Well that’s one way to clear a room. Apparently.

Either that or the world ended.

Wasn’t that supposed to have started already last night with New Zealand imploding or something?

Hello?

Tap tap.

Uh oh.

And, there have been plenty of basset pictures to keep us happy. Shakira’s ass….not so much. (Wassup wit dat?) Way too much of that Sarah “flat busted”, and if I have to see that Malkin cheerleader vid again, I may become ill. TBogg, you were not why I joined FDL a couple of months ago, but…oh, hell, I lie. You are part of why I joined, you and Marcy and Teddy and Suz and the others. I am at home here. Thank you.

I am personally looking forward to improved traffic flow and a much lower asshole quotient in town.

I swear, if Sunday morning rolls around and those self-righteous assholes with their pro-life stickers and spit-polished but sexually repressed and morally abused children are still around, then God will have some ‘splainin’ to do… They want to go. We want them to go. He apparently needs them for yard work in heaven or something — so, why can’t it just happen, already?!?

Wait, what!? It happened in 1982?! Doesn’t this mean we’re already in heaven? Or is this hell? Are we getting reraptured tomorrow? Damn, and now that Pawlenty’s running we were gonna have so much fun…

Back in ’82 I was in the Navy and our ship went to the Caribbean. The “triangle” part of it. Jeanne Dixon predicted we would vanish. I always thought she was wrong but when I was discharged I noticed that the world was not the same place I left when I joined in ’80. I slipped into a parallel universe where the assholes got hold of the controls is about the only rational explanation I can come up with.

Jeebus did actually come in 1992.

If you read your rapture manual carefully it actually says that after the worthy are lifted up skyward like iron filings, if iron filings wore bras, the ones left behind are damned to wander a living hell.

In other words, in a cultural and intellectual wasteland surrounded by religious nut cases and right wingers trying to make everyone’s life miserable in the name of God.

Hey, he said mysterious ways.

This is the other place.

PS: I had the wrong day, New Zealand kicks things off tonight, not last night.

Wait , the poster said ’82 before, now it reads ’92. There’s something very strange going on here…maybe Jeebus will give me new eyes for the Rupture.

As much as I enjoy your page, there’s no way in hell I’m giving a dime to Jane.

I read that poster, where it says “Jesus is coming” and mentally filled in “will you swallow?” after it.

So go ahead and rupture without me, because obviously I’m goin’ to HAIL.

PPS: Thanks for Bogging, TBlogg. Funniest guy around.

So go ahead and rupture without me, because obviously I’m goin’ to HAIL.

I’ll see you there. Hell makes a killer martini which is, naturally, more than enough reason to go. I favor the bar stool on the far end — you know, so I can eavesdrop on Dorothy Parker and Fran Lebowitz. All the lesser lights go to that other place where you’ve got to wear white and in all the wrong seasons too.

That reminded me of an old memory. As young teenagers, we would sit in church and add “under the sheets” to hymn titles. You know, “Jesus loves me… under the sheets”, “How great thou art… under the sheets”. We cracked each other up. Well, it was a rural area and there wasn’t much to do. Anyway, I ain’t gettin’ raptured up.

Also, already joined but good luck with the membership drive. I’d rather spend my money here than at NYT and the likes of Douthat and Brooks.

I was thinking about going to the Rapture but then decided against it when I realized those weird Santorum kids would probably be there.
I don’t want to sound cruel, but they all smell kind of funky —must be something in their house—and that one little girl who keeps trying to introduce me to her “little brother” really freaks me out.

I’ll wait for the HBO Special and maybe go next year if it looks good.

So – I’m not a ‘member’ so I can’t look at basset hounds?

I thought the pay-wall model was pretty much a fail.

Is there anywhere I could just send you a twenty, Tbogg?

