I’m starting to pity John Nolte, the head poop shoveler over at Big Hollywood. He’ s supposed to be knowledgeable about movies (although his taste in film seems to range from John Wayne to Victor Mature and other interchangeable slabs of ham from the early sixties) yet his Big Hollywood movie reviews makes the film squibs at Entertainment Weekly read like Cahiers du Cinéma. So when Andrew Breitbart tells him to keep fluffing the dead horse’s dick that is The Undefeated, well, hey, it beats sign-spinning on Hollywood Blvd.

As The Undefeated goes from The Unwatched to The Unlamented, Nolte is tasked with splainin’ to us that it’s a big honkin’ success. But in order to see it John’s way, you have to look at the box office numbers as if they were an autostereogram and if you stare at them long enough your vision will diverge and then  you’ll see a 3D world of Sarah Palin unstoppable awesomeness  instead of the kind of box office dollars that you might find, say,  if you rummaged between the cushions of Steven Spielberg’s couch.You see, it’s not about the bottom line, it’s all about the benjamins per screen average.

Here. Let’s let Nolte carry water for this white elephant:

Compared to every other political documentary ever made…

1. “The Undefeated” ranks as #15 in the all-time highest grossing debut category (and this includes Michael Moore’s unique hold on this category). However — and this is a mighty important however – nine of the films ranked above the Palin doc opened on more screens — in some cases, hundreds more.

2. On a comparative number of screens (less than 10), “The Undefeated” enjoyed the fifth highest-grossing debut in the history of political documentaries.

3. Opening on a comparative number of screens (5 to 25), “The Undefeated” enjoyed the sixth highest per-screen average in the history of political documentaries.

The dishonest MSM is currently out there using words like “tepid” and “flop” and are desperate to not trip over their own well-groomed anti-Palin narratives by providing the proper context when it comes to these numbers; which clearly prove that for what it is — a political documentary — “The Undefeated” is kicking all kinds of box-office ass when compared to its counterparts.

Moreover, I dare any President Obama partisan in Hollywood or the media to produce a feature-length, biographical documentary and release it in theatres (sic). In fact, I double-dog dare you. Let’s see the per-screen average of a film adaptation of that biography Bill Ayers wrote for Obama. Let’s see Conor Klink’s report on an opening-day afternoon screening of “Dreams from My Father: The Sanctimoniously Dull and Condescending Motion Picture.”

I don’t now which is sadder. A grown man, actually saying “I double-dog dare you” (like he’s trying to taunt the Beaver into climbing up onto the giant coffee cup over the coffee shop) or him stacking up his awesome box office numbers against the numbers of movies that don’t even exist. No. Sadder still would be the assertion that “The Undefeated is kicking all kinds of box-office ass” and, presumably, taking names. All 9000 of them nationally.

Sadly for Nolte some of his readers, whose normal comments tend to the “Hollyweird is full of queers except for Jack Bauer and I’d totally suck his dick. LOL!!” aren’t buying it:

Why would you use a “number of screens” comparison when you have the per screen average?

Based on the per screen average The Undefeated would rank number twelve. Per screen, it only took in about half of what the far superior “The Fog of War” took in.

I don’t understand why BigHollywood is pushing a movie that even Christian Toto and Kyle Smith gave negative reviews (or relatively negative in Toto’s case). It seems as if John Nolte (who I’ve followed since the Dirty Harry’s Place days) and Andrew Breitbart have made this movie their cause celebre. I guess they feel as if this is some kind of referendum on Palin herself as opposed to piece of art or a commercial endeavor.

And before you jump on me: A) I have not seen the movie, but from every description I’ve read (left and right, excluding praise heaped on it here) it sounds like 2 hour campaign ad; and B) Not liking a Palin movie Palin isn’t really involved with, doesn’t mean you hate Palin, or even dislike her. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Sure. It’s no secret that Mrs. Palin has a very devoted following who will buy her books and watch her reality show , and now , watch her cinematic documentary. No matter now bad each of these products are. Yes , ” products.”
Mrs. Palin and her handlers are doing a great job of taking your money. She does a great job of marketing herself and fooling those who believe she’s some kind of politician. She’s NOT a politician. She’s a reality show phenomenon. Nothing more. And it appears daughter Bristol is a chip off the old block. They are comparable to the Kardashians , only not as honest , nor as pleasing to the eye.

Come on , John Nolte. You went to film school. You write about film. Can you honestly say that ” The Undefeated ” is a good film? Honestly? “The Undefeated?” More like ” The Indefensible.

Keep up that brave face, Nolte! Let’s see what happens when (or if) it opens in markets that weren’t specifically designed to be Palin friendly. Week 2 will tell the tale, where it will die a slow death alongside Sarah’s Presidential ambitions!

What it boils down to is every time the movie rolled on screen, it made $40.
Your butthurt is delicious.

Still a flop. Where’s your messiah now? Gone fishin’?

These figures are meaningless. A few thousand supporters have seen the movie. Lets see if it grows legs and can stand on them.

Political documentary? You have confused the term “documentary” with “celluloid tug job”.

Obviously Big Hollywood is lousy with commies. Where’s a Black List when you need one?