Proceed cautiously and at your own moral hazard.

Ummmm, sparkly libertarian vampires, nom nom nom

Alan Greenspan:

“Those of us who have looked to the self-interest of lending institutions to protect shareholders’ equity (myself especially) are in a state of shocked disbelief.”

SHOCKED I tells ya!

“Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”
Robert A. Heinlein

There’s always Ragnar Redbeard, the proto-Ayn-Rand:

Virtue is rewarded in this world, remember. Natural law makes no false judgments. Its decisions are true and just, even when dreadful. The victor gets the gold and the land every time. He also gets the fairest maidens, the glory tributes. And — why should it be otherwise? Why should the delights of life go to failures and cowards? Why should the spoils of battle belong to the unwarlike? That would be insanity, utterly unnatural and immoral.

[...]

Behold the crucifix, what does it symbolize?

Pallid incompetence hanging on a tree.

[...]

It is might against might, remember, by land and sea, man against man,

money against money, brains against brains, and — everything to the

winner.

“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works.”

“When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross, sitting in a lawn chair and eating a KFC Double Down.”

If we tell her Glenn Beck said it, maybe she’ll run with it.

“God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, ‘Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.’”

Ann Coulter

The Big Lebowski: Are you employed, sir?
The Dude: Employed?
The Big Lebowski: You don’t go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
The Dude: Is this a… what day is this?
The Big Lebowski: Well, I do work sir, so if you don’t mind…

‘Emergencies’ have always been the pretext on which the safeguards of individual liberty have been eroded.

(Actually) Hayek

I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do.

(Also) Hayek

Money, that’s what I want.

I do really wish that the invisible hand of the market would simply reach out an slap these morons upside the head.

I’m not sure this will help but I always liked this quote:

Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.

“The invisible hand is too selfish to provide a reacharound. The invisible hand picks your pocket as it forces your pants down.”

Jake, commenter over at balloonjuice a few years’ back.

Screw unto others before they screw you.

“I’m ’bout to get rich / ‘cuz life ain’t nuttin’ but money and fuck a bitch”

Ice Cube

Tags: all Ya’ll dumb motherfuckers don’t even know my opinion on shit!

I can’t wait to read the list of items associated with this tag!!!

Heinlein: “Our teeth grated and my nipples went spung!”

Today, Catholicism and communism may well cooperate, on the premise that they will fight each other for power later, but must first destroy their common enemy, the individual, by forcing mankind to unite to form one neck-ready for one leash. — Ayn Rand

“Mongo only pawn in game of life. Moreover also, as well.”

-Mongo

Hmmm…the free marketeers…oh:

“Blinded by the Right. Wrapped up like a douchehat, another loner in the night.”

-Mann, Manfred (via Bruce!)

Pretty much sums ‘em up.

…it’s a free market – make up your own damn quote

Max Bialystock: Don’t you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It’s so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on the books, two of them – one for the government, one for us. You can do it, Bloom; you’re a wizard! STEP FOUR: We open on Broadway. And before you can say STEP FIVE, we *close* on Broadway! STEP SIX: We take our million bucks and fly to *Rio!*

If the free market is so awesome, why do they employ thousands of opinion welfare recipients trying to sell it? If it’s so friggen’ awesome why are they all drawing a paycheck from Koch Industries working on the ‘still stale BS ideas’ production line?

Do your own homework!

Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

What, is Jonah Goldberg outsourcing his outsourcing now?

Phase 1: Collect Underpants
Phase 2: ??
Phase 3: Profit!!

More.

Frank McCloud: He knows what he wants. Don’t you, Rocco?
Johnny Rocco: Sure.
James Temple: What’s that?
Frank McCloud: Tell him, Rocco.
Johnny Rocco: Well, I want uh …
Frank McCloud: He wants more, don’t you, Rocco?
Johnny Rocco: Yeah. That’s it. More. That’s right! I want more!
James Temple: Will you ever get enough?
Frank McCloud: Will you, Rocco?
Johnny Rocco: Well, I never have. No, I guess I won’t.

— Key Largo (1948)
Humphrey Bogart, Edward G. Robinson, Lionel Barrymore

Damn, now I’m gonna have to track this down to watch it again.

Neatly done. *applause*

Someone needs to send her this whole exchange. Maybe we could embroider it on samplers and mail them to the Randians. I mean, what the hell, do they each have to come to this epiphany for themselves? You’d think one of the benefits of the free market would be learning from others’ mistakes, wouldn’t you.

TANSTAAFL

Pay me, beeyotch.

The problem with the invisible hand is that it never picks up the check.

“There’s not enough drugs in this world.”

– (Salma) Hayek in The Faculty

And of course: “Fuck you. Pay me.”

Never give a sucker an even break.

You’d think one of the benefits of the free market would be learning from others’ mistakes, wouldn’t you.

Sounds like collectivism to me…comrade.

What is good for me is right

William Edward Hickman, via Ayn Rand (1928).

It’s hard to find a dreamboat like Mr. Hickman in this day-and-age.* Sigh…

*NOTE: Hickman was a sick, twisted dude – there is seriously disturbing stuff at that link.

And what does her adulation of Hickman say about Rand? And what in turn does it say about that faction of libertarians who adore her so? [Yeah, semi-rhetorical question that kinda-sorta answers itself.]

