
Reuters has the first of what will prove to be many soft and fuzzy profiles of front-runnin’ Newt Gingrich’s helmet-headed helpmate, Callista.
Last summer, Luther College in Decorah, Iowa, hosted a band reunion for alumni. Callista Gingrich attended and took a place among 25 French horns. As the band practiced for its concert on a bright July weekend, her husband, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, sat patiently in the hallway outside.
“He was very low-key,” music professor Timothy Peter recalled. Never mind that Gingrich’s campaign for the Republican nomination had imploded a few weeks earlier, with the mass defection of his staff, who complained, publicly, that Gingrich was putting commitments to his wife ahead of his campaign duties – in particular a June cruise of the Greek islands.
Five months later, Gingrich is leading in many polls, and campaign press secretary R.C. Hammond credits Callista with the turnaround. Several times over the summer Newt considered dropping his candidacy, Hammond said.
“She was the glue that held the campaign together.”
How lovely, and speaking of blowing the French horn, kudos to Reuters for mentioning that Callista toughed out a grueling six year apprenticeship letting Newt bounce his neuticles® on her chin (because with Newt, “eatin’ ain’t cheatin‘”) while he was still married to wife #2. No, that’s not the wife with cancer whom he dumped at the hospital. The one after her.
Early advisors to the Gingrich campaign cautioned that putting Callista front and center would be a constant reminder to family-values voters of their six-year affair, which began in 1993 when he was a Congressman married to his second wife and she was a congressional aide 23 years his junior.
It was going on at the same time that Gingrich was vociferously leading the prosecution of President Bill Clinton for a sexual dalliance with Monica Lewinsky, which would expose him to charges of hypocrisy as well.
[...]
After college, Callista headed to Washington to work for a Congressman she knew from Wisconsin. She had been a radio host in high school and considered pursuing her interest in broadcasting at Boston’s Emerson College, according to Hammond.
Instead, she met Gingrich and began the long affair that carried through to Newt’s resignation from Congress in 1999 following a stormy tenure as speaker and a formal reprimand for ethics violations. In December of that year he divorced his second wife, Marianne, and married Callista eight months later.
And now Newt Gingrich is a good Catholic, just like Callista!
Among the changes in his life since marrying Callista, Gingrich has converted to Catholicism, taken up golf, and embraced his wife’s love of music. Even as the campaign accelerates, she has rarely missed her bi-weekly choir practices at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, according to music director Peter Latona.
“She’s almost religious about it,” he said. She also plays French horn in the Fairfax community orchestra.
Just like they always say: blow what you know….




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Double chin + crazy eyes = barf
They’re the perfect First couple for neo-America.
If I ever see that woman walking down the street I’ll just stand back
and try to move away slowly….
Wouldn’t that create an ethical dilemma if he wins and they call her “The First Lady”?
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President and the First, er Second, okay well actually Third, Lady…”
Sort of tempting to vote for him just to hear that at official wingdings.
Yeah, thx for nothing, tbogg. Now I’ve got to go through the rest of Thursday with that picture of ol’ “if you just lace the vodkatini with prozac, then the cognitive dissonance doesn’t hurt as much.”
Not to mention, how the hell do you expect me to explain to my soon-to-be 13-year old “what’s so funny?” as I howl with laughter at the phrase “a grueling six year apprenticeship letting Newt bounce his neuticles® on her chin (because with Newt, “eatin’ ain’t cheatin‘”)” There’s sex ed, and then there’s explaining Newt Gingrich and the wayward ways of 21st century born-again Catholics, you know.
Your a cruel man. Perhaps there’s a job waiting for you as press secretary to the First Lady. Maybe you can polish her french horn, too…
Christ, and I played the French horn back in my youth. I would have hated to sit next to her in band. Yuk.
Oh, so she used to be a radio host, huh? Why do I suspect that somewhere there’s a talk radio producer holding a spot for her in their lineup?
As for the infidelity and hypocrisy, the values voters are perfectly willing to support that, as long as it makes liberals mad.
That “eatin ain’t cheatin’” link is priceless. Scan down to the story of the failed execution of a pig with a nazi pistol. I’m sure there are numerous metaphors here to Newt the Candidate, but I haven’t been able to wrap my head around it yet.
That’s not a necklace Callista’s wearing. It’s a zipper.
Nicely done.
So she’s the one who made Newt become a better person and convert to Catholicism…by committing adultery with him. Over many years.
