While President Obama was busy distracting us by making hot sexy love to centrists and six-figure commentators whose job it is to tell us what real Americans want (Hi David Gergen!) his Department of Health and Human Services started throwing around free birth control pills like they were Tic Tac’s … only these Tic Tac’s kill babies. Just like Altoids! This offends K-Lo and Her Church which needs more babies; girl ones to become nuns, and boy ones to become thrill rides for priests.

While everyone was watching the debt-ceiling debate, the Department of Health and Human Services announced mandatory coverage of contraceptives (including ones that may act as abortifacients) and sterilization in new insurance plans, with the narrowest of conscience protection.

In a statement in response to the move, Cardinal Daniel N. DiNardo, Archbishop of Galveston-Houston, who is chairman of the pro-life office of the bishops’ conference in Washington, explained that “under the new rule our institutions would be free to act in accord with Catholic teaching on life and procreation only if they were to stop hiring and serving non-Catholics.”

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Those opposing the new rules are simply saying: You can disagree with me on whether or not contraception has helped make a wreck of our lives. But don’t make me violate my conscience.

Because using contraceptives like the pill lulls people into  having sex they normally wouldn’t have which, in turn, can psychologically “wreck” the life of their partner possibly leading to lifelong erectile dysfunction problems as well as deep lingering feelings of guilt and remorse. For more on this, please refer to this case study of a patient simply known as “Ross D.” found here.

And, yes, if ever a picture cried out for an alt-tag … this one was it.