The difference between communism and capitalism is that in communism it’s “Dog Eat Dog”, whereas in capitalism it’s the exact opposite.

‘Then fire all your government workers’

-John Galt (actual)

As Jim De Mint’s flunky, does she get to fire herself?

You got that quote wrong. It should be, “I’ve got mine. Fuck you.”

My bitch better have my money/Through rain, sleet, or snow/My whore better have my money/Not half, not some, but all my cash/’Cause if she don’t,/I’m gonna put my foot in her ass. (Source)

Here are two of my current favorites from Ludwig Von Mises founder of the “Austrian School” of economics so highly touted by people of the Tea persuasion:

“It cannot be denied that Fascism and similar movements aiming at the establishment of dictatorships are full of the best intentions and that their intervention has, for the moment, saved European civilization. The merit that Fascism has thereby won for itself will live on eternally in history.”

and, to Ayn Rand:

“You have the courage to tell the masses what no politician told them, ‘you are inferior, and all improvements in your condition, which you simply take for granted, you owe to the efforts of men who are better than you.’”

Nice stuff eh?

Better than an aphorism would be an emblem of the poorhouse cafeteria guy smacking Oliver Twist upside the head when he had the temerity to ask “more, please?” That’s the unregulated free market in all its glory.

Piggy-backing on yours, I know, but it’s so appropriate:

“Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.

“Plenty of prisons,” said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

“And the Union workhouses?” demanded Scrooge. “Are they still in operation?”

“They are. Still,” returned the gentleman, “I wish I could say they were not.”

“The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” said Scrooge.

“Both very busy, sir.”

“Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,” said Scrooge. “I’m very glad to hear it.”

“Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,” returned the gentleman, “a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?”

“Nothing!” Scrooge replied.

“You wish to be anonymous?”

“I wish to be left alone,” said Scrooge. “Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don’t make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned — they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.”

Like it was written yesterday; substitute the contemporary GOP/Tea Party for Scrooge…so sad.

The last words of my grandfather before that tragic accident:

“what bus?”

Amanda Carpenter has a Twitter account but has never heard of Google.

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
John Kenneth Galbraith

You may submit your own in the comments.

Easy.

C.R.E.A.M.

A couple more:

“When the capital development of a country becomes a by-product of the activities of a casino, the job is likely to be ill-done.” John Maynard Keynes

“The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.” Anonymous

The best free market quote for her is “It’s a free market, do your own fucking work; why should you get a handout, douche?”. Or, at least it seems that way to me.

…but never cheat a friend.

that’s the end of that quote, per Cary Grant in Mr. Lucky.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. — H.L. Mencken

Money
Well, get back
I’m all right Jack
Keep your hands off of my stack
Money
It’s a hit
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit
I’m in the high-fidelity first class travelling set
I think I need a Lear jet

Money
It’s a crime
Share it fairly
But don’t take a slice of my pie
Money
So they say
Is the root of all evil today
But if you ask for a raise
It’s no surprise that they’re giving none away
– Roger Waters

“We made too many wrong mistakes.” — Yogi Berra

“It’s a long worm that has no turning.”

– Dejah Thoris, to Usil, in Waiting for Godot.

[After successfully staying out of the Tasmanian Devil's clutches in an attempt to collect a reward, at the end of the cartoon, Daffy Duck is walking past the cage counting his money. A single bill drops to the ground. Before he can pick it up, a hand comes out of the Devil's cage and sweeps the bill in. Without pausing for a second, Daffy runs into the cage. There is a tremendous offscreen battle, after which Daffy emerges, eye blackened, with half his feathers gone, clutching a severely tattered bill.]

“I may be a coward, but I’m a GREEDY little coward!” –Daffy Duck

Are there no schools, is there no flunking of people who cannot muster the intelligence to do their own research?

No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.

The capacity of the human Republican [fixed!] mind for swallowing nonsense and spewing it forth in violent and repressive action has never yet been plumbed.

– Robert A. Heinlein

WC Fields’ maxims:

Never give a sucker an even break.
Don’t wise up a chump.
You can’t cheat an honest man.

Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy at a society party in “Letter of Introduction.”

“Here we are with the cream of society. Do you know why they call it the cream of society, Charlie? Because cream rises to the top.”

“Yeah,” replies Charlie, “so does the scum.”

Gina from Santa Barbara:

“With the Capwells you’re either on the bus, or roadkill behind it.”

Bullowme

Republican economics from Arthur Jensen (as told to Howard Beale):

“You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won’t have it!! Is that clear?! You think you’ve merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case. The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance! You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multi-national dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, Reichmarks, Yen, Rubles, Pounds, and Shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU WILL ATONE! Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state — Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that perfect world in which there’s no war or famine, oppression or brutality — one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock, all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused.”

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Network_(film)

I have learned the junk equation. Junk is not, like alcohol or weed, a means to increased enjoyment of life. Junk is not a kick. It is a way of life.

– William S Burroughs, “Junky”

Do unto others, and then split.
-motto of the Pagans, a biker gang.

Allegory from “My Little Chickadee”:

The Libertarian (played by grizzled old cowpoke), about to engage in a game of cards, watches The Free Market (played by Cuthbert Twilley) shuffle and deal.

The Libertarian: Is this a game of chance?

The Free Market: Not the way I play it, no.