Agreed. I was headed down the “pearl necklace” joke road, but that’s just so…obvious.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s now takes on a whole new meaning.
Isn’t catholic adultery a step above catholic man on boy sex ?
I heard”It not who you know but who you blow” ( from my ex the expert), no?
As a Luther College graduate and former teacher I disavow any associations with either of the couple.
Plus my best friend in college was from Whitehall WI.
My college seems to breed political couples. Nussle was a Luther grad and married a Luther grad from Iowa to advance his career.
Callista (TM) – May cause ex-spousal discomfort. Seek medical assistance if election lasting more than 4 years occurs.
Bravo. Exceptional.
Was Callista raised Catholic? Why, then, did she attend Luther College, a Lutheran institution? Just curious; I am a lapsed Lutheran, myself.
Luther is a very liberal Norwegian college in NE Ia. 2500 students but accepts and gives aid on need not religion.
New American Gothic. They want to be the face of the 1%. Staring at you.
Or will it be Obama’s practiced, ice-cold smile?
Ye gods. How soon will #FDL be disappeared?
This assumes Callista was raised. I think she was either hatched or manufactured.
Looks like Newt needs to take her in for service at the stepford factory. Her “smile for the camera” mode has a tendency to call up and simultaneously run the “eat her young” loop.
Lutheranism is Catholic Lite (h/t Dana Carvey)
Lutherans are left-handed Catholics (h/t SIL).
eta: I’m a Lutheran in a Catholic family, so I can share this with impunity!
Soli Deo Gloria
This is an especially vicious post and I can’t think of anyone more deserving, except maybe The Shooter. How many people actually achieve
one has to be really really egregious and shameless to earn one of these from other shameless people.
Cheap shots at the candidate’s wife. Classy
as classy as the wife herself.
Nothing cheap about pointing out that she’s a hypocritical opportunistic whore who looks like a fucking robot that’s about to have a terminal malfunction.
You’re right. We should just accept the nicely orchestrated spin that Callista, who is a pious and saintly Catholic who has put Newt on the straight and narrow making him suitable for public consumption again, wasn’t fucking him for six (6) years while he was married to his second wife.
For that, she is untouchable…
You’re cracking me up.
Where’s Garrison Keillor when we need him?
A Catholic friend tells me, “We always viewed Lutherans as the Marines of Protestants.”
My God!! What ARE those things???~!! Scary..
Thats becasue of Luther. Lutherans Are the only Protestant sect that Catholics even consider to be(partly)Christians.
She looked pretty much human when she started banging The Slug –
http://dont-tread-on.me/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/newt+and+wife+mkiii.jpg
This must have been back before her spaceship crashed and Oscar Goldman had her face rebuilt with robot parts.
One is judged by the company one keeps. And the disgraced former speaker is a penis extrordinaire.
I’m sure she is an awful human being. There is no other way to explain marrying him. But I thought our campaign against the Republicans was because their ideas are so bad, not because their wives (or husbands) are unpleasant people.
:~)
Is it just a photographic trick, or do her eyes look even more Stepford sparkly-weird than Michele Bachmann’s?
As I mentioned (LATE) in the thread below, Mrs. Gingrich was obviously taking WAAYYYYY too much of her bootleg thyroid hormone when that photo was taken. She probably was having a real struggle with her weight. Unfortunately, one of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, natural or drug-induced, is that characteristic bug-eyed stare. The more you abuse the pharmaceutical, the worse the android stare gets. Apparently Saint Callista was seriously chomping them at that point.
Unfortunately for the aggregate comedy potential of the coming campaign, someone has apparently already told her to back off on the shit and she’s looking almost normal these days. Except for the Dynel hair, of course.
Bruce is right. She MAY be a nice girl who just fell in
lovebed with the wrong person. Arguably, however, hanging out with that despicable dickwad does her no favors.I would like for ua ALL to use the phrase “disgraced former speaker” when referring to the Newtster.
I don’t know…… I still think Bachmann is the winner. When I look at her the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
“our campaign against the Republicans” — I was not aware that *we* were engaged in a campaign against the Republicans. So, when do *we* get our campaign badges and secret decoder rings?
Personally, I’m here to enjoy some weaponized snark at the expense of insufferable hypocrites like Callista; served up the way I like it by our gracious host. If you feel his attack on Newt’s bimbo-du-jour is inappropriate, I warmly encourage you to grab a bag of the complimentary smelling salt as you make your way to the emergency exit.
