According to “one of America’s fastest rising authors” (it says so right here and it is on the internet so it must be true) it seems that President Hussein Obamar has been using Black Panther beat-down threats or maybe even Kenyan magic juju to enslave most of the Supreme Court so that they won’t declare him a foreign usurper and therefore rule his presidency null and void, tap tap no erasies.  No. This is true (warning: ugly website).

It seems that for years congresspeople and senators have been fruitlessly trying to:

…alter or eliminate the citizenship requirement of a President of the United States from the Constitution.

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Eight attempts in just 22 months to get a part of the Constitution amended or eliminated. Why go after something so vehemently that we had all kind of taken for granted for just a shade over 22 decades? In one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read, Senate Bill 511 validates the citizenship of John McCain. The problem I have with this is that John McCain’s citizenship was never in question. Yes, he was born in Panama in 1936 to TWO legal US Citizens, on US Soil in a foreign land. His citizenship was never questioned but the sponsor of the bill, Missouri’s own Claire McCaskill managed to sneak in a key phrase that the Obama camp would use throughout their road to the White House. “Whereas the term ‘natural born citizen’ as that term appears in Article II, Section I is not defined in the Constitution.” In other words, the Constitution fails to mention define what a natural born citizen actually is, so it’s open to interpretation. To make matters worse, guess who co-sponsored this bill…..that’s right…..Senator Barack Hussein Obama of Illinois who just so happened to be gaining ground as the Democratic National Committee’s Poster Boy at the time. BY slipping those words into the bill, it paved the way for Obama to skate into the inauguration without having to prove his citizenship. To overrule such wording, even though the bill meant nothing, would require investigations, time, and possibly Supreme Court rulings. He was elected before such rulings could be handed down or even heard.

Not only that, but Senator Barack Hussein Obama of Illinois also tried to slip a “No fat chicks” amendment into the bill because, hey, why not?

But wait…there’s more. Once “elected” Obama called the entire Supreme Court except for Sam Alito (because SAMMY ALITO CAN’T BE BOUGHT OR SCARED OFF) into his office and said that he would have the Secret Service stone kill any one of them who so much as emailed around a photo-shopped Obama as witchdoctor LOL! picture:

To make the tale a little more intriguing, in January of 2009, days before Obama was to be sworn in as President, he held a secretive, closed door, no-cameras allowed, meeting with 8 of the 9 Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States. Justice Samuel Alito, a USSupremeCourt known conservative, was inexplicably not invited to that meeting, Among the list of others who technically “should have been” invited to such a meeting but weren’t would be the lawyers representing the multiple cases regarding Obama’s citizenship set to be heard by the Supreme Court. If this meeting was not illegal, it was certainly unethical but seeing as it boiled down to a meeting between ten lawyers, ethics probably wasn’t the topic of discussion anyway. What was the topic of discussion though? Nobody except the ten people in the room knows for sure, but one thing is certain……there has never been ONE SINGLE case of any significance regarding the citizenship of Barack Hussein Obama heard by the United States Supreme Court.

[Insert proper response to this earth-shattering revelation]

To be fair, he didn’t have to threaten Clarence Thomas. He just asked him to “help a brother out” then they did one of these elaborate handshake ritual things that all black people seem to know how to do instinctively….