The First Family welcomes you…

So you didn’t die during the night. Congratulations! Of course spending the past week maxing out your credit cards and having unprotected sex with everyone was probably a bad idea but you can take solace in the fact that your massive debt load and voracious, to say nothing of indiscriminate, sex drive qualifies you as a Typical American (to qualify as a Real American you need to substitute fatty foods for the sex and must get around using a mobility scooter with a crying eagle and the burning twin towers airbrushed on the side).

Anyway, it looks like nobody was taken by Jesus, not even Scott Stapp, but we still have this:

…which doesn’t have sound so you can watch it when you have to go to work on Monday because Jesus let you down. Again.