New Jersey Governor Chris “Chris” Christie thinks that 30 minutes a day of exercise may be a bridge too far for Jersey schoolchildren to huff and puff  over only to have to then  sit down on the other side and wait for their parents to show up and forklift them into the minivan.

The state Department of Education requires 2.5 hours a week of health and physical education classes for Grades 1-12. Governor Christie’s administration is considering eliminating the requirement altogether for elementary schools and loosening it in the upper grades.

This will provide most of these children, who face a shortened lifespan,  with two and a half more precious hours per week to spend fruitlessly searching their bodies for dropped M&M’s that “melt in their mouths and not in the sweaty rolls of fat that pile one upon the other from their hips to their chins like a jumbo-sized package of  distended and swollen sausages”.

Yeah,. I tried selling that tagline to the people at Mars but they still haven’t returned my calls.

Their loss…