What do you mean “our,” Kemosabe?
Damn you, thingwarbler, beat me to it.
Hey….where do you think you are? This is TBogg. We hit everybody in the play circle with OUR plastic trucks.
Screw the decoder ring. I want Sarah Palin’s wardrobe budget and corporate donations.
You know, other than destroying government to show how bad government is, starting wars based on lies, denying human rights to LGBT people, and enacting policies that transfer wealth to the richest 1% of the U.S. population, I’m sure Republicans (and their wives and/or husbands) are actually quite pleasant people.
Oh my fucking favorite fictional deity! How much goddamn Ablify does Newt have his robo-wife on in that photo?
YOUR truck may be plastic……..mine’s a TONKA.
Callista is an active co-conspirator in the attempt to (cough) whitewash Newt into seeming fit for civilized company, despite her own (um) lapses. It’s a lot more than the routine parade of spouses. As such, she’s fair game.
As Rickie Lee Jones might say, Chucky’s In Love.
Wonder if those backseat bjs are still being designated as non-sexual, whether that still makes it more piquant? Add that special new converted-Catholic sauce. . .
You win. You’ve convinced me. Sorry Bruce. They wore me down.
Explain to me exactly which recent Presidential campaign was won on “ideas” and not personalities.
Lets not get all anti-Catholic. It’s not like we voted to let him in. He just “joined”. We got no “veto system” that I know of. But we’ve got one helluva a “penalty box.”
..
..
“Helluva”, I just got that.
So rare to see Callista sitting next to Newt without her face buried in his lap. That must be the dinner he promised her beforehand…
That would 1860.
My apologies. I only use mine on the beach for driving up to my sand castle.
Matt, I don’t know about the bj’s. She doesn’t look the “Lewinsky type” to me. But, OTOH, she bagged a congressman. Sometimes a “girl’s gotta do what girl’s gotta do.”
C’mon , this woman has all the charm of a skinned rabbit. I always wondered what the “baby” in Eraserhead would look like as an adult. Now I know.
It’s at times like this where I really miss the sainted George Carlin. He would be ripping a new one for ever member of this GOP wolf pack.
I doubt whether she “goes down” . It might mess up the helmet.
My point exactly.
Julia, you wanna chime inon this????
.
..
What?????
For Carlin, the GOP lineup would be a “St. Valentine’s Day Massacre” waiting to happen. I miss him too.
Point taken.
Silly me. I voted for Obama because I was against the war.
I’m not sure this really qualifies as “all anti-Catholic,” but–as someone born into that faith on his mother’s side–I will be happy to offend whatever other faith you wanna throw up there!
Religion is just threadbare ideology from my p.o.v.; I’m as ecumenically hostile to one as to the next.
Maybe that’s why she wears the helmet…
There’s a certain brand of Protestant pseudo-intellectual, like Chucky, for whom that Papish nonsense just looks too rich and creamy compared to Protestant asceticism.
And the allure of those cheap weekly visits to the Freudian Confessional, the easy compartmentalization and no-money-down expiation!
Yer killin us here. Newticles? Where are we supposed to find enough brain bleach. Can’t stop shuddering. OTOH, shuddering may burn enough calories to drop those pesky pounds.
Sure:
I disapprove. Immobile female hair has been an affront to human decency since 1968.
wikipedia
“Professional wrestling (often shortened pro wrestling, or simply wrestling) is a mode of spectacle, combining athletics and theatrical performance.[1] It takes the form of events, held by touring companies, which mimic a title match combat sport. This unique form of sport portrayed is fundamentally based on classical and “catch” wrestling, with modern additions of striking attacks, strength-based holds and throws, and acrobatic maneuvers; much of these derive from the influence of various international martial arts. An additional aspect of combat with improvised weaponry is sometimes included to varying degrees.
The matches have predetermined outcomes in order to provide entertainment value, and all combative maneuvers are worked in order to lessen the chance of actual injury.[2] These facts were once kept highly secretive but are now a widely accepted open secret. By and large, the true nature of the performance is not discussed by the performing company in order to sustain and promote the willing suspension of disbelief for the audience by maintaining an aura of verisimilitude.
Originating as a sideshow exhibition in North American traveling carnivals and vaudeville halls, professional wrestling grew into a standalone genre of entertainment with many diverse variations in cultures around the globe, and is now considered a multi-million dollar entertainment industry.”
change a few words, and…..