I followed you over here, TB, so maybe I’ll kick in if I find some money. Worth it. And back in the day, the Whiskey Bar was my favorite blog. Man, that Billmon could write. I think I’ve seen him over on the orange satan a few times since –the site with perhaps the worst comment threads anywhere (well, anywhere blue). Annoying fucks.

Damn, you scared me for a second. I just came from Wonkette, where Layne has reportedly made a “tough decision about the future of the site”.

Hey! I got ruptured last December so I beat everybody to it …
Hey! It’s lonely up here,with only repugs for company.They don’t like talking to me, for some reason.

You understand that I do grasp the nature of things here.

I’m sitting on my entirely ‘not-for-profit’ site (I think there’s such a thing as a ‘forbid all forms of profit’ IRS category, but I refuse to re-do my paperwork), even as researchers all over the place are using it as the foundation for their NEH grant applications. Like I could get a grant…. It’s sad to be used.

Heaven

Let’s Punk the Rapture via Laughing Squid

I suspect the people who most expect to be raptured on really at the bottom of the list.

Some on FDL will be happy to have all the trolls disappear, though I could never understand why everyone doesn’t just ignore them.

I believe in the Parables that Jesus taught! Does that buy me a free ticket to the Rapture???
BTW what is the RAPTURE anyway ?? WTF does it really mean?? I mean come on Jesus never mentioned it in his teachings..

I was looking forward to hell, but I think Ahnold will be there too, so I hope it’s a really BIG partay so my chances of seeing him will be small.

Well, thank Jeebus. I thought for a second there that twenty-three posts had gone up in four minutes. Usually someone has to be live-blogging a VP debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Lieberman to get that many panties in a twist.

I have never had much problem with trolls here, but that may be because I do not spend much time in the threads during the day (I do not generally have the time).

Nah, the panty twisting starts on Sunday, when all the Talibangelicals realize that they were “left behind.”

If you get raptured you will have to deal with Jerry Falwell every day. Think about it.

Yeah, they only turn up occasionally on Late Night threads. Smart move, if you ask me.

Margaret suggested that all the lefty blogs should go down on Sunday just to see the fundies’ heads explode.

I think I would pay to see that.

As the Rapture is presumably a worldwide event, It should have already been taking place for several hours in Eastern Eurasia and Australia, along with some Pacific Territories. I haven’t heard anything yet about people shooting up out of their shoes into the great beyond. Coincidentally, there are no reports of flesh eating zombies either.

I occasionally engage one for mental masturbation, depending on my mood. Sometimes it’s actually fun. Mostly what I observe is that it’s a waste of time. Often it’s a hit ‘n run, with 23 responses after the original person who dropped in one comment to provoke is long gone.

Some, like PW, actively try to educate them. I have enough frustration in my like without adding that thankless task.

Yep, that’s been my case lately as well. There is also a strict no partisan politicking at work plus they don’t pay me to blog so I haven’t looked in during the day.

When it happens, assuredly all the “wrong” people will be raptured, and Heaven will be uncool by Monday morning.

I missed the pictures of Shakira’s ass. DAMN!

I often like to play whack-a-mole with them over at LGM, but it is rather a team sport over there.

Here in Hopiland most people won’t get Raptured because they are pagans.

The Rapture isn’t supposed to start until 6 PM. (In which time zone? Presumably the one Harold Camping is in…after all, this is his attention-seeking behavior we’re talking about.)

So what will Glenn Beck do when all his true believers are Raptured tomorrow? Will anybody be watching his show at all?

Because Jeebus and Satchmo would want you to…

How does Frothy Mixture feel about it?

Get it while it’s hot: Rapture Excuse Bingo Card!

I looked out the window, and didn’t see anyone flying up. It wasn’t 6 CDT.

Outraged, of course. And he’ll make his daughter cry.

Myself & another girl were in charge of the senior pics in our yearbook. Each pic included a list of activities plus plans after HS, on a sheet that they submitted that we had to type up, submit to the printer & proofread.

