Young fresh-faced Congressman Ben Quayle waxes metaphorical in his freshman class Reagan Day essay:

When I was a child, President Ronald Reagan was the nice man who gave us jelly beans when we visited the White House.

I didn’t know then, but I know it now: The jelly beans were much more than a sweet treat that he gave out as gifts. They represented the uniqueness and greatness of America — each one different and special in its own way, but collectively they blended in harmony.

Um. Okay. Yeah.

As you may have guessed, this ability to convert abstract concepts like American exceptionalism and the Blessings of Freedom into the common patois of Real America runs in the family:

Votes are like trees, if you are trying to build a forest. If you have more trees than you have forests, then at that point the pollsters will probably say you will win.

It is very possible that a Quayle might someday marry a Palin resulting in a super-race who communicate using a complex mélange of guttural grunts, clicks, and dropped g’s.

Then will come the aliens with their plans “To Serve Dumb Man” as has been foretold in the Book of Serling.