But, but, but… It’s THURSDAY, fergawdsake… No puppehs? Tigers are kittehs, right?

(As for the rest, there are aspects of “EWWW” or “ICK” that I choose not to address while waiting with bated breath for puppeh pix.)

But you gotta admit, the sumbitch can play golf… Given his behavior I’ll wager $100 in neatly plugged nickels that he’s a Republican about to run for the Senate.

I too look forward to the somewhat popular, sweetly unpleasant teenage bassets.

It’s been a long week.

I understand Tiger nailed all the holes in the first round of the Masters… wait, is that wrong? Too soon? (holds head in shame…)

“There are some things that even Nike’s money can’t fix.”

You take that back!

As a loyal resident of nike-hippytown-usa I cannot imagine any problem Good Uncle Phil’s money cannot correct.

We fired our basketball coach, but are getting a gawddamn super new $200,000,000 (half by Uncle Phil) basketball arena!

We fired our athletic director, uh, I mean we paid our former athletic director $2,000,000 to leave (even though he had no written contract) but we have 67 different game day football jersey versions to choose from!

Many of our football players tend to go thuggish regularly, but we brought the Olympic Track trials to town!

Climate change? New athlete-student-super-glass-study-hall! With shimmering tree-lined water pool! The thing is a gawddamn beast of brilliance! Construction price? Uncle Phil doesn’t have to tell you so fuck off! (non-athlete-students keep out!)

Child-buggering-priests? Slap a swoooosh on their heads and it’s all good! If that doesn’t work, we have Uncle Phil’s Law-Emporium on campus!

We’re living the dream here man. Living the dream…..

Puppehs! Puppehs! (banks knife and fork on table) Puppehs!

Given his behavior I’ll wager $100 in neatly plugged nickels that he’s a Republican about to run for the Senate.

The absence of wetsuits, dildos and diapers suggests that he is ill-suited for the GOP.

The Chicago Tribune didn’t think so. Their headline at 4:20 p.m. under the Sports tab was — I swear this is true — Tiger Woods Hole by Hole. Check out the screen capture at The Indignant Citizen.

Given his behavior I’ll wager $100 in neatly plugged nickels that he’s a Republican about to run for the Senate.

The absence of wetsuits, dildos and diapers suggests that he is ill-suited for the GOP.

Besides, I believe there’s a rule that there can only be one prominent black guy at a time in the Republican Party and Michael Steele has the gig at the moment.

Plus he’s a Buddhist, and obviously likes icky girls. Republicans only marry women to cover up their closet door. And they only hire prostitutes of the female kind to make them wear diapers and listen to their pathetic weeping.

Hey, make Uncle Phil send some of his $$$ back up to P-Town! Maybe he can build a stadium for Hank Paulsen’s stupid son’s minor league ball team so we don’t have to use urban renewal funds from impoverished neighborhoods.

Or perhaps he could look a bit further north and just steamroll and start over with even stupider Vantucky. Or at least Salem.

Dirtydoorknobitis