… lacking a penis like Palin, Bachmann, and Pence

Bachmann lacks a penis?

I’m going to call mine Courageous Fighting Toughness: Fighting Courageously for the Tough Choices That Will Make Courageous America Tough and Courageous Again. Regnery, are you paying attention here? Where’s my million-buck advance? These great books don’t write themselves, ya know. I need to get a ghostwriter working right away.

I’m looking for a “shorter…”, ’cause there is no way I’m clicking on those links.

On My Honor: Why the American Values of the Boy Scouts Are Worth Fighting For

Wins the award for Title With the Word “American” Most Awkwardly Shoehorned Into It.

A Charge to Keep: My Journey to the White House

I KNEW he wasn’t a real conservative! What’s wrong with calling it the AMERICAN White House, ya commie?!? Call Fox! It’s the War on the White House!

Courage to Stand? T-Paw used to be wheelchair bound? Or just the inspiring story of a man overcoming the cowardly urge to sit…

also, too. coming soon;

Verklempt In Victory: Great American Gavels Of Freedom and How I Finally Got A Really Big One

now if he only had Nancy’s balls…

…they’re all the end result of a Mad Lib, but with a colon in the middle

And in the end, inevitably, an asshole.

An evangelical Christian who has been an outspoken voice for the GOP

What the fuck is so “outspoken” about an evangelical Xtian speaking up for the Republikkkan Party? If he spoke up for the Satanists or the Socialist Workers Party I’d credit him with some guts.
It’s all part of their “standing courageously with courageous courage” perpetual-victim posture, as if they are brave little Davids in a world of Goliaths poised to destroy the, instead of facing up to being craven, smug moral cowards sucking up to the powerful.

Dan Quayle was a veritable one-man industry in ghostwritten saccharine-titled pap for the goobers –
The American Family: Discovering the Values That Make Us Strong, Worth Fighting For, Standing Firm, Moments That Matter

I’m an Asshole: Also too

pretty much sums up all of them.

Or: The Headbangers’ Ball: Empty Space for Rent

A book title with a colon is like a Republican nominating convention: both lead to an asshole at the end.

Ironically, a steady stream of books based on images of “standing proud” and “fighting” and “battling” and self-proclaimed “courage” actually make these guys look, one and all, like men who have a desperate need to prove their macho. In other words, they look like insecure weenies who are trying to cover their terror and sense of masculine inadequacy with braggadocio.

Real Men, you should excuse the expression, don’t feel the need to make sure everyone in the room knows how manly they are. If you have to swagger that much trying to convince people that you’re tough and brave and SPECIAL, not just another pasty-faced administrative pol, you’re ipso facto pathetic.

The alternative title, Building a Bridge to the American Dream, was rejected, for, er, well, you know why….

Ratface Pawlenty: The Courage to Destroy a State in 2 terms as Governor.

That should be the real title of his book, but it’s not as catchy, I know.

Swagger is all they’ve got. It’s not like any of them actually knows how to do anything except kiss the asses of the rich and kick everybody else out of their way.