Caption contest?
It’s hard to beat thinkwarbler’s “if you just lace the vodkatini with prozac, then the cognitive dissonance doesn’t hurt as much.”
But how about, “Holy shite, I’m married to this douche? … Well at least the money’s still good …”
Disgusting images, skillfully drawn. But my dear peeps. Can’t we define ourselves at a little bit higher level than the opposition? Just aping Gingrich in his vile demeaning and dehumanizing personal assaults IMO does nothing to serve our cause.
I’m good with that. Just sayin’ that IF the Pope had known Gingrich was converting, I thknk he woulda blocked that. Just my opinion. I could be wrong.
I don’t think you understood the question…….
Hey, we were “on break”.
..
We’re back “on point” now.
She only did that until she got the wedding band and credit line at Tiffany’s; I mean, duh!
It will be interesting to me personally if Newticles gets the nomination. My mom instantly hates with a red hot passion any celeb or pol that marries a woman so far his junior; I’ll get to see which wins out: (1) her rethug tribalism, or (2) her lifelong hatred of May-Dec pairings.
If you don’t get down in the dirt with the other side you then get kicked between the legs. Lily-livered liberalism doesn’t work. The only way you can deal with those on the Right is with ridicule. To have a rational discourse with the 30% of the population who are living in an alternate reality is useless.
no.
Well doncha you know my august age gives me the privilege of being a prudish old curmudgeon. :-)
tbogg-
If you ever again produce anything that causes me to imagine Newt naked and/or engaged in sexual activities with a human(1), I will sue you for the value of the entire internet.
You have been warned.
(1)I am willing to accept that “Callista” isn’t really human but merely a sophisticated simulacra produced by Rosen Industries, recently escaped from the colonies. It actually would be more believable if her name was Jackie Monroeville. Which would then make Newt Gomer Tatum. But still, unless the discussion involves Newt preforming acts with farm animals or other obvious non-human entities, my position remains um firm.
OTOH, there are limits … especially to what I will let my imagination do
Burying the lede
TBogg, you are some sorry excuse for a scandal-monger. Here you go trying to make this a story about mere sexscapades, when staring you in the face is the real scandal, which I might headlinify thusly:
“Wife of presidential contender plays cheese-eating surrender monkey horn!”
It’s how Drudge would have handled it. Hell, he had thinner gruel to flog with that Pearl Harbor Day lunch menu, but he didn’t let that deter him from playing the Mugwump card. No one ever went broke in American politics by playing to the Know Nothings.
Anyone else flash to the joke ending “Okay, coffee break’s over, back on your heads!”?
The second wife says Newt divorced her after finding out that she had multiple sclerosis.
Anybody see a pattern?
This presupposes that our purpose here is “serving a cause.” On the contrary, I think merely “demeaning and dehumanizing personal assaults” on any and all banal allies of evil is the actual purpose we are serving here.
Aren’t you just the cutest thing. Bless your heart.
LOL
Now I am going to take my reticule and go to church. (Have had my fill of newticles.)
Lets just say, electroshock therapy can be abused and we should be fighting to make sure Republicans aren’t treating their spouses’ minds like they are their office computer hard drives.
Winter’s coming, and there’ll be ice and snow on our driveway. The sheer laserlike inanity in that gaze would melt it all right off, as long as she doesn’t look too long and turn the asphalt to glass.
Yeah. We can kiss any semblance of health care reform goodbye.
After analyzing that picture for some time, I remembered that one of the principles of design is that “form should fit function.” I think Ms. Gingrich may have inspired the development of the Dyson Ball vacuum cleaner.
That presumes that I’m interested in serving a cause. I’m interested in ridiculing Newt and his Stepford Wife clone because 1) he so richly deserves it, and 2) because it’s fun.
Plus, there’s this:
And,
We’re Dirty Fucking Hippies. Even if our ideas were better, who the hell would listen to us?
But here’s the thing: We shouldn’t “define ourselves at a little bit higher level” because it’s simply not true. Plus the Tboggs of the world would make mincemeat of us. It’s precisely that because the Gingriches, Santorums, and entire GOP (for that matter)-with their smug, self-righteous certainty that they are the moral and intellectual standard to which we should all aspire-place themselves at a higher level that they should be ridiculed, exposed and laughed at mercilessly.
Indeed. Samuel Clemens, the original DFH.
What, are bags of salted dicks now out of vogue? I think those are much more more nourishing.