Plus we had to select a quote for everyone. In a class of 453, we personally knew somewhat over 50 max, and maybe a score more by reputation, so we scoured Bartlett’s for inoffensive quotes.

However, one guy we knew well insisted on: Better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven from Paradise Lost. In those days, 1962, it was dubious that the school officials would let us publish such an irreverent quote, but it went thru without a hitch. He’s still alive, so we don’t know yet whether he achieved his goal of reigning in hell.

In fact, tomorrow might be a good day to email him & remind him that if he were serving in heaven, he’d be surrounded by all sorts of yucky people & wasn’t he smart to figure it out at such an early age.

To be followed immediately by the Rending of Garments at 6:05 by all those dolts who thought that they were going.

What if all of his remaining advertisers are Raptured? Will Rupert still foot the bill for his going-away shindig?

Ha. You answered a Q I asked on an earlier thread.

To say nothing of how they’ll feel when they realize they sold their worldly goods and are now penniless and homeless.

I am pretty sure that everybody still advertising on his show is going the other direction.

What??!! Rupert isn’t going to be raptured? Drat.

Doonesbury has been rather awesome on this all week.

With no social safety net. Several cliches come to mind, like be careful what you wish for.

That is pretty funny!

I doubt I’ll be able to find much sympathy for them.

I’ve heard that, but I keep forgetting to look it up.

Guess we’ll know how many people fell for it when the new unemployment numbers come out later in the month…

Also more prescient than Harold Camping will prove to be. I fully expect to hear at least five of those excuses…the only question is, which ones?

doonesbury has rocked — zonk has his neighbors mercedes now… next week is gonna be fun

This will have to be the third or fourth End Times in my life time.

You funny. That should have been my line!

You have to admit, all the signs are there…rivers of blood, moon like sackcloth, black man in the White House…

Waiting and hoping.

Not to mention the plagues and pestilence loosed upon the lands. Oh wait, that’s the Republicans and Talibangelicals….

The Righteous are in charge of Arizona, Sharia Law is the Law of the Land, the Chinese have put men in outer space, etc… .

By way of Watertiger, another example of fundies being the knee-jerk idiots we’ve come to know and…er, well, “love” isn’t quite the word I have in mind…

I would like to dedicate this little ditty to all those about to be Raptured.

I can’t hang with you guys tonight. Need to sleep. Oya.

“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…”

Been a long week for you. Sleep well.

Night! Enjoy your rest from your labors.

That would be another good choice. this was Roy Clark’s “Thank God and Greyhound”.

On that note, it is time for me to toddle off as well. Take care all.

I’ve also seen Europe’s “The Final Countdown” suggested. Amazing to think that song actually turns out to be good for something.

Night.

Put in a word for me, would you? My lucky number has always been 666.

My brother once trained a race horse who ran 6th, beat 66 lengths. She won her next race, at odds of 29 to 1. I bet 66 dollars on her. I don’t think I’m going anywhere tomorrow.

Amazing the superstitions that live forever in some human psyches. I merember the days when some skyscrapers didn’t have a 13th floor.

Geez.

Your anecdote is particularly funny, all things considered…

A few years ago I found myself behind a car on the West Coast with a bumper sticker that read (paraphrase), “This vehicle will be unmanned at The Rapture.” I thought “Ye dawGs!” and couldn’t drive away fast enough.

The funniest vanity license plate I ever saw was: LXIX.

Six Feet Under had an episode that started with helium-filled mannequins (you know, the sex ones) floating up from a truck, when a driver thought that they were the rapture… and she crashed, and died, of course.

*snerk*

OT– How are your honey bees?

I friend really liked Six Feet Under. I should see some of the episodes sometime although I don’t feel I need film or TV as life is often stranger than fiction. :D

OT– Hope you are recovered from your visits with the Tooth Fairy, Christine.

Where did everyone go? I know very well that none of you were raptured. Right?

