As you can see (and may have heard), things are going great guns for St. Timothy of the Wobbly Underthrown Pass. He is 5-1 since taking over from Orton the Castoff, and there have even been rumors of MVP consideration. It truly is an almost-but-not-quite-there Christmas miracle.

Today he will face the Vikings who have a real live Christian as their quarterback, so God will be faced with a mighty dilemma. Possibly a tie, which is like kissing your sister if your sister happens to be Sister Mary Katherine Knucklerapper.

As is our custom, we will once again check in with one of the apostates (as submitted in last weeks comments):

The sky thundered, and the hour of the actual downfield completion had come. And Tim did runneth.

1. And I looked, and beheld a pale horse upon the helmet: and his name that did wear it was Tim; and his biceps were as a statue of marble, and his eyes were as a flame of fire, and his throwing motion were as a girl of 12.

2. And, lo, it was decreed that every eye shall see him, and every mouth shall spake of him, and all the thousand prophets of ESPN shall wail because of him, and rest not their tongues.

3. And dominion was given unto Tim over the many fine souvenir stalls of the greater Denver metropolitan area.

4. A shekel was tossed toward the sky to starteth the contest and, lo, the Broncos did choose with sagacity; and there was much rejoicing by Tim; and Tim did cheer, and did enthuse, and did exalt unto his teammates, and did slappeth them upon the backs and upon the helmets and upon thy fleshy bottoms, and the various other parts, and so on.

5. And his teammates did thinketh unto themselves: this is all a little much for triumphing at the tossing of the shekel, no? But whateth are you going to do?

Etc. …… just like it says on the last page of the bible.

You can look it up.

Also, too: (For I so loveth mankind, I sacrificed sleep to do this at 3AM)

(Update) God hates Christian Ponder, possibly because his name leaves open doubt as to His existence.