thing means excusing child abuse and human-on-Fido relationships and so on. Because they are stupid and probably perverse.
ump902a wins this fuckin’ thread.
After taking into consideration your thoughtful observation, and those of others, I have reworked my idea.
After sinking a putt, the golfer must then fuck their caddy. In addition, a team of three celebrity judges will rate each fuck and viewers will be able to contribute their own ratings via Twitter. The lowest-rated fucker will be scratched at the end of the round regardless of score.
I am now anxiously awaiting a call from ESPN 8 (The Ocho!).
So during the break in the golfing will the background music be the Stones’ “Star F’r”?
The sports page should have a daily section on who’s apologizing about what. Mark McGwire was all boo-hoo and “my bad” about steroids again today as he showed up for his coaching job. I think they’re more concerned about losing product endorsement jobs than actually “being sorry” about anything.
Bullshit. He’s rich, famous, and — as of late, at least — sort of single. There are enough wanna-be star fuckers out there that he could fill a bus and drive off into the sunset getting laid every hour on the hour. I don’t feel an ounce of sorry for the pathetic douchebag, I just hope he caught something really nasty from one of his wild swings and has some mild sense of regret every time it stings…
Sarcasm my dear thing, sarcasm.
My point is you cant miss the irony of this. He was able to bang away at will. And now (assuming this apology is truthful) he can’t do nothing. Imagine the tension this horndog must feel now.
He was listening to his father’s advice; “Son, there’s more to life than Swedish Supermodels.”
yeah, good thing there’s no other sex addicts at his rehab or he might get tempted
Okay, sorry I pounced. I was imagining his “no O since November” face and got so giddy I missed your snark. Feeling better. ;-)
OT: Tbogg, I’m sorry to hear your baby is sick again. You might want to change his food, the chinese stuff has been showing up again.
I second shekissesfrogs @30 above – good thoughts for recovered/continued good health to those floppy-eared boys of yours. [And I love-love-love the videos - like I needed another excuse to waste time. You're an enabler, you know.]
OT* – this is good news… FOR MITT!!! #PunchThatHippy!! #RestrainThatRapper!!
As is often the case, the very funny folks at The Onion captured it best.
I’m a golfer, and he’s a golfer who entertains me. As I told someone at work today, he’s even more entertaining now. He and Elin can work it out or not. But if they don’t, you’re going to see a serious binge of tabloid fodder.
Longest explanatory discussion of multiple holes-in-one evah !
The only thing more boring than watching golf on TV is watching a rich golfer apologize for being dumb enough to get caught with his pants down. He can probably kiss the Nike endorsements good-bye–but the Micatin people may be interested.
Interesting idea, but the golf commentariat will have to come up with a question to replace “How many strokes did Tiger take on that last hole?”
Oh, the American Stupid…it burns….it burns….
Like, we really give two sweet shits about a golfer’s screwing around? That’s all golf is, is screwing around!
Oh, c’mon now. Nike is behind him all the way.
After all, if he’s not the living embodiment of “Just do it!”, then I don’t know who is.