Tweet
Today eMeg Whitman and CarlyForniarina are both going to do something that they have never done before. Yes! Voting! Which is that thing where you go into a booth and pull a lever or punch a card for a person to be the boss of you forever. And if you’re not sure who you want to vote for, you can always use a Diebold machine which is like a giant iPad that will decide your vote for you. Exciting!
And what makes this election so different that it will cause eMeg and Carlyfornia to get up early and pose by a polling booth instead of sitting at the dining table, idly flipping through a Hammacher Schlemmer catalog while waiting for Maria to “bring Momma another Bloody” like they usually do? Because they’re on the ballot! Yes, eMeg spent some of the billions she received in commissions from stupid housewives selling Beanie Babies back and forth to each other, and Carly spent some of the millions she received from the board of HP to make her go away and quit destroying the company.
And now, today, they get to vote for themselves and it will be new and exhilarating and they hope they don’t mess up and vote for Pat Buchanan.
The end.
19 Comments
Support this site!
Subscribe to the newsletter
Advertise on Firedoglake
Send
us your tips
Make us your homepage
About TBogg
RSS/XML Feed
Women voting? Hell, next they’ll want to wear pants. Damned uppity women, voting when I need sammitches. The nerve!
stupid housewives selling Beanie Babies back and forth to each other
Hel-lo? Damn right. It’s called “an economy.” Get used to it. Because that’s all that’s left.
My tips for these two stalwarts of the democratic process.
Carly – a ‘voting machine’ is sort of like an HP computer, only a thousand times more powerful and you don’t have to stare at an hour glass for ten minutes after hitting the enter key, or in this case, pulling the lever. Enjoy!
Meg – unlike an Ebay auction that has failed to meet the reserve, you cannot extend the election in hopes of receiving a higher percentage of votes. You can, however, ‘re-list’ yourself four years from now. Good luck with that.
I wonder what went through Meg’s mind when she discovered that there wasn’t a “Buy it Now” option for Governor.
thanks for the laugh :)
Let’s not forget to remind them to vote for Orly Taitz.
Tbogg channels Fafblog.
I can hear Steve Jobs having a heart attack from here….
Man, this brightened my day–and the comments are pure platinum (don’t like gold). I have to laugh, so I don’t cry.
Are you sure about that? She’s certainly spending like she thinks there is:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/04/meg-whitman-spending-meg-_n_601328.html
What’s really high-larious is that Birther Queen Orly Taitz may walk off with the nom for Secretary of State. She’s on the ballot against an establishment-backed primary opponent dud who’s never even voted before, and yet wants to run the State’s voting system.
Could you imagine sharing a ballot with her?
Let the games begin!!
If truer words were ever blogged I’m unaware of them.
Kinda reminds me of living in Vermont in the early 70′s, when the state consisted of 500,000 people making macrame to sell to all the leaf peepers who showed up every fall… You’ll notice I’m not there any more. (Well, having your whiffletrees frozen off for 9 months of the year also was a reason…)
That is the funniest fucking thing I have read in a long time. Period. I split my side laughing. Kudos from the Central Valley beach man.
Man, if she makes it she’ll out-crazy my insane AG, Ken Cuccinelli. South Carolina, Virginia, Arizona, California, Florida, Texas…imagine what the history books are gonna say about this era in American politics.
Oh, yeah, I forgot Nevada (via Steve Benen):
“She’s [Angle] embraced right-wing extremists who warn of U.S. officials turning American cities “into giant concentration camps,” and has fought against fluoridated water.”
I hate it when my whiffletree freezes off.
Ooooh yeah! All I know is that I just LOVE the idea of perimenopausal females who are willing to spend over $100 million-plus to prove to the public that they should have been voted the most popular girls in their respective high schools, in charge of the State’s budget….
“Governor Moonbeam” is looking more like the voice of reason with each passing day.
Well it is some sort of moral victory for woman that Orly Taitz got almost four times as many votes as Micky Kaus.
Uh, isn’t it?