And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt action rifle so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. Amen. Amen. As all good Christians know, God created the world and the universe 10,000 years ago (give or take a few weeks,  allowing for leap years and work stoppages) but He waited [...]

Instead of providing you with a brilliant and thoughtful analysis regarding the recent events in Egypt as well as providing insights into the far-reaching  implications this may have upon the stability of the Middle East, described in a manner that has never been made in such detail or with such care, and based entirely  upon [...]

Shorter Paul Mirengoff: Oh. So that’s what they mean when they say “don’t shit where you eat.”

Tit-shimmying Bristol Palin has been cock-blocked by Washington U students because they already know how to put a condom on a banana, which prevents pregnancy, or so I am told. Obviously this is a violation of her 1st Amendment rights to talk about humping in an academic setting for money and Jim Hoft [applause] points [...]

K-Lo. : This is what happens when you drink the bong water.

So today is Thursday, right? Well, okay then. Since I shot my  basset wad last night (this is a popular expression with the kids these days, I hear), I had to dip into the vault for outtakes from a couple of years ago. In this case, that would be Beckham and his young ward Fenway [...]

Washington University is putting on Sexual Responsibility Week and someone thought it would be a supercool idea to invite club-footed baby-pooper Bristol Palin to speak because she is famous for fucking this hockey guy and then having a baby while she was still in high school, but, hey, it’s totally cool, because now she is [...]

(Very IMPORTANT update) As Jeebus is my witness, I thought today was Thursday. Also that turkeys could fly. Too.

Shorter Alvin Fetzenberg: Barack Obama stands accused of using words. Shame! On the other hand, Michele Bachmann knows what Alvin likes: Michele Bachmann, whom the establishments of both parties like to castigate as ignorant, overly ambitious, and ill-informed, gave a more effective talk than the brilliant, analytical, and much-heralded “young gun,” Paul Ryan. With charts [...]

Low hanging fruit from Annie Green Springs: “[Obama] was then followed by a guy who was bumming us out. I felt like I just needed a drink when I was done with Paul Ryan.” Said Rep. Anthony Weiner, who found Obama’s SOTU “uplifting” and Ryan’s rejoinder not so much. Now, let’s think about this. He [...]