Sarah “The Quitter”  and Bristol “The Baby Pooper” Palin took their Joan & Melissa Rivers grifter act on the road yesterday appearing at a mall just like Tiffany used to when she was America’s Greatest Songstress. As you are probably aware, Bristol has an autobiography (that someone else wrote) out and so she is autographing it (true story:  she dots the ‘i’ in Bristol  with a dollar sign)  for people who will read at least ten pages a day or until their lips get tired of moving, whichever comes first. Bristol’s parents, Sarah and Snowbilly Cletus are also along for the ride to supervise and see that she eats well, gets enough rest, stays unpregnant, and doesn’t eat the Sharpies thinking that they’re licorice SlimJims. Again. Unfortunately the crowds really aren’t into Bristol all that much:

When 22-year-old Erik Sanchez talks about Sarah Palin, his eyes go wide and his face lights up with an exuberance usually reserved for rock stars.

In fact, when it comes to stars, Beyoncé is No. 1 for Sanchez. But Palin is a close second, which is why he stood in line with hundreds of others on Wednesday for a chance to meet her at a book-signing event at the Mall of America.

The scheduled main event actually belonged to Palin’s 20-year-old daughter, Bristol, who was signing copies of her memoir, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far.” But for many who stood in line with copies of Bristol Palin’s book, the real draw was her mom, who took the national spotlight when she joined John McCain on the 2008 Republican presidential ticket.

According to the book-signing event’s rules, Palin fans had to buy Bristol’s book in order to get Sarah to sign one of her two books, “America by Heart” or “Going Rogue.”

Not a problem, said Sanchez’s friend, 18-year-old Merelly Garcia from Excelsior. “I’m more of a fan of Sarah’s, but I read Bristol’s book and it’s really good,” Garcia said.

Hopefully Merelly didn’t tell Bristol how the book ended because, you know, spoiler. Sensing that she may have hurt Bristol’s feelings Merelly added:

“I told Sarah she was a great inspiration and that the nation needs more people like her as leaders,” Garcia said. “I told Bristol I like her shirt.”

That may not sound like a lot, but until a few weeks ago before Bristol had her entire skeleton removed because her face resembled a squirrel storing up nuts for the nuclear winter, the nicest thing people ever said to her was that she didn’t sweat much for a fat girl. Telling her that you like her shirt gives her something that her autobiographer can write in her diary for her.

Best. Day. Ever.