Traveling snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin just returned to her humble ice shack in Wasilla only to find out that smartypants author person Joe McGinnis (who had already written a book about Alaska back when Todd Palin was still exploring a high school-aged Sarah Heath’s northern territories, if you know what I mean ) has moved in next door. This is very frightening thing because the house that McGinnis has rented has a ginormous observation deck which overlooks the private portions of the modest and unassuming Palin household where the most innocent members of the Palin family live their idyllic childhood when they are not being hauled around the lower forty-eight as props for mommy while she shakes down an even lower strata of rubes:

Yes, that Joe McGinniss. Here he is – about 15 feet away on the neighbor’s rented deck overlooking my children’s play area and my kitchen window. Maybe we’ll welcome him with a homemade blueberry pie tomorrow so he’ll know how friendly Alaskans are.

[...]

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom, my little garden, and the family’s swimming hole?

This would be the folksy “little garden” and  “family swimming hole” which can be found next to:

…the most concrete new development in the Palin family, an enormous structure rising beside their existing 3,400-square-foot house on Lucile Lake, is something of a mystery. Based on the limited evidence in the planning department at Wasilla City Hall (the city does not require building permits), the building’s footprint alone is 6,000 square feet, but much of it is two stories. Various sources have said the project includes a television studio (Fox News, Mr. Heath said), apartments for Mr. Palin or the Palins’ older children (Bristol Palin, 19, has said, however, that she is living on her own with Tripp and paying her own bills with the help of handsome speaking fees) and a well-appointed office for Ms. Palin.

But never mind that, Sarah Palin had just gotten home from probably shaking down some trade organization for $100,000 for a word salad of platitudes, when she decided to throw on a tank top and shorts (oh Jesus, Lowry, put it away) in the 57 degree weather and go out and mow the lawn (uncut because lazy worthless Todd Palin spends all of his time drinking beer made from fermented moose and tinkering in the garage with his snow crotchrockets). But then Sarah, who can see both Russia and the neighboring house from her yard, found McGinnis trying to grab a glimpse of the glistening sheen of perspiration between her breasts as she pushed the reel mower; her nipples, like heliotropic Hershey’s Kisses, thrusting against the thin fabric of her wifebeater in the chill Wasilla air. (okay, Lowry, you can take it out again) :

Upon my family’s return this morning from endorsement rallies and speeches in the Lower 48 states, I finally got the chance to tackle my garden and lawn this evening! So, putting on the shorts and tank top to catch that too-brief northern summer sun and placing a giddy Trig in his toddler backpack for a lawn-mowing adventure, I looked up in surprise to see a “new neighbor” overlooking my property just a stone’s throw away. Needless to say, our outdoor adventure ended quickly after Todd went to introduce himself to the stranger who was peering in…

So she quit and ran in the house which is how you know that this is probably the first true story that she has ever told.

The end.

(Photo credit)