We loved the HBO series. Thanks for the Tooth Fairy mention — a terrible season that delivered white teeth. I’m thrilled.

Heh! We are watching old films…

LOL! I loved that visual image! It’s kind of how I picture tomorrow. :)

{ LOL } I’ve been cleaning most of the day for a parte’ of 60, 70, 80 and 90 year olds and there’s still grit under my finger nails which can’t possibly be allowed in Raptured_Ville so I would say no rapture here. However, given that Nestle is attempting to resurrect water futures (May 11, 2011) and the bankstas want to deal in death derivatives (May 16, 2011), somebody is feeling a different kind of rapture.

Hey, gang!

I’m told that new members get price of place on the looting lists come tomorrow. Imagine having first crack at the goodies in some raptured TV evangelist’s mansion!

It was hilarious! Picture all those plastic female figures floating into space…

A “Family Values” man’s wet dream right as Jesus calls him home. He knew his doll had a soul.

So funny!

Now that you’ve mentioned it I can’t help but picture it!
Brain bleach aqui, por favor….

Hey Margot! Long time, no see!

Hi Margot. passing the bleach…

Should we bob for apples to see who gets Pat Robertson’s diamond and gold mines? We’ll fund LBGT retirement communities in his honor and invite Margaret Cho as the master of ceremonies.

I tried joining as a member but my email’s screwed up, it wasn’t accepted without email. I’ll try again tomorrow morning.
I’m going to kind of miss my $10 monthly stipend. It was the amount I spent on buying the New York Times during the run up to the Iraq War. Until I learned I was being bamboozled by them and Jon Burns, Charlie Rose, Tim Russert, and that 3 ring circus.
Then came Libby and FireDogLake.
Anyway you want it that’s the way we’ll do it. Thank you FDL.

Those May 21 guys are wrong, and perhaps deserve derision. But what is certainly not needed is the “Jeebus” slur that clearly demonstrates that bigotry is not relegated exclusively to the right. I know everyone here are atheists and thus intellectually superior, but perhaps it might be wise to hold back the sophistry while you hold out your greasy hand for a donation to FDL.

Jesus, lighten up, man.

I know everyone here are atheists and thus intellectually superior…

Only superior enough to know that you are horribly, laughably incorrect.

But thanks for the chuckle anyway.

Tom65 @ 9 and jnfr @ 16, I’m with you: followed The Snark Master from his old stomping grounds, and it is the sole reason for visiting FDL anymore. For those that wish to support snarkolepsy research directly, TBogg has a wish list and has said he likes when people send him things.

Thanks, GfO. That’s useful.

I learned in 1990 that the Rapture had already occurred, and they only took Jimmy Hoffa. Nonetheless…

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye!
Go sing and ring that doorbell in the sky!
(doot doo-dee-doo, etc., after each)

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu!
Kiss kiss, we’ll miss, you lots and lots I’m sure.

So long, farewell, goodbye auf wiedersehen!
We’d go also but we still have a brain.

So long, goodbye, auf wiedersehen, farewell!
Buh-bye, don’t cry; you made life here a hell.

So long, farewell, ta ta, don’t hurry back!
Your home I’ll roam, and drive your Cadillac.

So long! You’re sure the Rapture is reli’ble?
Although, you know, it isn’t in the Bible?

So long, farewell, we hate to see you go!
We’ll speak next week: I’ll say “I told you so!”

Shalom!
Pip pip!
Goodbye!
Goodbyeee!
Goodbyeeeeeeeeee!

Here late, but better than never. Waiting patiently for the jeebus-fail extravanganza, although I wish were true so I could replace the current, somewhat older Mercedes sedan with new one, I’d just have to peel off the jeebus-fish and stick on a darwin-fish, with a note “open under new management” sign, too. I was hoping for a new Ducati, too, but I realized we (Ducati riders) wouldn’t be leaving. Dammit.

Thank god I’m an atheist!