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I have to wonder if it was really worth it to Toby Harnden to travel all the way to Reading, Ohio (the “Crossroads of Opportunity“!) just so he could make a lame stab at pointing out that John Boehner couldn’t possibly be a country club elitist and corporate rentboy because he grew up living in an abandoned beaver lodge sharing it with his fourteen brothers and sisters, all of them subsisting on a diet of dirt and, when times were good, the filters from cigarette butts scavenged from dumpsters behind bars.
No. For reals. This is true.
President Barack Obama is doing his best to turn Representative John Boehner, the House minority leader, into Public Enemy Number One. If Republicans win back the House of Representatives in November, as polls indicate, he will replace Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House.
[...]
Democrats have started a BeatBoehner.com website…
(Pause while you make up your own obligatory Christine O’Donnell masturbation joke in your head…. Finished? That was quick. Okay.)
Democrats have started a BeatBoehner.com website that claims he spent $1 million on “luxury hotels, exclusive golf resorts and gourmet dining for himself and his fat-cat contributors”. On the I-75 freeway outside Cincinnati, a huge poster showing a tanned Mr Boehner playing golf accuses him of teeing off 119 times in a year.
But this is not true, because how could he possibly be playing golf when Americans are unemployed and hurting. And by “Americans” we mean all the other little Boehners.
His sister Lynda Meineke, who is 51, is a waitress and bar tender at Andy’s Cafe in Carthage, Ohio, a family business that was founded by their grandfather Andy Boehner in 1938. As a child, one of Mr Boehner’s jobs was to mop the floor.
Sitting outside the bar this week, sipping a bottle of Bud Light and smoking a cigarette, Mrs Meineke described her childhood as “cramped” but happy. “We learned how to share. If there was a toy, it wasn’t just for you but for all the younger ones.”
Mr Boehner, 61, is the second of 12 who grew up in a German-Irish family in Reading, Ohio, just outside Cincinnati. All but two of them still live within a few miles of each other. Two are unemployed and most of the others have blue-collar jobs.
Just like you! Well, not you because, if you are reading this blog, you are probably an elitist socialist who owns many negroes who work on your liberal drug and abortion plantation. Or, you’re a Muslim terrorist. One of those. Maybe both if you’re an overachiever. Which is elitist, by the way.
Sorry. More Boehner.
The family house on Hill Street initially had two bedrooms with Mr Boehner and three brothers sleeping in one, their sister in another and their parents on a pull-out bed in the living room. Their father Earl later built a three-bedroom extension.
Mrs Meineke, whose husband is an unemployed builder, still lives in the modest house. She remembers her father rising at dawn to go off to the café, which he ran with his twin brother and was a favourite with truck drivers.
“Then my mother would get up before all of us, and drink coffee and listen to the radio, packing our lunches and writing our names on all the brown bags.
“Then she’d start waking us up. You knew that if you didn’t get up you’d be cutting your time in the bathroom in half. Sometimes, the boys had to go outside and pee by the tree.”
Psssh. They had a tree? They had urine? They had penises?
Rich kids. Show-offs. Elitists.
Anyway, despite his net worth of between $1,700,021 and $6,626,000 (to say nothing of his potential to make many millions more as a lobbyist when he realizes that all this Congress work-work time is really handicapping his handicap) John Boehner will never forget his humble roots and will someday renounce his congressional slave name and reclaim his real name: Kunta Boehner.
Also:
Dear English Telegraph newspaper-
If you want to publish an article claiming that John Boehner is not a golf club-swinging country club elitist, this is probably not the photo you might want to accompany the article.
Better to save it for the upcoming 3-part series: “John Boehener is totally not gay”.
You’re welcome.
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His goes all out on the white. White shoes, white shorts, white shirt. I guess it’s to offsite the orange.
I think this is the “John Boehner only became a high priced corporate whore because the alternative was abject poverty and living in rural Ohio” defense.
Didn’t President Obama get grilled on a daily basis about why his half-brother in Africa, who he barely knew, was living in a shack? And why the do-gooder President had not bought him a marble palace with golden toilets?
Also, too. Why does the Boner allow his sister to stay married to the lazy bum husband who is probably collecting, what do they call it? Oh, right. Funemployment! Unless it has run out already. And two of his siblings are milking the same government teat!
I wonder how his blue-collar siblings feel about putting off their retirement until 70 or so. Proud, I bet.
1) what’s with the super swishy knee pose thingy? who does he think he is—Tom DeLay on Dancing with the Stars?
2) so Boner’s rich, but won’t even help his own (contraceptively challenged) family? Sad that even an article trying to praise him reveals what a turd he is.
Oh we used to DREAM of growing up as a poor black child! Closest we could get was dyeing ourselves orange, but we had to use real oranges, in those days.
For a campaign that the DCCC and DNC won’t go anywhere near, Boehner must be feeling a lot of heat.
“We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in the lake!”
Answer to 1: He’s trying to resist the recidivist urge to go pee on the nearest tree.
It’s not easy getting the right shade of orange on oneself.
You have to move fast to steal the Cheetos from asshats like Jonah Goldberg.
To really get a feel for Representative Boehner juxtapose ‘image 1′ and ‘image 3′ at the Telegraph link.
Boehner is the only Republican person of color in the House of Reps.
Yeah, ORANGE heat! Sorry, couldn’t help it.
Anyway—-the biggest mystery is why all the Thuggies keep endlessly insisting he’s gonna be speaker, unless it’s vision board style, like The Secret. While the generic Republican still beats generic Dem thing might still hold true (with LIKELY voters)…sites like electoral-vote.com (which updates daily in election season and gets its info largely from right leaning Rasmussen) show the Dems holding 222 seats, the Pugs with 181—and 32 tied.
Sure things can change (in fact 2 days ago we had 2 fewer seats and the PUgs had 1 more!), but math on the current score shows us holding the House (not to mention recent senate Bewitched shenanigans)
According to the local Cincinnati GOP Talking Points Daily, Orange Glo’s unemployed brothers supported Boner’s position on unemployment benefits. Not all of us from the Cincinnati area are this awful. Really.
That must have cost him a pretty penny. What did he do, promise them jobs with the local GOP office or is he just paying them out of some campaign slush fund?
As the Brits put it:” I’ve got mine, Jack. To hell with you.”
“You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in the shoebox in the middle of the road.”
…and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
You ate what?
We ate sand.
You ate SAND?
That’s right!
Maybe the unemployed brothers caddy for the Boner.
Would probably pay more than working for the local GOP office, even though I doubt Boehner ever tips.
:D
That sucks for you, but we had to sweep the lake bottom dry every morning….
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.
Shit, buddy! That’s a special slice-o-hell!
In response to cbl2, gunsbeforebutter, scratch…
“And you try and tell the young people of today that ….. they won’t believe you.”
(oh, that was fun)
Looks like he’s modelling for Tommy Bahamas, closeted crotchety version.
Boy, speaking of “swishy”, I bet Boner and ChiefCorporateJustice John Roberts would make quite the dashing duo on the links…..
Hee!!! If they want to make it a full on circle jerk, does Miss Lindsay golf?
He shops at the same store as Little Lord KickMyAss!
This was my first thought, too. Dude’s making millions and his family is still in need? Nice family values there. His skin color is totally unreal. It frightens me.
I must say, I’ve never been a Boehner fan but after reading the story I do h ave a little more respect for him. Something tells me he probably is there for his family and they probably take great pride in his accomplishments.