O'Reilly's O face is a study in ecstasy

Self-gratifying screamer Bill O’Reilly has been calling and calling sexy temptress Sandra Fluke but she won’t return his creepy heavy-breathing grunting-like-an-animal late-night voicemails:

Anyway, we’re having trouble tracking down just who is sending Sandra around to the media. It’s very strange. So far, the 30-year-old activist has appeared on eight national news programs where she was not challenged at all. Last week, we called Sandra on her cell phone and invited her on “The Factor.” She didn’t call back, very unusual. There was no other public contact for the woman, just her cell phone.

Ha ha. Nice try, O’Reilly. But Sandra Fluke has already been to the Caribbean:

Bill O’Reilly’s Caribbean fantasy monologue, 9/1/2004:

Well, if I took you down there then I’d want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I’d do…yeah, we’d check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you’d definitely get two wines into you are quickly as I could get ino you I would get ‘em into you… maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you…You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I’d join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back… rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water… and um… you know, you’d feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm — it’s one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it… and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard… ‘cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs…

So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind… and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.

The complaint goes on to say: “During the course of Defendant Bill O’Reilly’s sexual rant, it became clear that he was using a vibrator upon himself, and that he ejaculated. Plaintiff was repulsed.”

So Sandra, who as a Catholic wants no part in Bill O’Reilly’s Verizon tubesock holocaust, can probably expect a visit from O’Reilly’s creepy sneaker pimp/wingnut wingman/procurer Jesse Waters.

Forecast calls for pepperspray followed by writhing and weeping on the ground.

I hope there is film…