“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.”
- Ayn Rand

Between novels, she wrote copy for Successories?

Oh, and with

“chain-smoking while receiving cunnilingus from Alan Greenspan”

You win the Intertubez.

I read ‘trains’ and ‘tunnels’ and at first I thought you was talking about Pam Geller and that made me cry. Don’t you never EVER scare me like THAT again, Mr. TBogg.

Now excuse me. I have to oil up the Lionel set till the jitters go away.

To quote the great Carlin:

“And what’s the main scene in the Cigarillo ad? A train going into a tunnel. You don’t have to be Fellini to figure that one out”.

The intern’s going to be paid in Tommy’s burgers? I’m there!

“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.”
- Ayn Rand

That quote, right there, tells you all you need to know about her literary talents. There isn’t a creative writing class in the world that wouldn’t stab you to death for writing it.

I think I need to translate it into English:

“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity living human flesh.”

Ayn Rand was born in the Soviet Union and then came to America on a freedom bird. She wanted the best things in life that the moochers were trying to take from so she raped a Winston ad man and began her life-long quest to build a train.

The original “Fonzi for Freedom” Joseph Dejacques inspired her to smoke in the French manner while she used her gravelly voice to beckon forth the lost memoirs of Max Steimer and his helmet because one needs a helmet when the parasites try to take away your thetans.

Ayn then moved to Michigan where she befriended Gordie Howe and spent several years writing her masterpiece “Slapshot: How the Soviet Red Army was destroyed on a wintry night in Lake Placid”. That was the star that lit the sky of freedom-loving teenagers across the globe and led to countless hours of intense discussion by the old elementary school playground where they traded stolen cigarettes and sneered at the cool kids who swooshed by on their brand new Schwinns. WAR. Bitches. Get some, became their battle cry before they were forced to return home and eat their peas.

I am so-fucking going to Hollywood!

“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.”

Let’s pare that down to its essentials:

“ladder is climbed by stepping on rungs”

No wonder the wingnuts think she’s a genius. She probably even knew the recipe for ice cubes.

You really need to submit that.

No way am I going to Hollywood. I saw what that life did to Andrew Breitbart. Made him into a bitter, paranoid, worthless asshole.

Oh, you say he was like that before he tried to make it in Hollywood? Oh… never mind.

I second TBogg’s comment @ 9.

We haz a winner!

Can I be a clinger-onner when you all’s gets to Hollywood? I promise not to knife-murder too many starlets, at least not too many that don’t deserve it….

Hey, baby, wanna climb my rungs of opportunity?

I nearly choked on my apple when I read that. Pure genius.

Good thing pole vaulting wasn’t hip back then…

YOWZER! w00t!

I was tempted to come up such an essay, but I am humbled before your shining genius.

Please, please send it in. Fabulous beyond words.

P.S. Methinks: WAR. Bitches. will now become the new “also, too” – eh?

No, no, no, peeps, that was a sad, amateur attempt to mimic the Great and Powerful TBogg.

Plus, as Steve pointed out above, “chain-smoking while receiving cunnilingus from Alan Greenspan” is brilliant so just grab a really cheap beer and drink with me, Gordie and Max, we are all wearing helmets.

P.S. Steve, you have been on fucking fire lately but I have forgotten all my login stuff for your comments so I’ll just say it here.

Um, War. Bitches. sorta nullifies the amateur status…

I’m guessing “sociopathic nymphomaniac Social Security moocher” probably wouldn’t be successful either, so you know whoever wins isn’t going to be accurate.

Can’t beat that – but HEY! Gotta give it a go:

Dear Intern Program:
I’m excited to compete for this honor! Surely Ayn Rand would approve. For your consideration:

————————————————

The Passing of a Moocher

The cold earth received her equally cold coffin. There was no joy, no celebration of a life well lived – how could there be? The passing of such a leech on society should indeed be barely noticed by those who produce, who create, who achieve. Indeed the very clods of earth thudding hollowly as she was laid to rest, a rest that was essentially continuance of her moocher life, echoed the very hollowness that was her, herself.

Somber grey men, very few in number, attended. This is no surprise, for what had she contributed? What had she achieved? Except for attracting somber grey men, who made nothing, but extracted value from others achievements. Indeed they all were only excellent at “delivering themselves into gradual enslavement.” Parasites, Ponzi Frauders, that’s all they knew, it was their world. The world of that cold receiving earth, the world of thudding clods, ringing hollow.

