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Atlantic magazine writer and Israeli Chamber of Commerce spokesmodel Jeffrey Goldberg has a big honking story up at The Atlantic about the upcoming Israeli End Times Bombaroo festival coming soon to a planet in your neighborhood and, as excerpted by Wonkette because I’m too lazy to read it right now, we can expect:
…a good chance of changing the Middle East forever; of sparking lethal reprisals, and even a full-blown regional war that could lead to the deaths of thousands of Israelis and Iranians, and possibly Arabs and Americans as well; of creating a crisis for Barack Obama that will dwarf Afghanistan in significance and complexity; of rupturing relations between Jerusalem and Washington, which is Israel’s only meaningful ally; of inadvertently solidifying the somewhat tenuous rule of the mullahs in Tehran; of causing the price of oil to spike to cataclysmic highs, launching the world economy into a period of turbulence not experienced since the autumn of 2008, or possibly since the oil shock of 1973; of placing communities across the Jewish diaspora in mortal danger, by making them targets of Iranian-sponsored terror attacks, as they have been in the past, in a limited though already lethal way; and of accelerating Israel’s conversion from a once-admired refuge for a persecuted people into a leper among nations.
So this is probably bad news for Sarah Palin who just started making the big bucks and now Jesus is going to be calling her home like the big tease he has always been with his “I’m coming back!…. Psych! Not yet! Oh dude, you should have seen your face! That was awesome. Really. Totally had you going”.
Anyway, what does Jeffrey Goldberg Atlantic blogger and Israeli Chamber of Commerce spokesmodel think about this article that he wrote? He thinks:
I’ll be back later to discuss Goldblog’s own personal opinion about a military strike on Iran. Big clue: The position involves deep, paralyzing ambivalence.
On the one hand the whole end-of-the-world earth-as-a-burning-cinder-flickering-into-a-cold-dead-place apocalypse thing is kind of a bummer. On the other hand, he can go out knowing that he finally got one big cover story right.
Pulitzer, bitchez!
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“The good news is that the Global Recession and Constant Firestorms and pandemics and starvation and 100-degree-Farenheit Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere and rampaging murderers in National Park campgrounds and a GOP-controlled House of Representatives and 90% unemployment should keep us all busy enough next year that we’ll barely notice the news of a nuclear war in the Middle East.”
I should really read Wonkette more often. Actually, I’ll just wait for Tbogg to excerpt her so then I’ll know it’s worthwhile.
I would leave a comment but I’m laughing too hard. That was awesome Big T.
You can just see the gleam in Goldberg’s eye as he wrote this war porn.
I gotta buy more Kleenex stock; wingnuts like Goldberg make it a sure bet.
“deep, paralyzing ambivalence” — I always thought that was what Ross Douchehat’s partner-for-the-night felt when they got back to his place…
Oh great. As a person that surely will be left behind when the rapture arrives, I am sorely dissapointed to learn from Tbogg’s cartoon(photo?) above that all the big breasted hot chicks will be soaring skyward.
Thanks a lot, Jesus.
Not the hawt, slutty, pot smokin’ hippie chick ones. Just the psychoChristian ones
They cannot be raptured too soon for my liking. On the other hand all this unseemly wanking over total nuclear destruction is a bit offputting.
We’ll be able to look up their skirts as they ascend. Never closes a door without opening a window…
“So, Jeff, what’s the name of your…act?”
“Why, the Aristocrats, of course!”
That picture is from a Christian comic book called “There’s a New World Coming”, about the book of Revelation and the rapture.
I read it when I was about eight, back in the 70s.
I think it was the last straw that finally convinced me that Christianity was a mendacious, anti-intellectual, laughably self-contradictory, huckster’s con job with plot holes you could drive a truck through.
Though I did appreciate the comic chicks with nice cans.
dude, I’ll still be here!
Point taken. I guess the first image that came to my mind was of walking into a pub post-rapture and having Malkin and Coulter smile at me from the end of the bar, but now I realize all the cool smart hippie atheists women will be here too, so I’m feeling much better about the whole living in a scorched and satanic world scenario. In fact, bring it on!
The Rapture is just a giant magnet in the sky–all those hussies are clearly being lifted up by their tongue studs and nipple rings.
Goldberg’s prose really conveys the feeling that his pants are off.