After a decent and brief interval, showing a modicum of respect, efficiency whirred to life. The file was pulled, reviewed, and mark “deceased” as the safeguards warranted. Just as the moocher herself was no more, no longer would she benefit from altruism or the largesse of others. Alyssa Rosenbaum had received her last government check.

Mmmmmm….Tommyburgers……

I wondering who is footing the bill? The first film was a huge bomb financially.

You can tell you’re with an enlightened crowd when twenty-two very clever and very negative comments contain not a word about her atheism.

What Tbogg said!

So who are these shadowy fuckers?

Atlas Productions, LLC
56 N. Haddon Avenue
3rd Floor
Haddonfield, New Jersey 08033
United States

The first film was a huge bomb financially.

Having never seen it, the fact that it bombed must be why I like it. Well…that and Tommy’s Burgers, of course…

Befriending Gordie Howe and writing snapshot? In the words of Mrs. Marcellus Wallace, “…Goddamn”

So who are these shadowy fuckers?

I’m guessing these guys. And the company is some sort of mini-conglomerate, apparently.

Apparently, they’ve blown through The 2nd Floor Rung-o-Opportunity….

Wolverines! WAR. Bitches.

Interesting…

Brutal. Funny!

Just as her life began with climbing the ladder of opportunity provided by her mother’s slutty and prostitudinal act, by stepping on the rungs of the heads of the other, less deserving microscopic tadpoles, Ayn’s beloved writing started with a title that eschewed Christianity’s naive superstition about a Sky Father in favor of the much more reasonable tale of a large guy holding a curiously round world in a less than comfortable position.

We’ll probably never know why a book of proper maps of the clearly flat earth bears his name to this day. Perhaps someone asked him this, eliciting a shrug. More enlightened scholars maintain that the shrug was not a shrug at all, but an attempt to keep the grease, that had soaked through the thin waxed paper his Tommy’s burger was presented in and was dripping from his elbows, from staining his Members Only jacket, er, toga.

There are others who insist that the shrug was merely the first wave of a shudder at the inconceivable use of his relationship with the world as a metaphor for ratfucking it. Fortunately for Atlas, a fellow member of Worldholders Local #1 was there to lend a steadying hand and keep the world from falling to whatever plane they were standing on. This why from that time we are all known as second handers. This shining principle of socializing risk for those least in need is alive and well and what truly makes the world go ’round.

Greetings from Hollywood.

Please don’t blame us for the aspergery madcap Breitbart. Yes, he grew up here, but still, I promise you he’d have been that way wherever he wound up.

And I’m wondering why an “intern” needs to showcase writing skills when all they’re gonna do is work in a phone room cold calling names culled from libertarian political contribution databases to shake them down for the funds to shoot this turkey.

I thought you said, “Slapshot!”

Im really excieted about this opportunity to work with Hollowood professionals on the next Ayn Rand movie! W00T! Its gonna be hard to condense my thoughts to 3 paragrafs, but here I go! On second thought, I just stupidly used 1 of my 3 paragrafs on this silly intro, but on ward!!1!

Ayn Rands invisible hand touches me each day. Her writing style is so vivid. Her description for John Gaults speech in the valley, that goes on and on, is a literary masterpiece and a super duper page turner.

As for the trains Ayn uses in her writings, I can understand and appreciate her fixation with the iron boheemuths. I too am a trian entheusiast. I have train set in the garage, in the dining room and in the extra room next to Mom’s bedroom. Especially fascinating to me is the image of trains entering tunnels. Funny, for some reason I find that visual very stimulating. So, hopefully, Part II will indeed employ the trains/tunnels image often. Sitting in the dark theatre, watching trains enter tunnels, hearing the pounding of the soundtrack and literally feeling the hot breath of the locomotives output on my face, is soooo thrilling. Gasp! Unfortunately, once the train/tunnel parts end, Im overtaken by a deep sense of longing, regret almost, and bone-crushing insignificance. Anyway…I am the man for the job. Expecting your email soon.

Wins teh intertubez? As if! More like, wins my undying HATRED. I could boil my eyes, my brain, my entire body in bleach from now till the universe enters heat death, and it still would not be enough to unsee those words. Greenspan munching Rand’s steaming unwashed carpet? Christ crucified on an ice-cream stick, I’d sooner see Cthulhu returning to devour us whole.

“What It’s About: A couple of humorless dicks face many boring obstacles in the course of building a slightly faster and safer light-rail system.

Who It’s For: Assholes and metallurgy buffs.”